Saturday, December 27, 2008

so be it

in loving memory

they were super duper cute but were lost a few months ago. this post is so outdated.

anyway, i dont know whats wrong with me lately, feeling like everything is not enough, him loving me is not enough, being with family is not enough, just being around friends is not enough, then what is? i cant tell bf how im feeling, not without making him hurt. huhu

to a friend; i didnt chicken out! :D


Saturday, December 13, 2008

getting old

when i turned 20, i expected some changes in me, maybe to feel more mature, or to have bigger chests, or to miraculously have lots and lots of money in the account.. or. hehe i dont know what else exactly that i expected. but then i still stammer when im in an awkward situation, and i still keep my old bolster (already yellowing), i still watch spongebob squarepants and im still my old self. hehe

my birthday was a blast nonetheless. had dinner with family the night before at the garden steamboat restaurant and tonight had dinner with friends at the pizza hut, which i dont forget to mention, we got free dessert at the pizza hut because they happen to have free treat for birthdays. hehe

okay i dont know what else to write so here are my wishlist for my birthday :

1. a brand new sony camera
2. brand new purse
3. brand new laptop

generally thats it. hehe so u know what to get me and its not too late to buy me the pressies! :D thank you so much! xoxoxo

Sunday, November 30, 2008


1400 - just came back from lunch. gotta start packing like it or not urgh

1430 - dump laundry in the washing machine

1500 - cleaning out the closet and i found a bit too many clothes that are long forgotten or that i havent even wear yet. oh those are the days. :P

1515 - took my taekwondo uniform from the hanger. its when i realized i miss taekwondo so much

1530 - found sayang's handkerchief. its a garfield's handkerchief! so cute. i wish i can keep it.

1617 - tried an old pair of jeans and it fits! hahah... i kept this jeans away bcoz it was to loose for me back then but now it fits. good thing that i have bigger bum than years before

1639 - went out for a while to do some errand

1742 - my parents are too overprotective!!!!!!

1824 - pounding and sitting on the luggage to cram everything in

1911 - took a shower

1930 - leaving. bye utp

Saturday, November 29, 2008

the reason..

that i dont support and pretty much hate infidelity is that ive seen how the people that are involved suffered especially the one who got left. ive seen how grandmother suffered living as a single mother raising 6 kids on her own just because grandfather is smart enough to elope with some other woman. ive seen how it had impacted my mother living without a father just because her father decided to leave. i know how it felt like to be betrayed by someone who supposedly care about you.

so when one of my friend got into this kind of thing i feel bugged, i feel disturbed, i feel the need to tell him that he is making a mistake to start something with another girl, a mistake to break his girlfriend's heart, a mistake to let infatuation win.

but how to tell him that? i can pretty much figure out what he's going to say, go to hell and mind your own business. oh i know im going to hell anyway, i just hope there's something about his relationship with his girlfriend that i do not know of, maybe his girlfriend doesnt love him anymore, maybe his girlfriend doesnt care anymore, mayb they have already decided that they dont love each other anymore which results to this. i hope so. i hope no one gets hurt.

the more i think about it the more i feel uneasy but i think i should drop it and let it clutter in my mind until my mind cant take anymore clutters and emotions that ive hid and until my head explodes. yeah, i think i'll do that.

k bye n good riddance!!!!!!! :( i know. im not fine. i dont feel fine. i dont know why ok? dont ask. i just need him.


lately i cant help but to want for more.

i want an ice cream vending machine in my room i want to have at least one day when i dont get sick i want to go back home i want to spend every minute and every second here in peninsular with boyfriend until i get back to kuching knowing that it probably would be the last time that we can see each other every day every fucking minute we can i want boyfriend to understand me without me having to tell him i want to change myself into someone less complicated less emo less everything i want to please boyfriend all the time i want to be the perfect girlfriend, daughter, friend i want my mother and father to be happy i want to see my friends i want to cry i want to scream i want to vent this frustration i want to watch csi i want things to go my way i want boyfriend to know how much i love him i want to tell my friend that he is making a big mistake by breaking a girl's heart i want to hug boyfriend i want to cuddle with him i want to be in his arms as long as i live i want to be boyfriend's everything just like how he is my everything i want to be his number one i want boyfriend to share everything with me just like how i share everything with him i want more money to spend i want a free-worry life i want to see my mother now i want to go as far away as possible i want to be alone i want to be with friends i want to eat i want to download more songs i want my friends to remember me always i want my friends to be happy i want my friends to share their happiness and their sadness i want A for every subject that i take i want people to understand i want mother to understand i want him to understand i want to shop i want to get out from this place i want to have lots and lots of presents i want to have the Madagascar headband that they sell at McD (but too stingy to buy one myself) i want to be someone else i want to be a boy i want to know what it feels like to be a boy i want to know what is going on in boys' heads i want to watch Kami The Movie i want to drink water i want everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to sleep

k bye.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


yes, i admit that truths are important and lying is a sinful thing to do. ehm. does that includes white lies? dont get me wrong here, I, Nor Azwani Binti Adenan, seldom lies. i just.. hide the truth sometimes, and most of the time its for the betterment of everyone. honest! for instance;

some guy : i dont know if u realize this, but u are a babe.... (his voice oozing with confidence or machoness or slickness or whatever it is)
wani : uh-huh.. *smiles sweetly*

the truth - uh-huh, sure. like im gonna trust a sweet talker like you.

some guy : i am never gonna hurt you...
wani : i know.

the truth - hm... i think so. or i dont. argh. let's just wait n see.

some guy or girl : (after ive done a favor for him/her) thanks a lot!! i'll buy you lunch later ok!
wani : yeah.

the truth - yeah right. u will buy me lunch in an altered universe.

some guy : you take care yea. i still care about you, you know.
wani : yea, you take care too.

the truth - i dont care about you and i dont think you do either, coz if u really have cared about me then why do you hurt me in the first place damnit! *fuh. getting emo*

friend : i think you are prettier than her.
wani : really? no la, she's much prettier, and more fashionable of course. *acting humble because humble is my middle name :P*

the truth - hah! i am prettier than her! it does wonders for my self esteem, thank you friend... kikiki

so u see, im not really a trusting kind of person, but there are also some people that i take their words for. it really depends on how are my perception towards some people whether they have lied to me, or said empty promises and such. and there are times when i hide what i really feel coz i certainly dont want people to think im shallow or crazy or anything else that is just as bad. kan22222 :)

thats all. its just a random thing that ive think about. :P :P

k byebyebyebye...

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


Bila esok datang kembali
Seperti sedia kala dimana kau bisa bercanda
Perlahan kaupun, lupakan aku
Mimpi burukmu
Dimana t'lah kutancapkan duri tajam
Kaupun menangis, menangis sedih
Maafkan aku...

