i'll find you, i promise

Somehow, I get this feeling I am always alone, no matter who is around me... Somehow, I always feel left out... Somehow, I feel the air cold on a warm Sunday morning... Somehow, I just feel so empty inside... Somehow, I feel my heart beating so quickly... Somehow, I don't seem to have a true best friend... Somehow, I always felt better without anyone around... Somehow, I now feel that I had enough. Someone, find me, please......

copied this from a friend's status message, he sounded so sad it touched me, but then again, it is kinda unappropriate to put what you're feeling on your instant messenger status message isnt it? status message is not the place to pour your heart out, they say.

its 0310 hours, and i cant get to sleep yet despite the long day full of activities which makes me tired but this is the first night i dont take my pills, i find its hard to sleep eventho i feel very tired (i ran out of pills!!!). i hate staying up late at night, and being alone, bcoz being alone makes me feel so mellow, so alone, so sad, so negative but i cant get to sleep early either, thats why i have been taking these pills.

people have always ask me why do i take these pills, but i cant explain to them about how i feel, how i cant sleep at night, how im afraid of being alone at night, so i told them that im sick which sometimes i really am. easy peasy

you can imagine how i feel, bcoz i always whine here when i feel bad, bcoz whining here seems easier than telling how i really feel to people.....

and its harder to tell people why i'm mad at my boyfriend bcoz he used THAT tone, to talk me, in front of his friends, my friends, which always makes me feel embarassed, bcoz other people's boyfriend dont talk to their girls with THAT tone. THAT tone, that sarcastic harsh tone you sometimes use when talking to your friends but not your girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ):

how do you suppose i tell someone about that and they'll just say "oh relax la wani, he's always like that"

yeah right, even with his girlfriend??? i hate him. i hate him but i love him. huhu

my playlist for tonight :

1. The Clientele - I Can't Seem To Make You Mine
2. Cat Stevens - Wild World
3. Alanis Morisette - Uninvited
4. Nitrus - Sisa
5. Dygta - Seperti Pelangi
6. Buckcherry - Sorry
7. Mariah Carey - Bye Bye
8. Butterfly Boucher - Never Leave Your Heart Alone
9. Agnes Monica - Matahariku
10. Coco - Mengintai Langit
11. Nidji - Jangan Lupakan
12. Judika - Bukan Utk Dimengerti
13. Coldplay - Fix You
14. Leona Lewis - Better In Time
15. Andra & The Backbone - Musnah

and a longer list of sad songs. you'll be saying, oh no wonder this kid is depressed.

which is fine with me!!

goddd, this chest pain is really annoying. it happens a lot lately, especially when i feel bad (almost always when i had a fight with my boyfriend lol). and NO, i dont smoke, at least not anymore, at least im only thinking about doing it when im bored but usually i pushed aside the thoughts, but nights like these... ah.

im thinking of calling someone to talk, but... nope, dont feel like talking.

yeap, im officially em... crazy? whatever. oh ya, i went to UTP's Symphony Fest, well, it was, quite amazing. the performances i mean, i never thought utp has a team of orchestra players who are so talented. had tons of fun taking pictures, which i guess we never failed to do everytime :P

will post the pictures later. edit sikit2 lok. hehe. okay, im going to find something else to do other than ranting here. nite peeps