Friday, January 30, 2009

you found me

go away, pain. i can't take it anymore.

I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All along
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything".
Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all my world
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait?
To find me, to find me

i love the fray's. its so much easier to love music.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

what goes around comes around

the title is so cliche i know.

all this while, i know that i have low tolerance for pain, and u wud say that i wud be the person to avoid pain at all costs but on second thought i act the total opposite. like, i know i have sensitive tonsils, there was even this one time when my tonsils were swollen so much that when i drink or even speak it hurts so much. doctor, bf have advised to cut down on the consumption of cold drinks but i was stubborn and now the tonsils feel painful if not uncomfortable.

and another thing that i know i will get hurt at some point when i love someone this much, (dont get me wrong, i get hurt because of my high expectations, its not because of sayang), but i still cant help falling in love with bf, so u see even if i am the person who whines too much about a cut on the finger or get restless when my mouth have ulcers and other little things that are supposed to make me at least can ignore those little things but no.. i still whine. a lot.

so everytime i feel the littlest sorethroat ever i freak out already fearing that my tonsils would get swollen again and this time my nitemare came true. wuhuhu, and of course im not telling bf! he will scold me for not heeding his warning all this time. and mother too, and father too. lol

so, i have to endure this alone (with the meds) and i'll try not to whine, not even a single word of pain! yes! i will be strong! i deserve it anyway :(

talking about deserving things, u know, i really believe in karma (are muslims allowed to believe in karma?) well, for example if people talk this... that... behind you, the same thing will happen to them, and to the people dissing them and to the people dissing them them :P come to think of it, it actually is some sort of a cycle. so folks, if u have had ur fair share of gossiping do expect that people will gossip about u too, doesnt matter it is about bad or good things. and as for me, i dont really care what people are talking behind my back as long as i dont know about it and if i do know about it, its not hurtful enough to make me feel bitter about them.

ah, its quite nice talking about my swollen tonsils and karma rather than dissing people in my blog kan, it is much much nicer :)

bye kawan2 yang aku sayang and ingat selalu. (yes, i get mushy2 these days, i dont care, it feels nice)

and goodbye to u too, my brother from another mother (okay, im not referring to anyone i just want to use the phrase :P )

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

totally sex and the city

i love my girl friends both here and back home because;

- we can share inside jokes that no other people can understand

- they bought me a bday cake after a few years not having a bday cake

- we can bitch about the people we want even if its mean and they dont deserve it, and we still will enjoy it and the people who bitch about us? oh yes, we will bitch about them back 100x greater :)

- we can talk non-stop for a few hours about anything, everything

- they always cheer me up when im down even if they dont intend it

- they rock my world



xpa sepul aku msh xlupak kau juak, i still love you too :)


Sunday, January 25, 2009

ive packed a change of clothes and its time to move on


read through my xanga blog and do u know that i punched a classmate somewhere in 2006? i was suprised but it was kind of a pleasant surprise, as mellow as i am, i had my fair share of beating people up tho its just a punch :)

and i used to want to go to japan, but what happened now? i dont even care which country i want to visit anymore.

i had and english tutor, dr mahalinggam appawu :) he was very amusing hehehehe quote 'the unbelievable thing is he tried to switch on the cassette player but the player wont work and guess what? he was still holding the cabel that he was supposed to plug in to an electric supply. ok now i feel like i wanna burst with laughter. hahhahaha......' unquote hehehe funneyhhh

i watched legally blonde 2 and here i thought i havent watched it and downloaded it and watched it for the second time.

i used to have interest in football.. i was the brazil team fan. yes i was

i was paranoid and i still am...

i have had things i want to achieve when i grow up, dreams, goals.. and now i dont know if i have one

i felt like crying almost always.. lol

i had a kitten named momoe, and i dont even remember it! huhu.. i wont forget about memek. never!

i liked a boy name gaddafi.

i wanted to open a bakery shop :P :P

i had a teddy bear named baby.

i wrote a hate post for some people.

i was a lazy bum big time!

i loved text messaging. haha

i took this quiz called what's your love style and i took it again a few minutes ago and i still have the same love style.. whatever that means

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.

Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.

You are willing to sacrifice your world for your sweetie.

Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.