Bukan maksudku, bukan inginku
Melukaimu sadarkah kau di sini 'kupun terluka
Melupakanmu, menepikanmu
Maafkan aku

Lupakanlah saja diriku
Bila itu bisa membuatmu kembali bersinar
Dan berpijar seperti dulu kala

Caci maki saja diriku
Bila itu bisa membuatmu kembali bersinar
Dan berpijar seperti dulu kala

beach, melody, n... pee?

went to the beach the other day. so here are some picciessssss

the stinged-by-jellyfish incident. unfortunately, i was too stunned at that time to take pictures of the doctoring process. hahah

sayang after changing into clean clothes. penat bermandi manda

apparently, u can cure the jellyfish sting by peeing on it! no kidding. u can figure out what they did to help our poor friend in the 2nd picture. i didnt take a bath at the sea, and so do my other two girl friends while the others enjoyed themselves thoroughly playing in the waves.

seeing sayang with his friends made me realize that the kind of happiness that he had is totally different than the times when we're together, and it was when i understand why he enjoyed spending time with his friends as much as him with me.

this was one of the time that we get to see the boys half naked tho. :P ok, i am not a pervert if that's what u think! ..went to mcd after, and slept through the rest of the day.

haha thats it for our picnic trip last sunday!

k byeeeeeeee

Sunday, November 16, 2008


well, waddya know, im done with my second paper already. its only been one third of the exam weeks but i already feel like its been for ages. i feel like having some ranting but gotta do some revisions nonetheless so im cutting it short :

  • the next paper is on monday, and this time i feel totally unprepared. remember the sinking and drowning feeling that i got for a test some time ago? yes, that is exactly how i feel now too except that its much worse bcoz i feel like my feet is tied to something heavy and im going down2 and i cant do anything about it except to struggle which; i know, will be pointless. this subject is killing all of us, im not kidding, its more horrible than the epidemic only one did not fail a particular subject last 2 sem (in other words, almost everyone in the class failed the subject. but luckily the distribution thing is changed or something so that not many got an F on their result slip compared to before) but that was the lecturer's fault, this time it is the REAL DEAL. this is not only the core subject for civil engineering but it is HARDCORE. okay, i know im exaggerating but what the hell
  • bfriend is sick for a few days now and it makes me sad to see him in pain (physically), because usually he is the stronger one and he always take care of me but this time it wud be my turn to take care of him. get well soon sayang!
  • i feel sick too, coz i dont have my nasal spray with me, this flu im having is really bugging me, u see, i still cant live without meds. not that im addicted to flu pills anymore. but if i have flu it means that i have to take flu pills and it really affects my mood most of the time. flu pills make me feel cranky.
so better start on the revision byebye

Thursday, November 13, 2008

why why why

im done!!!!!!!!!!..... with my first paper only. haha. lek lok. lom abis gk.

managed to answer only 70% and i figured out that if it took me 4 days to study one subject and only can answer 70% of the questions so i have to study one or two days more which will take me 6 days maximum so one week of study leave is certainly not enough kan :P

and to explain my abscence for these few days... is the lack of internet connection. uh, busy studying? i was never a person who gets busy by studying, and i will never be. even if my life a depends on it. unless, of course, if someone else's life depends on it, say someone i love, i would.. ok im starting to talk nonsense again.

back to the main point. how does utp be one of the top unis in Msia (having first class facilities and all) when they dont even have a decent internet connection? tell me how! i (am intending to) demand an explanation here please. i can still live with no internet for a few days, but it started to bug me when i need to update blog but i cant.

anyway, the things that kept me amused for these few days;

..were talking something about paying through the internet
alin : paypal.. blablabla.. pay this.. pay that.. such a waste of money!
wani : what's paypal? is it a pal that pays everything for you? hehe...
alin : no.. its how u make the payment thru the internet... cis!! stop taking the meaning of words literally!!
wani : :P

(Godddd i just love to act all innocent and to annoy her :D )

.. of course la i know what paypal is! haha.

.. and bitch about life, of course.

alin : blablabla... yeah, life's fuck.
wani : life fucks who?
alin : well, us obviously. there's no one else.
wani : this fucking is certainly not making me feel any good.

..and friends' comments in this blog that surely make my day every single time~

ive watched the coffin and james bond; and i gave 1 star for the coffin (boohoo! xbest gilak) and 3 stars mayb? ..for james bond. since i never watched any other james bond movies before. oh, who am i to judge. :P

tired already. toodles!

Friday, November 7, 2008

all you wanted

i woke up in the morning expecting to have to endure some pain in my bad foot but surprisingly there was.... none. oh good, it seems like my healing system is really fast then i happily unwrap the bandage and went to toilet (i can almost walk normally, i tell u)

then a few minutes later, the pain slowly creeps in.. i knewwwww it was too good to be true!! huhu. come to think of it, its pretty much how reality sounds; you wake up in the morning, not remembering anything then reality hits you in the head announcing its arrival just a few minutes late. huh!!!

i suddenly miss home. i bet mother can just kiss the pain away. thats how great mother is. :P ok im lying but it will feel pretty much the same bcoz.. well, bcoz she's my mother la.

k bye.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

tak kisah

mereka kata ku gile,
lagilah aku suke,
otak ku geliga,
fikiran luar biase,
mereka kata ku samseng,
tapi ku xambil pusing,
pedulikan semua,
fikir ape yg penting!

mcm penah je aku letak lirik ni.

oh semalam aku sangatlah malang. knape? sbb nye pagi semalam (5 nov, 0730) kaki aku terseliuh masa turun tangga. bukan main sakit lagi, sakitnye aku ngn Tuhan je tau. aku mampu nangis je. sekarang aku dah jadi mcm org cacat, jadi tempang. bukanla aku nak mengutuk org2 cacat. no offense tho. kita semua cacat in a way kan. at least, itu ape yg aku percaya. kalau korg nak deny, aku xkisah. xde kaitan dgn aku.

gambar? ye, aku mmg dah ambik gamba kaki aku sbenanye. tapi bila aku fikir2 balik, xpayah je aku post gamba kaki aku yg bengkak dan masih bdarah lagi bwh kulit dia, nanti ade yang muntah. bila aku fikir lagi utk kali ke3, mungkin aku xkisah org nak muntah ke ape bila tengok gamba tu tapi perasaan malas tu dah ade, pandai2 la korg fikir sendiri. dah penat pulak aku fikir.

kalau boleh mmg aku xnak gerak langsung dari katil, satu hari baring aje biar org belikan mknn kalau aku lapa n sume. tapi seumur hidup aku, aku dah blaja utk jarang begantung dgn org sgt especially kwn2 aku, skt mcm mana skali pon, aku kene gak bdiri sendiri (like, literally). sbb tu bila dgn boyfriend aku jadi manja, semua benda nak bgantung dgn dia. tapi dia xphm tu. xape. aku xkisah, wpun ade kaitan ngn aku.

kaki aku dah ok sikit (6 nov, 0254) wpun masih dlm bandage. tapi skrg hati pulak sakit. kalau kaki terseliuh kita boleh letak ais utk redakan sakit, agaknye boleh x kalau letak ais kat dada bila hati kita sakit? rasanya xkot. dan aku xkan cuba teori tu, sbb aku bkn bodoh. tapi ade je org kata aku bodoh ke gile ke ape ke, blkg aku. xpe. aku xkisah. dosa dorg sendiri tanggung, xde kaitan dgn aku.

aku sdr, setiap kali aku post entry dalam bahasa melayu mesti ade org akan ejek punya. sbbnye selama tiga tahun aku menulis blog xpernah aku tulis entry dlm bm. mungkin aku xnak mengaku english aku makin teruk, setiap kali nak tulis something dlm english utk express something rase mcm makin byk sel neuron dalam otak kene kerje berbanding time aku foundation dulu. speaking english pun xbtol dah. tapi skrg xde bende yg memerlukan aku ckp english sgt so buat masa skrg aku xkisah, wpun satu masa nanti aku kene improve balik english aku ni.

and korg sedar tak, lelaki selalu kata benda mcm i wont ever leave you alone, aku rela mati dari buat kau nangis, u are my everything, and mcm2 lagi. tapi selama aku hidup ni (ok, aku tipu mayb after aziz) aku xpernah percaya 100% ape yg dckpkan tu. sbbnye, aku dah pnh lalui dan aku percaya mesti kwn2 perempuan aku pun byk jugak yg pnh lalui situasi mcm ni. so aku hrp pasni mana2 lelaki yg rase korg akan ckp mcm tu kat mana2 prmp, fikir dua tiga kali lagi sbb kalau prmp dah percaya ckp korg tu tapi last2 xjd mcm tu dia mayb xkan bgtau tapi dia akan ingat sampai bila2. aku? aku xkisah dah sbb dah lali sgt dgn perkara mcm ni.

oh dan disini aku nak bgtau kat sape2 yg mungkin xfaham lagi; ini blog aku dan aku boleh tulis ape2 je dlm blog ni asalkan aku xmelibatkan ape2 yg bkaitan dgn politik (xnak ade kaitan pun dgn politik) or ape2 isu sensitif negara skrg. so sapa2 yg baca ni, nak komen buruk2 baik simpan je pastu xyah dtg blog aku lagi sbb membuang masa korg je kan better korg pg garu bontot sendiri or something. and aku sepatutnya xkisah org nak fikir ape setiap kali aku post entry dlm blog ni. ye, aku akan buat mcm tu mulai dari saat ini.

Monday, November 3, 2008


exam is... only one week away!!!

exam is one of the things that makes my heart beats faster and aches, not able to sleep peacefully, and sometimes short of breath just thinking about it. lets hope i dont hyperventilate in the exam hall later eh? :P

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


just came back from shah alam last night.

no one warned about how i will feel emotionally drained and battered a few hours later. the thing that is not supposed to happen, happened, again, for the 2nd time. it hurts so much and i dont even know how to express it in the first place :( this is so not me

GAHHH!! get me out of here please!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

bila rasaku ini rasamu

cute aint it? i think this picture represents me. haha. :) unfortunately, from what i heard, boys find it suffocating to be loved unconditionally :(

i heard that a friend of a friend had recently died because of lung cancer. i didnt know her but i feel sad all the same knowing that the girl died at a young age (she's 20). she was a student from mrsm langkawi and from what i read in her blog (im not stalking her) she had so much ahead of her and she was so brave to handle her sickness and believed that she will get well, but Allah loves her more..all of this makes me feel silly because seeing a person like her didnt immediately crawl under her blanket and spend her last living moment under the blanket crying (if it wouldve been me i would do that :P) while here i am getting depressed over nothing. sigh. and she just suffered for a short period of time because she was only diagnosed for the cancer earlier this year. makes me wonder, how are her parents feeling right now, losing their only child (again, no, im not stalking her, just call me curious, there's just something about reading a dead person's blog) and her besties, imagine how they are feeling right now.. so sad wawawa.. i cant even imagine the possibilities of losing my loved ones, it hurts you know.

and it made me realize that i have to treasure my life more, appreciate the surroundings more, and remember Allah always. and also appreciate my loved ones more. teehee :)

btw, i found this from a friend's blog and tried the quiz and it turned out that im a hulk! fuh. no wonder i turned into quite a monster when im angry. maybe bcoz i answered yes for the question "do you get angry easily?".

Your results:
You are Hulk

The Flash
Green Lantern
Wonder Woman
Iron Man
You are a wanderer with
amazing strength.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

okay.. ive a confession to make;

to be honest, ive started wearing tudung full time during the fasting month. its something that i didnt mention to people or in blog up until now. all of my friends in utp were glad of the good change but i dont know why, i feel ashamed to show up in front of my friends in Kuching after i wear tudung, its not like before this i was not wearing tudung its just that i dont wear tudung consistently. i was afraid that they would mock me for wearing tudung... (which explains why i have not uploaded any of my raya piccies) and my assumptions are true, u see, a friend posted a comment in my facebook and obviously by the tone of it he was mocking me. there's even a srwkian friend in utp said "since when u wear tudung huh?" hu :( (this is what i was trying to tell you dena, but i dont know how)

and and and by wearing tudung i feel like i dont fit with the others (friends in Kuching) and i feel less pretty because i dont know how to dress stylishly, see, and when i wear tudung my clothes are restricted to jeans and shirts only and sometimes blouses if i have the effort to be in uncomfortable blouses for hours and hours :( i know it has nothing to do with me wearing tudung... but but.. its been quite a while that ive been feeling like this, im such a bum, am i? :P not to mention that i dont feel comfortable wearing tudung bcoz i feel less carefree cannot be much of a tomboy, have to act like a lady etc etc. but when i wear tudung, it makes my loved ones happy and also about the religion thing, teehee and thats what really matters :)

but im still afraid to meet my friends later on..... huk2

you must be thinking, silly girl to think of such things, or she thinks too much la. huhuhuhu but how am i supposed to do? aaaa......

and takut bah when i remembered the girl with the lung cancer coz it reminds me that we can die anytime. i just dont wanna die yet.... i havent done enough deeds and i have so many sins that im sure i'll be placed in the 7th ring of hell if i die now. huhuhu~~~

omg, its 235 am already (blogspot clock is set wrongly), enough with the craps and i need to get some sleep. so; nite peeps!

Monday, October 20, 2008

dont let it burn, dont let it fade

you know im such a fool for you
you got me wrapped around your fingers
do you have to let it linger?

his smell is so addictive and everytime i smell a whiff of his shirt or his hair i melt like like like.. i dunno...... but thats not the point. the point is, we often had a fight and the same thing happened over and over again and when he said he's sorry i realized that i deep in my heart i know it wont be the last time. SIGH!!!!!!

life is so hectic right now i can barely take a break and stop to look around at what really matters.

and our Transportation lecturer is certainly out of his mind because he gave us 4 assignments and a lab report (all in one day) to be submitted within these 2 weeks.

sometimes i feel like i dont have enough air to breathe and i have to inhale deeper just so that i wont feel suffocated (literally). mayb all those feelings that ive kept by myself has moved to my nostrils blocking my nose (what the hell? haha)

honestly, im not fine and i dont think i will be for these few days. an apology or just seeing him or touching his face or sleep for the whole day or eat as much as i want just dont cut it anymore.

okla bye.

**updated : apparentlyyyy ALL of our lecturers are out of their mind because they seem to have the idea that there are 30 days next week so they gave us assignments, tests, and projects all to be submitted or done by next week. HOW FUN IS IT EH?!!!