For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

it is amusing to read back the old posts and how my life had been in 2006 and 2007 (and i have nothing else better to do)
k bye

Friday, January 23, 2009

happy (late) new year

i was listening to James Blunt - Same Mistake when i remembered it was around the middle of January last year that i listened to the same song too and cried a few times over it :) and it reminds me of this post and i was reminded of how depressed and sad i felt at that time. (and not to mention, lame)

ive been putting off on posting this new year post but i guess right now is better than never.
recalling my last year's resolution;

-to be a better person. CHECK~
-to stop taking meds just to make myself sleep every night. hell yeah CHECK~~~
-to stop, literally, and this time i really really mean it, having the need to have one or a couple of cigs everytime i feel like my head is going to burst with pressure CHECK!!~~
-to have a flat tummy not check...
-to be really happy by the end of the year CHECK :)
-to get over aziz. CHECK CHECK CHECK~~~~

gawddd.. i never imagined i wud achieve almost all of my last year's resolution as i thought resolutions are so overrated. honestly i dont really know what overrated means but whatever :)

so, these years resolutions;

-to complete my prayers five times a day
-to be in a dean's list
-to be a less agressive driver
-to stop stereotyping, or judge people easily

dah, thats all, i dont want to have so many resolutions. dont want to get too confident with myself. and (second) last but not least, i love my boyfriend so much.. (yes people, lets all puke.... hehe)

the pictures summarizes the second half of my 2008 :)

raya 2008

memek kissing my cheek

ah, 2008 was a blast. :) happy new year people.

blogspot is being wacky!! kimaa...k... tok aku mok emo tok

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

you make it real

u know the feeling when one thing goes wrong and upsets u and then all of the other things that have been making u feel terrible begin surfacing. this has got to be one of the worst times in my life;

tonight is the first night in this week that im free of group studies, or meetings, or other engagemants and thought it wud be nice to spend the time with boyfriend but got stood up by him over his friends instead (apparently because of some important brotherhood stuffs).

i miss my cat, terribly, not to mention my family.

the internet connection here is almost useless, it took me more than 50 attempts just to view my blog.

i dunno and i cant imagine how i wud survive in utp without boyfriend with me

i ran out of how i met your mother episodes to watch. and i dont want to watch other series! its not the same.

i received an email saying that i havent returned the books that ive borrowed from kuching library, asked mother's help to return them back but she sounds like she couldnt care less, she even scold me for not taking care of it before i got back to utp

i cant go back to kuching this cny holiday or even to shah alam where thats the second place in the world that i wud feel at home despite the fact that ive been staying in utp for more than 2 years. utp sucks

and that leads to the fact that i cant see dena in kl later.

i am hungry.

i really dont have anything to do. i dont know what to do, i think i wud die of boredom.

i think shopping can solve all the problems at least for a short while, but u see, i often feel like shopping when i have no money and that sucksss

thats about it. the things that makes me feel terrible
k bye..

anyway lagu yang terlewatkan by sheila on 7 is nice.. one of the depressing songs that i can listen to when im depressed :)

k k byebye..

Monday, January 19, 2009

lesson learnt

never diss about anyone on your blog, which obviously will lead to people hating you or talking behind your back.

thats all. haha :) bye

those were the days

:). *credit for zafira zaid for these photos.
k byeeee

Saturday, January 17, 2009

i hate everything about you

a. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
b. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
d. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
e. Put this on your blog.

1. If someone says, "Is this okay?"
= diriku tapak sulaiman.. kikiki, this is so wrong

2. How would you describe yourself?
= falling.. :P

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
= wont go home without you (yes i depend on my man that much)

4. How do you feel today?
= topless.. hahah.. actually, thats a bit accurate. and no, its not like that.

5. What is your life's purpose?
= breaking my heart.. yes, breaking my own heart.

6. What is your motto?
= stand by me!

7. What do your friends think of you?
= i have loved you

8. What do you think of your parents?
= find my way back. :)

9. What do you think about very often?
= catalysts. haha no im not a nerd... maybe other catalysts of some sort

10. What is 2+2?
= breath (??)

11. What do you think of your best friends?
= any other world (yeah, cannot be found in any other world) :)

12. What do you think of the person you like?
= into the fire

13. What is your life?
= dont look back in anger. hey, i like this song

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
= (i wanna be) zoe jane.. haha.

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
= when the smoke is going down.. haha this is hilarious. smoke n fire sure got the connections.

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
= i can see it now by oasis. sure, will do.

17. What will they play at your funeral?
= sesuatu yang indah >_<

18. What is your hobby/interest?
= bad girl :) nawww, not really. mayb with bf only :)

19. What is your biggest fear?
= this i promise you.

20. What is your biggest secret?
= aku pasti datang

21. What do you think of your friends?
= strawberry swing :)

22. What will you post this as?
= i hate everything about you. no, i dont :)

got this from faiz's. actually, i was in the middle of making my class timetable when i feel like doing this questionnaire. ish2, im so easily distracted.

k bye.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

light on

i get disappointed by people so often already, that i dont know what to feel or say anymore.

save your apologies for someone else.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

far away

okay so im continuing the tag (took me so long) :)

11. like i said i always forget about things, like this one time when i was buying egg tarts, i paid and then went off.. forgetting the eggtarts on the counter until bf reminded me. huhu.. these things happen to me at least once a day. bf did ask "what were you thinking??" i dont know what i were thinking most of the time huhu
12. i hate milk. i used to have this taboo against drinking milk believing that i will puke whenever i drink milk but i tried drinking milk once (after more than 10 years of not drinking milk) and miraculously i didnt puke hehe but i still hate milk, coz milk always leaves a disturbing sense in my mouth
13. sometimes i have this feeling of wanting everyone to like me, or to be fofular... sometimes.
14. when im upset, or angry my temperature will shoot up hyperbolically until max 100 degrees, (and i get upset easily), sometimes i will also get dizzy that i have to lie down for a while
15. i havent gone shopping for almost a month :) bangga, but i broke the record last week >_< 16. i secretly fear on hearing what others may get for last semester's result coz i know everytime they mention about their results i get more n more disappointed with mine (tho actually its kinda ok, huh)

hehe since ive lots of time i'll continue with the second tag;

The Rules: Go to and type in your answers to the following questions.Post the first definition it gives you. Tag 5 people.