Friday, October 17, 2008


cheating in test? kids nowadays.... tsk tsk tsk :P

Thursday, October 16, 2008

tell me its not true

when i applied for utp no one warned me about how i will be having lack of sleep (ok, mayb this is not really true), how 24 hours a day is not enough, and how i will have no life at all.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

it doesnt matter

things had been fine lately, except when there were times when i feel like someone else is making me happy more than boyfriend but thats not the point i was just being selfish and unfair thats all. teehee

i realized that ive been thinking too much. about anything, everything. thats why ive been kinda dramatic sometimes.... okla... emo la however u put it. the problem is i cant stop it. the thinking, i mean. i think of stuffs before i went to sleep, when im in the toilet, in class when i cant concentrate or when i walk alone, or whenever there is time to think. its good when you think about how to concentrate on your studies, or how to make your parents happy, or your boyfriend happy, but mine is the opposite. i think about why cant i be cleverer than i am now that im more hardworking than i was (i guess), why is a computer game so important to my boyfriend sometimes more important than me, how to save more money and eat less and about the scandals in the class (haha) and etc etc...

i think of mundane stuffs, the things that u shud not worry about coz there are bigger stuffs that i should be worried about but still that doesnt stop me from thinking. i had been thinking of taking lobotomy too, haha which is so ridiculous i know, but what else is there to stop this... disease? is this normal? or is it just me? or im just a paranoid girl with issues? more like mental issues i guess. hah.

whatever it is i feel like im on a rollercoaster ride, you know? i dont know how to elaborate it much further u figure out yourself.

oh about the test that i wrote about the other day? that night, i ended up closing the book with the same page that i opened earlier and went to sleep. the next day i went to the test totally unprepared, its like you are about to plunge into the deep sea with no safety jackets or whatsoever to save you but you cant do anything anymore now that you're about to jump already and you know you're about to die.........

well, the good thing is i didnt die in fact i was quite happy after the test despite the fact that im going to flunk it eventho the test was an open book test, the text book were not much of a help at all i felt like throwing the book to the floor and scream cibai!!!!!! but i know thats not going to help me get good grades so i just shut up and dealt with it anyhow.

and the reason i was not able to study for the test? i was thinking too much. (yeah, no wonder, i knowwww~~~~) i was like "work... too many workkkkk... which one should i start on first... so tired.. workkk... work..... so many work to doooo...." which made me do nothing at all.

so if anyone of you know how not to think too much for example, drink ginger ale ka, eat kfc ka, tell me. if ever it works i'll be so grateful :D

Friday, October 10, 2008


currently playing : yuni shara - sepi
current mood : full stomach, lazy

no, the title has nothing to do with what im feeling right now.

and i miss my friends, i miss dena and i miss nora, and i miss atul, and come to think of it, i want to hate atul too because she changed her mobile number and didnt even tell me and i cant contact her in any way because i guess the whole family changed their goddamn mobile numbers too (i know, because i tried to call her father too)

i know i should study my ass off (ha haaa.. what kind of phrase is that??) bcause of the incoming test tomorrow but here i am updating with the revision book under my ankles with the same page opened for the last 30 minutes, how fun is it eh?

i watched the latest love movie by this Bahtia guy; Sepi and it was super sad (for Tony Eusoff and Baizura Kahar parts) and super cute (for Afdlin Shauki part)!! i cried a few times actually, while watching the movie, i was so touched..... *coughs* forgive me for being an emo person i cant help it bah. anyway, i suggest that u guys watch it too its a great movie, even better than Cinta.

talking about love, last two days i dreamt about boyfriend being dead and when i woke up it took me a while to digest what ive been dreaming then i burst into tears and i called him immediately just to make sure he's really okay and it's just a dream, it turns out that he is just watching cartoons and still breathing and alive (thank god) and it makes me quite paranoid for the whole day wanting to know what he was doing every minute every hour and whether he is safe. eventually by the end of the day the paranoia comes to an end when he tell me not to imagine horrid stuffs anymore and convinced me that he's fine. teehee, cant help it tho because i love him so much and oh, ignore the previous posts thats just me being emo because we had fights blablabla.

today i was very annoyed at some people because they were acting like i was still not over aziz. u see, aziz and a friend of ours are officially together for a few days already, and people have been asking me things like "goddd arent you jealous, wani?" "if i were you i would be jealous, seriouslyyyyyyy" "poor you..." or maybe some people dont say it that way but i know what they are thinking. they are thinking that im this pitiful ex who is not over her ex, and yet her ex has found someone new while leaving me to bite my fingers and cry a river..... yeah im so pitiful that here i am eating like a pig while watching heroes and looking fwd for the date with boyfriend tonight... god, i feel like screaming to their faces "fyi suckers, i have a boyfriend who i really love and oh what a surprise!! the boyfriend is not aziz!!" in a sarcastic tone of course. how i just love sarcasm :D

its been so long that ive post something about aziz and the last time is when i was still a fan of him. gla. but anyway, cheers to aziz and his girlfriend and may you guys live happily ever after!

blah, and now im exhausted with no mood to study still :|

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

:) :)

Selamat Hari Raya to all of my friends!!!! (if u can consider me your friend)

its pretty late for an Eid wish but people say its better late than never kan.

Maaf zahir and batin :)

Thursday, September 25, 2008

there is something wrong...

when the one that often makes you happy and smile everyday is not your own boyfriend.

all i can do is try

to be frank, ive opened the editor to update the blog quite a number of times already, but ended up closing the browser everytime without updating anything. is this what they called the writer's block?

eid is near, (almost) everyone is excited to go back home, some even had gone home before the holiday starts. to me, its the same every year, same gathering (not that i mind), same food, same people.. ive been getting more and more messed up lately i dont even know what had been making me sad anymore. the hectic weeks are over for now, now that the holiday is starting, but the lecturers also dont miss the chance to give us as many assignments and homeworks as they can. i wonder if they know what's the meaning of holidays, or mayb these utp lecturers never really had holidays so no wonder la they give us piling assignments kan, tension jak!!!!!!!!!!! huh

i only drank a mug of cereal drink and glasses of warm water for sahur. getting lazier to prepare food for sahur by day. i remember when i was at home, i used to complain that i have no appetite to have sahur meals even if at that time mother had prepared fried chicken, some veggies, and a little bit more but i still didnt have the appetite to eat. but now that im here, i realized how i really miss mother's food and how i really should appreciate it when it was there right in front of me huhuhuhuhu :( whats that saying again? about people taking granted of what they have blablabla.... oh, you dont even know what you got until its gone. thats right

my flight to kuching is not until tomorrow, i have more than 24-hours to settle everything in utp before i go back home, and why am i not excited to go back home this time..? -_-"" eid this year is going to be a lot less fun, what with some friends not going back and the short holiday.

seriously..... i have no idea what else to write. bye

Friday, September 19, 2008

what we shouldnt be

please dont give me any reason to fall out of love with you

please dont let anyone else win over my heart


Thursday, September 18, 2008


He's a Keeper!

Your guy is a rare find: sweet, kind, and loyal.

And as long as he doesn't have three nipples,

You should seriously consider keeping him a long time

Sometimes a girl can't see a good thing when she's got one

So let me tell you: your guy is a gold medal boyfriend

Just make sure you treat him right in return!

Is He a Keeper?

thats why i love my boyfriend so much lalalalala

Friday, September 12, 2008

taggity tag

tagged by syara.

Dream wedding.This is a survey about your dream wedding, whether it be in the next year or after ten years. So, please answer after you read, the person who answered this before you took a great deal of effort.

1. How old are you?

2. Are you single?

3. In what age do you think you'll get married?
ask kamal.

4. Do you think you'll be marrying the person you are with now?
yea. i hope so.

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
James McAvoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. Do you want a garden/beach or a traditional wedding?
Traditional ya gne? hehe

7. Your ideal motive?
dunno la

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
em dunno.

9. How many guests do you think you'll invite?
relatives and friends of family? thats all lah. dunno how many. if my father's friends are taken into consideration it will be more than 100000000 hahahaha jk

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
simple. use terompah n all, baju kurung made of leaves. lol. no la, simple but dunno how simple

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you'd make up on your own?
traditional vows?

12. How many layers of cake do you want?
hm. 10? possible?

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or a simple place?
a big hall with air conditionings

14. When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
night can ka?

15. You'd rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom?
no need la

17. Name the song/tune you'd like to play at your wedding.
selamat pengantin baru - by dunno-what-her-name

18. Are you a morning person or a night person?
neither. always sleepy. what does this got to do with my wedding?

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?

20. What age do you want to get married?
ask kamal

21. Describe your ideal husband/wife.

22. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?

23. Champagne or red wine?

24. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
days after wedding

25. Money or household items?
either, or both is better kan :P

26. Who will pay for the bills?

27. Are you ready for married life?

28. Do you think you will still be a virgin until you get married?

29. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?

30. How many kids would you like to have?
i wud like to have 3, kamal wud like to have 5, so take the average, we shud have 4 mayb?

31. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?

32. Will you celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding or diamond wedding?
mayb? insyaAllah if i live long enough

33. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
chinese and malay

34. Will you record your honeymoon in a CD or DVD?
haha...... dunno

35. Whose wedding plans would you like to know next?

Anyone who wants to do ths

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

persoalannya kini,

sampai ble ku mampu bertahan
Mampukah ku bertahan?

Nampak ketara kah dilema diwajahku
Diluarnya tenang tapi tuhan saja tahu
Nampak ketara kah dilema diwajahku
Diluarnya tenang tapi tuhan saja tahu

Beginikah selalunya cinta
Diakhiri sengsara
Setelah dicurahkan semua
Cuba ku dalami
Sampai termimpi2
Namun apa yg ku jumpa
Semua nya sama

Nampak ketara kah dilema diwajahku
Diluarnya tenang tapi tuhan saja tahu
Ini semua dugaanNya

Hujan - DugaanNya

if i were to choose between loving someone unconditionally and not being able to love anyone else other than my family and friends, i would choose the latter.

so kawan2 yang single out there, why do you want to love if you know love will hurt you so much? u guys are better off being single, trust me, no need to find true love.... coz there aint no true love.

once u fell in love you better be prepared for the pain ok!! dont tell me i dont warn you!!

anyway, i finally get to drink iced lychee!!!!!!!!!! (thought of eating ABC too, and ice creams... but probably thats too much) sedap, but i have to get ready for my tonsils to be swollen again this time (and no whining) teeheeeeee

p/s : good luck to my chubby little sister for her UPSR examination tomoro.

Friday, September 5, 2008

untuk dia (dan untuk aku)

masa mengejar kita... atau kita mengejar masa?

hari ni lab start pukul 8 pagi, bila bangun pagi tengok jam dah 847 pagi. wtffffFFF!! detik ku dalam hati, nak xnak terpaksa turun ke lab sebab lab structural analysis ni xdpt dganti dgn lab lain. aku ambik masa 5 minit je utk bekemas (xmandi pun), angkat bag yang sedia terisi dgn brg (tapi kebanyakan brg yg xbekenaan; coklat tofiluk, bekas tisu, kepingan pembaris yang dah patah).

oh ye, sebab aku lambat bangun? tido pukul 5.... ohhhh thats whyyy..... gara2 test transportation engineering pukul 10 pagi aku gagah kan diri menahan ngantuk satu malam, study study study sampai nak gle. ble dah rasa hampir nak gle tu, aku stop sekejap beli makanan utk besahur. ade niat nak sambung study after tu tapi telinga aku dah mendengar bunyi2 pelik (org laki tgh borak) padahal dlm bilik tu ade aku dan roommate aku je. so, aku baring tutup telinga dgn bantal busuk, xtau macam mane boleh tetdo.

pagi tu kelam kabut sebab lambat sejam ke lab dan test tu pun (agak) senang.... senang nak goreng. tapi aku sebenanya dah bersedia untuk bedepan dengan worst case scenario yang mungkin akan terjadi (dimane aku xdpt jwb langsung test tu, boleh tulis nama dan salin soalan je), tapi Alhamdulillah maybe sebab aku (agak) betungkus lumus belajar semalam, dapat la juge jawab sikit2. at least, dpt la 50% daripada full mark (masih berdoa untuk full mark sebenanya).

kadang2 terdetik juga rasa bosan dengan keadaan mcm ni (kene belajar, risau pasal carry marks, risau pasal duit, risau pasal segalanya). kadang2 rasa nak tido je sepanjang hari, biar aku xdapat fikir or risau. mcm mane nak hidup happy ni; ble bangun pagi je, takut lambat pegi kls; nak tdo awal sebab ade kelas pukul 8 esoknya, rasa bersalah (sebab assignment masih banyak xsiap ni!); ble xtido awal, takut xcukup tido sebab kene bangun awal esoknye; ble blanje banyak sikit dah kene kire secara kasar berapa lagi duit tinggal dalam akaun; dan mcm2 lagi la! mungkin aku yang terlalu banyak pikir psl semua ni. mungking juga, tapi kalau xdipikir benda2 ni alamatnya, dunia (aku je) akan kiamat. kan

dan kadang2 terdetik juga rasa bosan sebab asyik sakit je, sakit datang satu2 lepas sakit ni, sakit tu, lepas sakit tu, sakit ni, pendek kata banyak lah sakit yang datang menyerang aku! hidup aku penuh dengan ubat-ubatan sampai kencing pun dah bau ubat (kalau xpercaya meh cni datang sendiri tengok or cium; yaks). rindu nak minum air ais, air sejuk, or makan aiskrim (sebab tonsil dalam tekak aku ni xkasi aku minum and makan bende sejuk!!)

dan kadang2 terdetik juga rasa bosan dengan keadaan kami mcm ni (aku dan boyfriend). salah sapa sebenanya? salah dia, salah aku? aku pun xtau, yang pasti nya sebab dah terlalu banyak pikir psl benda lain, aku xnak pikir sangat pasal kami. tapi bila pikir2 balik (pikir lagi) susah nak sembunyikan rasa sepi ni dari dia. aku xtau nak jwb ape. ape2 je lah.

esok ada test lagi. kene belajar sampai hampir nak gle lagi. kene stay up lagi mlm ni.

aku penat tau tak!!!!!!!!!!!!

(first time tulis post dalam bhs melayu)

Thursday, September 4, 2008

happy to be here nonetheless

its the 4th day of ramadhan.

anyway, Happy Fasting everyone~

so far, fasting is fine for me despite for the gastric that i have and despite the fact that i have this principle (principal? heck) of eating every 2 hours else my stomach will grumble like mad, and people will think im farting or something which had happened twice this semester and is really embarassing. >_<

but for the past few days, my stomach didnt bother me much at all. ah, the blessings of the month of Ramadhan :)

today's sahur is really niceeeee!! i boiled broccoli, heated tinned beef curry and cooked some rice... (rajin buat sahur). i have to have my sahur every morning lor else, i cant take my meds (not sleeping pills aaa, mind u) and i will be very hungry and moody for the rest of the 13 hours fasting. grrr

i have been awake for more than 12 hours already, stayed up until its time for sahur just to finish the piling asgments (which i failed to do so). and i have an 8am class tomoro which im sure have to skip else i'll be having only 2 hours of sleep :(

its kinda hard to manage my time here, since all i do is worrying about asgments, tests (and sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep and more sleep), but i didnt actually do the asgments until it was until last minute. ah, typical student, ey?

oh lookie, its me in my graduation suit!! i like this picture. hik3~~
yeah, well its not my graduation yet, borrowed the suit from nizam, but probably this is how i look like in 2-3 years time (probably better if wear tudung kan) hehe

(anyway the labels for the posts are random)

Sunday, August 31, 2008

bercahayalah selamanya

tunjukkan ku bulan gerhana
tiada siapa nak ku jumpa
pedih yang tiada ku sangka ada
oh tak mengapa
tak mengapa;

butterfingers - mati hidup kembali

ive been listening to this song over and over for the past 2 days. BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u shud listen to it too.