1. Your name?
azwani isn't defined yet.

2. Your age?
the number before 21 and after 19. generally used when counting.

3. One of your friends?
diyana isn't defined yet.

4. What should you be doing?
To use one's vocal chords to make musical tones.

5. Favourite colour?
The hue of the portion of the visible spectrum lying between green and indigo, evoked in a human observer by radiant energy with wavelengths of approximately 420 to 490 nanometers.

6. Birthplace?
"The country where education is very highly politicised.Also a country where Malays are literaly spoonfed from their moment of their birth up to their deaths.Even if you are the no.1 student in Malaysia,you won't get a place in a public university of your choice if you are not a Malay.A Malay can beat you to the seat even if he's a freakin' retard.That is guaranteed. Friendly?Yes.Non-racist?Not always so."

7. Month of your birth?
The month in which the hottest women are born. (haha)

8. Last person you talked to?
a great guy who make you feel good bout urself... a protector, and ur best friend

9. One of your nicknames?
Urban Alligator; a human form gator that lives in a city, or is transient. (ish3... hahah)

10. I tag
dena, dira, jason, nola, jae

okay another; haha.. this is the last one i promise (at least for today) :)
good thing this tag has no rules hehe

1. If your lover betrayed you, how will you react?
i'll get very upset, get very depressed, lost appetite and such. at least for a few years :) haha.. dunno, mayb i'll put a spell on him so that he will suffer. yes im a very bitter person

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
right now? i wud wish for boyfriend to have higher grades.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
myself. possible? :)

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
give them all to my parents. i owe them more than that.

5. Would you fall in love with your best friend?
i did. :)

6. Which do you think is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Loved by someone more than my love for him. (huh, sama ngn syara la! hehe)

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
i wud just go with the flow..

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
dont put any hope for him even if i still like him.

9. If you were to act with someone, who would it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
mestilah edward cullen :)

10. Would you invite your Ex bf/gf to your wedding?
yes, i wud. we're still friends bah.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years' time?
i cant see myself in the future. dh mati kali

12. What’s your greatest fear?
losing my loved ones.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is
hardworking! i envy her for that :)

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
i wud get rich first then i'll want to marry :)

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
look at the handphone to see what time is it already.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
yes. i wish bf wud too.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
i never fall in love with two people simultaneously. its impossible. at least for me it is.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?

dah. thats it for today hehe. i dont know answering tags can be so tiring

bye folks.

Friday, January 9, 2009

hell yeah

this is my new baby! so happy about it :D
anyway. tagged by syara;
Bertajuk 16 perkara rawak.
Syarat dan peraturan:
1. Apabila telah terpilih dengan malangnya, silalah menulis 16 perkara rawak sama ada tentang fakta, perangai tak senonoh, ataupun hala tuju hidup anda.
2. Silalah hasut 16 orang lain untuk melakukan perkara ini.
3. Sila tanda manusia yang telah menanda anda diperingkat awal. (Gila ke ni? Haha)
4. Ketahuilah, jika anda terpilih ia adalah kerana anda juga manusia biasa yang perlukan perhatian dan kasih sayang yang secukupnya ketika bayi.

so here goes..
1. i am myself when im with boyfriend, i fart, i burp i can do anything i want in front of him without feeling embarassed kikiki...
2. i am a paranoid person. i always think of the worst. i can be extra careful sometimes, i always feel that locking my room door in the hostel is not enough i have to double lock it with a padlock so that my baby wont get stolen, or i would bring more than a couple of safety pins in my handbag just in case i need them or when the safety pins that im using broke or something and i bring more than one extra hairband just in case hehe.
3. i use safety pins on the waist of my jeans btw (kurus gilak)
4. and do u know that even if im extra careful, i still forget things, sometimes lock the door just in time to remember that i forget to bring the keys. bagusss!!!
5. i would get emotional once ive read depressing novels, so beware!
6. i have a bantal busuk that i cant live without
7. i would smile to myself with no reason everytime i see boyfriend :)
8. i still would have civilization with the people that i dislike, but i make sure to keep a distance :)
9. i have a few people on my hate list, tho i tried so hard not to have any
10. im a sucker for romantic stuffs
11. ...
i'll continue later. haha penat dah. bye