nothing new except that finally i got my driving licence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha those jpj or police suckers cant give me summons anymore because i can drive legally now!! so happy :)

went to the driving test last thursday, i dont know why i was less nervous than i was during the pre-test (when my left leg shook like mad bcoz i was so nervous, made it kinda difficult for me to drive, ala pre-test jak pun). hehe but over all the test was fine, the jpj officer that evaluated me was so passive, she (yes, she) the only thing that she talked to me is about asking for my signature and my full name.

i dont know why but i kinda feel tired of everything, i barely did anything except for going out to ipoh with my friends yesterday (and sleep, and eat, and chatting, and listening to music, mostly sleep). i didnt even do the assignments that has been piling up ever since. even when my boyfriend is mad at me, i feel tired that i dont know what to do cept for sending him an apology thru the sms.

i cant have access to the facebook since last few days, and yet i can have access to my blog, the elearning portal, my boyfriend's friendster, other people's blogs.. sometimes i feel like talking to someone badly but i dont know who to talk to, who will understand, wanted to send a msg to dena on the facebook, but cant even access the facebook website so how lor? :(

sometimes i feel like living in utp is like living in hell, the name is UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI PETRONAS but the internet connection here is very slow its like the internet from the stone age!!!!!! nama jak teknologi but the technology here sucks!!

i already start to whine like mad again, am i.

talking about hell, i once read about the hell having sub-hells, its like u have 7 rings of hell. the 1st ring is where u receive the littlest punishments, well mayb like you have to run without your feet and eat shit something like that, and the degree of the punishment gets higher as the numbers go. so the 7th ring of hell is like the most horrible place mayb, what with you being frozen (and naked) and not able to cry at all because when you cry your tears will be droplets of ice because the place is so cold or some kind of horrible punishments that even us humans cant imagine. i guess utp is like the 4th ring of hell, but with my friends and boyfriend with me it made utp move to the upper ring of hell, mayb 3rd? but muslims are not supposed to believe this, i guess. hehe

i was supposed to wake up earlier around 7 am but i went to bed only at 3am so i slept like a log and when boyfriend called to wake me up i didnt wake up and he was mad. i promised him a breakfast today huhu im so sorry sayang..

then when i woke up its already 830am and i was like shit, he must be mad having to wait for me for 3 hours huhuhuhu. but i cooked breakfast for him (and his roommate) and my roommate immediately nonethelss, coz i promised him already and i hate to break promises that i made. i made scrambled eggs, chicken ham and cheese sandwich and fried beef frankfurters which turned out to be wavy after i fried them (arent hot dogs supposed to be straight in shape?), hell, it would be better if i boil them but i was in a rush coz i want to give it to him but i know he wont want to see me so how am i going to give it to him? so in the end i gave it to his roommate instead huhuhu... but then what can i do, it was my mistake after all i have to deal with it.

(a small voice in me said; but i cant sleep last night because my tonsils felt very painful, he should understand why i stayed up and at least show some sympathy because im sick yadayadayadayada *slaps self*)

ive been feeling excited about this person, (which i probably should not) but it has been so long since i feel like this about someone, its a nice feeling and i cant help but to say he's cute! :P. dena or nora or atul would understand sigh

anyway, my parents were in town yesterday, and i was like why didnt they visit me here?? utp is only 3 hours away. well, maybe i should not bother them just to see me huhu..

me : can u come visit me here please? (i cant believe i have to beg them to visit me)
mother : we cant dear, we have something to do before we get back home
me : but i want you guys to meet my.. umm... friend......
mother : who? your boyfriend is it? you dont need to have a boyfriend now dear, why dont you just concentrate on ur studies for the time being..
me:...... (what the hell was i thinking when i said that, i know my mother wont be interested in my love life now)

so you see, boyfriend and i have a serious relationship, we planned on our future already (sikit2) and who cares if he is not from sarawak.... imagine if i tell my mother that

possible situation 1

me : mother, ive already found someone who i want to marry and live with someday. he's from......
mother : what!!!! you're still 19 and you want to marry already???
me : not marry now la mother, im just telling.....
mother : dear, you just focus on your study now okay, you dont need other distractions i want you to get higher gpa next sem, remember you already promised me!
me : alright, mother........

possible situation 2

me : mother, ive already found someone who i want to marry and live with some......
mother : shush shush shush, im not accepting this nonsense, you are still a student!
me : .......

well probably this wont happen coz mother always listen to what i have to say first hehe.

possible situation 3

me : mother, ive already found someone who i want to marry and live with someday. he's from johor.....
mother : he's from johor? why do you have to find someone so far? ive told you that once you're married i want you to stay in kuching, so you have to persuade him to stay here and live here (more like migrate to kuching terusssss)

(but.... but..... but..... his mother said to him that once he's married he have to live in mersing, so how? ha ha ha..... nvm mayb we'll live some place else other than kuching or mersing, that way, everything will be fair)

me : ........... (worried already) haha

but its a long way to go, so we dont have to worry about that.

ish, im tired!!!!!!!!!!!!! want to be with my bantal busuk now. bye

Thursday, August 28, 2008

so many had happened,

then i feel like updating here, so i click on the new post button but suddenly........................

i... dont............ f..e..e..l..... l..i....k.....e....... blogging.

suddenly feel malas.

heart this guy so much. xoxo!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

to take one step at a time

Got this from syara.

How sun signs differ by gender (actually i dont know what this means)

The Sagittarius Female can light up a room, simply by stepping in to it. Charming, witty, outgoing, and hilariously fun, this woman may not be sure in what direction her life is going, but she will make the most of scenery along the way! She is independent and impulsive, and her idea of romance is a week-long adventure - but you can bring champagne and roses if you want to. She is attracted to active, intelligent, and optimistic lovers who thrive as much as she does venturing into the unknown. She can make an insult sound like a compliment, and to her, "apology" is some foreign and undiscovered word. You may not know where the Sagittarius female is going, but fun and chaos will mark where she's been.

The Gemini Male is an introverted extravert. Charisma, humor, and intellect may be the image he projects, but no matter how close you get - you can never be quite certain what is on his mind. He wants a partner who shows just enough emotion to validate that he is awesome, but not too much emotion that it will become complicated. He is seriously committed to remaining uncommitted, unless he stumbles across a super-achiever who can keep up with the conversation, reach their own goals without his assistance, and be packed and ready to go on an adventure at the drop of a dime. That, in his mind, is an amore worth considering.

hehe. just for fun :) quite true tho for the boyfriendpart :P dunno if mine is. well then, who am i to argue? :P

Monday, August 11, 2008

UTP Symphony Fest 08 and UTP V3 Grand Dinner

grand dinner v3 (theme : cultural)

symphony fest (not boring pictures)

cute drummer......... but so far awayyyy sigh

symphony fest (boring pictures)

more symphony fest 08 pictures here

Monday, August 4, 2008

may you have a wonderful life forever and ever

i went to the doctor today hoping that with some luck i'll get some sleeping pills. but the doctor borrowed me this instead;

yea... you got it right, the title is Kemurungan (depresi) ialah sejenis penyakit. and i do feel depressed today coz i thought my boyfriend hates me.

I..... honestly never thought of reading such book, but when i read it, the details and the symptoms are so.....!!!! aaarghhh how come a happy go lucky person like me can be depressed?? even my friends didnt believe me at first and laughed when i showed them this book.

yala, i DID mentioned about being depressed sometimes but i never thought it wud be this serious.

no wonder ive been having chest pains all these while my depression is getting worse. the doctor said i shud take no more flu pills and try to overcome the depression myself. and try to eat healthy foods and try to sleep early and exercise (which ive started this evening, gone jogging).

everytime i feel some kind of emotion that triggers my heart to pump faster (sad, or nervous for instance) i'll almost immediately feel the pain in the chest physically which is so annoying bcoz it means that i'll have the chest pains almost all the time!! and if it gets worse i'll feel like the blood rushes to my head and i'll instantly feel hot and cold at the same time. sheesh. and i thought it was the flu pills that caused me to feel that way.

and he said that all of this comes from my mind, my thoughts which i have to banish them, the negative thoughts i mean. but seriously, my last doctor said the same thing too, and my mother.. but i dunno how to overcome it, in the book it mentioned some ways to overcome it, but mostly in the end it involves taking anti-depressant pills.

hu. dont wanna be sick. hate being sick ):

i miss my mother.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

i'll find you, i promise

Somehow, I get this feeling I am always alone, no matter who is around me... Somehow, I always feel left out... Somehow, I feel the air cold on a warm Sunday morning... Somehow, I just feel so empty inside... Somehow, I feel my heart beating so quickly... Somehow, I don't seem to have a true best friend... Somehow, I always felt better without anyone around... Somehow, I now feel that I had enough. Someone, find me, please......

copied this from a friend's status message, he sounded so sad it touched me, but then again, it is kinda unappropriate to put what you're feeling on your instant messenger status message isnt it? status message is not the place to pour your heart out, they say.

its 0310 hours, and i cant get to sleep yet despite the long day full of activities which makes me tired but this is the first night i dont take my pills, i find its hard to sleep eventho i feel very tired (i ran out of pills!!!). i hate staying up late at night, and being alone, bcoz being alone makes me feel so mellow, so alone, so sad, so negative but i cant get to sleep early either, thats why i have been taking these pills.

people have always ask me why do i take these pills, but i cant explain to them about how i feel, how i cant sleep at night, how im afraid of being alone at night, so i told them that im sick which sometimes i really am. easy peasy

you can imagine how i feel, bcoz i always whine here when i feel bad, bcoz whining here seems easier than telling how i really feel to people.....

and its harder to tell people why i'm mad at my boyfriend bcoz he used THAT tone, to talk me, in front of his friends, my friends, which always makes me feel embarassed, bcoz other people's boyfriend dont talk to their girls with THAT tone. THAT tone, that sarcastic harsh tone you sometimes use when talking to your friends but not your girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ):

how do you suppose i tell someone about that and they'll just say "oh relax la wani, he's always like that"

yeah right, even with his girlfriend??? i hate him. i hate him but i love him. huhu

my playlist for tonight :
  1. The Clientele - I Can't Seem To Make You Mine
  2. Cat Stevens - Wild World
  3. Alanis Morisette - Uninvited
  4. Nitrus - Sisa
  5. Dygta - Seperti Pelangi
  6. Buckcherry - Sorry
  7. Mariah Carey - Bye Bye
  8. Butterfly Boucher - Never Leave Your Heart Alone
  9. Agnes Monica - Matahariku
  10. Coco - Mengintai Langit
  11. Nidji - Jangan Lupakan
  12. Judika - Bukan Utk Dimengerti
  13. Coldplay - Fix You
  14. Leona Lewis - Better In Time
  15. Andra & The Backbone - Musnah
and a longer list of sad songs. you'll be saying, oh no wonder this kid is depressed.

which is fine with me!!

goddd, this chest pain is really annoying. it happens a lot lately, especially when i feel bad (almost always when i had a fight with my boyfriend lol). and NO, i dont smoke, at least not anymore, at least im only thinking about doing it when im bored but usually i pushed aside the thoughts, but nights like these... ah.

im thinking of calling someone to talk, but... nope, dont feel like talking.

yeap, im officially em... crazy? whatever. oh ya, i went to UTP's Symphony Fest, well, it was, quite amazing. the performances i mean, i never thought utp has a team of orchestra players who are so talented. had tons of fun taking pictures, which i guess we never failed to do everytime :P

will post the pictures later. edit sikit2 lok. hehe. okay, im going to find something else to do other than ranting here. nite peeps

Friday, July 25, 2008

tak seindah mimpi

something's wrong with my blog but i cant be bothered about it.


name 10 person to do this survey.
answer this survey honestly.

i will, *cross fingers*

1 ) Are you allowed to have a bf/gf?

- eh.. i guess

2 ) Describe urself in one word

- unappropriately loud oops already 2 words

3 ) Who would you pick, someone who really loves you, or the one you love?

someone who really loves me!!! for sure

4 ) Have you ever really liked someone BEFORE but never had the courage to tell him/her?

- yeahhh... thought he wud never like me back so i didnt tell him then i gave up on him then later on i found out that he liked me too haha..

5 ) Does it feel good to love?~

- yeah (:

6 ) God is giving u just 5 more minutes to live, IF you love someone special what will you say to that person?

- dont you dare to go find anyone else!!! i love you so much u have no idea how much!! ok then goodbye

7 ) What will you say to someone who doesn't want to believe you??

- say nothing at all, why waste my energy talking?

8 ) Was ever a time that you tried to learn to love someone?

- yeah. failed for the first time tho

9 ) What's your opinion about someone who's jealous?

- hehe. normal (terasaaaa)

10 ) What can you say about playboys/playgirls?

- what goes around comes around la

THE - Part 2

1 ) Best place to cry?

- his shoulder, or on my bantal busuk

2 ) Who do you love the most?

-family and friends

3 ) Tell us ur dream las night?

-i was kidnapped. got lots of nitemares lately

4) Ever hated someone so bad?

-yes. tried not to, cant be helped tho

5 ) The biggest & most hurtful lie you heard?

-hm, pa oh. dunno.

THE - last person

1) had a beer with?

2)went to the movies with?
-nora n sepul

3)talked on the cell phone with?

4) u hugged?

5) u yelled at?
-a friend

in the last week have YOU

1) Kissed sumone?


3)Danced crazy?

1)think of the last time u were angry, why were u angry?
-i waited for sayang to have dinner together, but after i waited for 3 hours, he said he's gonna have dinner with his friends and have a meeting after that, at that point i was very hungry and sleepy and tired and i said to him why didnt he tell me earlier then i dont have to wait for him for so long just so that we can have dinner together, then before i know it, he's already waiting for me to have dinner together, and he bought secret recipe's walnut brownies for me and came to his meeting late just so that he can be with me... sigh. felt guilty for being mad at him after that

2)You will die in 3 mins. Last call?
-semayang. a lot.

3)If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
-to have my parents free from any worries, senang hati, bahagia and all

4)Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
-yeah, kinda silly come to think of it

5)Are you old fashioned?

6) What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
-the latter

7)What things would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
-so many lol. (food, bantal busuk, family n friends, sayang, my studies, pills)

updated :
im tagging everyone on my link panel there. d:

Sunday, July 20, 2008

pretty much the same

In my 19 years of living, ive learnt that there are many types of people. We cant exactly categorize them coz each individual are different. But this is what i came up with (only roughly) :

1. Blissful, ignorant people who can lie to themselves and everyone that everything is perfect in every way and there's nothing to worry about. This people are kinda selfish, with their empty head they can cause trouble for other people too and still think that it doesnt matter. But not many can be like these type of people coz it took guts to ignore important things in ur life that may decide ur future.

2. People who are devoted to their work or their studies and think of nothing else. Some decided to join this category because they think it is easy to deal with the tasks they were given rather than dealing with the problems of life. These people too; tend to lie to themselves that everything is fine as long as they dont think about it. The chances that if pushing themselves to the limit do not work, they'll find some other way to numb the pain out; take medications for instance. Everything is solved with pills. Which probably will have dysfucntional kidneys or have some kind of disease by the time they're 30 because of the overdosed meds. Enough said.

3. People who think and worry too much about everything that they practically start their day with lots of worries about who, when, why, what, everything and end the day the same way. They live throughout the day worrying about how other people think of them, are they dressed perfectly, or have they done their work according to deadline, or what they should eat, how much calories they burn off by jogging (insert number) miles today, how much money left in their bank account, whether their boyfriends/girlfriends are cheating on them, whether their friends still remember about them. From big matters to small matters. Practically everything.

4. Happy positive people that everything in their life is in place except for small matters that; oh i can solve this no problem! or small matter only it doesnt matter sure there's a way to get thru this! These people are very lucky, oh yes they do.

I guess im the 2nd type and a little bit of the 3rd. Ngee.

So which one are u?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

counting the days

lesson learnt for today (or not):

1. jpj people is much nicer than policemen and u can almost ignore the fact that they gave u a rm300 compound ticket for not having a driving licence because of their niceness.

2. i will drive again no matter what jpj people say. my parents got no objections to it d:

3. never do your packing until last minute haha

4. thats all i guess.

byebye kuching.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

ooh really

a few things to catch up;

-im not over the fact that im not as thin as before.

-i can barely fit into a size 4 jeans but bought a pair yesterday nonetheless.

-i want to be a size 4!!!

-going back to utp next week, cant wait!! excited gla!! seriously, i hope i dont hyperventilate in the flight because of excessive happiness.

-not that im happy to leave my family and friends in kch, but im getting bored already.

-i had dinner at a pizza parlour last night; alone, which felt quite pathetic and im never going to do that again.

-oh, and after dinner i went to parkson and its not even friggin 15 mins since i came that i purchased something.

-which makes me wonder, what's up with women and clothes? (and shoes... bags... perfumes... make ups... jewelleries...)

-mom and dad is out of town so it leaves us siblings alone in the house, which means partayyyyy! ok, im kidding, asking my 8 years old brother to strip off and belly dance would be enough. he's good at that trust me.

-tried to cal atul, but i cant reach her number, whats up with that?

-cant wait to see him! (:

Sunday, July 6, 2008


shitty day. shitty kuching drivers. fuck them all

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

its not over yet

i usually dont like my own pictures but this one is kinda nice. credits to the photographer, pyah :D

had fun at Damai last weekend tho i only joined my friends the second day, been so long since i hang out with any of them that i realized that none of us had actually changed (except, maybe physically coz some of the boys had grown a tad cuter). more pictures here.

nothing much going on lately. i think last week is the most eventful week of my holidays. gosh, how boring. bila aku nak shopping tok.

im thinking of taking a holiday from my life. is that even possible? what if i want to have a holiday from my life forever. or sleep forever and never wake up. fuh, crazy thoughts are surfacing again. sometimes i wonder if i really am crazy. but crazy people dont admit themselves crazy. but i talk to myself sometimes, crazy people did it a lot. but crazy people dont drive. talk about driving, slow drivers driving on the right lane always piss me off. they make me feel like ramming into the butt of their car bcoz of their slowness, heck, some even drive 20kmh only!

i think driving alone is enough for me to swear more than a hundred times. byk dosa dah.

u know, when im alone at night and need someone to talk to, i scrolled thru the phonebook several times ending up in disappointment bcoz i cant find anyone to call. its funny that people are always saying, u're lucky u are so friendly and have many friends, but they didnt know the truth.

sometimes i need a cig badly and i only feel that when im really stressed but i know once i start again i wont be able to stop.

and i need my buddies badly.

and i know i need to stop when i intended to write a happy post but came out with a post full of whines.

Monday, June 23, 2008

if only you could see

"i feel so lonely sometimes"

"i want to make you feel better if i can, but i cant do anything while im away"

"i know"

she didnt tell him that she feels the loneliest when he is there but she feels like he is not all the same

Friday, June 20, 2008

as difficult as it sounds

funny how nowadays you get to eat ice cream for your breakfast when you're not allowed to when you're a kid. i used to be one where i kinda liked the idea of being a grown up and have control of almost everything in your life; sheesh how wrong i was.

now, being a grown up means you have to wake up knowing that you have these responsibilities that you just cant shirk off and having to decide for yourself and sometimes for other people too which may lead to disasters and having to worry about your body figure or how big are your chests or how much excess fat you have or how much money you have left in the bank account and wondering what exactly do you live for.

when i was a kid, i wanted to be a doctor or an engineer, or even enter a beauty peagent where i can sure win and be miss world 201(insert number here). now, i dont have the idea of what i want to be let alone to figure out who i really am......miss world indeed...... hahahah.

people always say that being a kid or a teenager always get you wound up in some kind of trouble and its because of their immaturity or that they can't think for themselves yet. but i dont think that grown ups have less troubles than those kids, its just that sometimes they solve it the easy way -running away from the reality.

yala, dont deny la you know it is true.

anyway, i guess i wont be complaining much about being a grown up as long as i can have ice creams every morning....


1.You're really upset; who is the first boy you went to?
- Kamal

2.If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
- No. I wont want any awkwardness surfacing.

3.Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
- Yeah.

4.Can you do a split?
- Hahah.... Dont ask.

5.Last person you texted?
- Sherip.

6.Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
- Night

7.Have you been to New York City?
- No

8.Who is the last person you added to your contacts list in your phone?
- One of my father's employees

9.Do you have any expensive jewelry?
- No

10.Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
- Father

11.Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
- Yeah

12.Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
- I guess, teehee

13.Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
- Tadika Sedidik or is it Tadika Pedas? hahah

14.Have you ever tattooed anyone's name on you?
- Haha no.

15.Why is your number one on Friendster number one?
- Dont have a fs account

16.How many piercings do you have?
- Three

17.Which year has been the best so far?
- 2005, 2008 :)

18.Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
- Yes.

19.Has anyone ever been more important to you than a family member?
- Em, no i guess

20.Last time you laughed really hard?
- Last night

21.Last text message in your inbox?
- Twitter

22.When is your next road trip?
- Em dunno yet

23.Do you know anyone addicted to any type of drugs?
- Yeah

25.Where is your phone?
- On this table

26.Do you know anyone by the name of Dennis?
- No

27.Where is your pet(s) right now?
- Dont have any pets

28.What type, colour phone do you have?
- White? Yg buruk mpun haha

29.What kind of phone do you have?
- Nokia

30.How many kids do you want to have?
- Ask Kamal

31.What color are your eyes?
- Dark dark brown.

32.What is the natural color of your hair?
- Black.

33.What are you doing tomorrow?
- Jogging.

34.Does a heartbreak feel as bad as it sounds?
- I guess so

35.What color is your hair?
- Black

36.Have you eaten popcorn in the past 48 hours?
- No.

37.What movie did you watch last time?
- Eh, dont remember hahah short term memory sorry lorr

38.Have you ever been in handcuffs?
- No.

39.Have you ever been to a strip club?
- No.

40.Have you ever been so drunk you couldn't remember the night?
- No.

41.If you could say anything to any one person, what would it be?
- Rindu..

42.Describe your life in one word
- Busy!!!!