Twenty5

Gila lamak xpost in here. My hands have been itching for weeks to write something, tho, but I havent got the time. So, thanks Anis for tagging me! :

"Once you have been tagged,you are suppose to write a note, with 25 random thing, fact, habits or goal about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tag you, it's because I want to know more about you. Your cooperation is highly appreciated."

1) I can't ride a bicycle. Trust me. Jgn gelak k!!!!

2) I am a sucker for good food. I spend so much money on good food. More than I spend on my clothes, accessories, bags and stuffs,

3) If I am really upset, my temperature will rise and my body will feel hot. So if you happen to touch me, and it feels like I'm running a fever when I don't look sick, it means I am upset.

4) If I am really upset, and on the verge of crying, I will feel more emotional if someone is very kind to me, and I will cry instantly. So, kalo aku tgh upset, biarkan je aku, nnt kalo pujuk aku makin upset and nangis.

5) I like the smell of the people that I adore, like my boyfriend, or my cat (ok, maybe my cat is not a person, but she's my baby)

6) I don't cry easily in front of people, even in front of my close friends. If I cry in front of you, it means that I am hurt, real baddd

7) I have been doubting my capability as a real engineer.

8) I have been upset a lot lately and it's because of my work.

9) When I get really nervous, the gastric will come and I will get really really sick (vomit)

10) I always try my best to be as punctual as I can. Because I believe that one of the attributes that can make you successful is punctual.

11) If do things in a rush, I will get dizzy. Like literally.

12 ) I am not a tidy person, nor am I selekeh. I am in between.

13) I never know how to dress as pretty as my friends.

14) I have this problem with my body, a big tummy, since God-knows-when.

15) And I also wish that I have a different physical appearance, more matured, not a child like appearance. This body is not really useful especially when you need to gain people's trust and respect when u are an engineer. Argh!! Not gemok tho.

16) I depend a lot on my dad, which I have to change and start living on my own.

17) My siblings are bigger than me, except for my 11 years old brother who is already almost the same height as me.

18) My mother is smaller than me, making her the smallest in the family.

19) I have lots of guy friends, but I only have one close guy friend, and one bestest guy friend.

20) I don't really open up to people even my close friends. I am scared of letting people down, and people letting me down.

21) I have this favourite bolster, that I have since I am 13 years old. I call it 'bantal busuk'.

22) I am not lady like. And I am not a tomboy. I am in between.

23) I get sleepy and comfy when someone play with my hair. But not everyone can touch my hairrr

24) I like fantasy books. Harry Potter, Twilight, etc. But not Lord of The Ring tho. Seriously boring. Chick lits are second.

25) I once used the land line to call my then boyfriend and friends. My parents have to pay app. Rm1k. Huehue.

____________________________________________________________________

It's been 5 weeks since I updated. I miss my classmates and my life in UTP already. Having read their blogs, I realized there's so much that I have been missing in these 5 weeks.

I am doing good, tho I constantly say that I have no money and no job, I actually have been helping my father with his IBS Trainings. And get a few hundred bucks from every training that I handled. Since this IBS Trainings can also be included in the construction category, I have been meeting all kinds of people from the construction world. The participants of the trainings are mostly contractors, or contractors wannabe or Civil engineering final year students, and most of them are older than me.

When I was a civil engineering student, I never fully understood how difficult it is being a female engineer. Having to face the prejudice and all. Esp when my physical appearance is like this. When I went for training in a construction company, my supervisor gave me this to answer "What are the obstacles of being a female engineer?"

I have no idea what to answer at that time. I only answered based on my logic.

But now, I am glad to give him a few pages of answer for this question.

I got a job in KK, Sabah, which will start this weekend. I am kinda nervous (not the sick and vomit level), that I am going there by my own, not having my father by my side and guide me like he did these past few weeks. I will basically do the same thing like I did here, plus managing the company. Planning to invite boyfriend to come to KK for a visit later on too.

I guess I will face the same thing too in KK, and I have to find away to make people see me as their trainer, or as their manager, not a fresh grad kid who earns nothing to be in that position.

I know this will be over after months of experience.

Chayo wani!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, before I forget;

Latihan Kemahiran Installer IBS
Light Weight Blockwork System
16-20 Januari 2011

Hehe.

p/s : This evening, I randomly asked the mobile shop man what age do I look like, and do I look like a kid to him. He said maybe. huh.

Note to self : Don't get to obsessed with this.

You, you, you and you

I have a lot of catching up to do.

People have been leaving UTP one by one. Some I get to say goodbye for the last time, and some I did not. I am not good with words lately, so

Thank you so much;

to my housemates - Sal, Irene, Syuhada, Mype, Ned, Naj, Sher, Deng, Ina, Rin (not in the picture) and Enoi - for the fantastic year of sharing the house with you guys, you guys are seriously the most awesome housemates EVERRR

to Naj and Enoi, comrades, partners in crime for the past 5 years. I had the greatest time spent with you guys, gossiping, watching movies, take tons of pictures, not forgetting skipping classes and byk lagiklah. Thank you for making my life in UTP wonderful. Will miss you loads!


to Ned, my roommate, thank you for putting up with me and my 'temperaments' (esp my sarcasm, tho I dont mean it most of the time). haha.. and also for putting up with my staying up most nights making it hard for you to sleep with the lights on, but got used to it after sometime. Haha. Thank you Ned!!

to Weda, one of the most caring person I have ever met, thank you for being a great friend and a great confidante, rindu nak gossip2 ngn ko!!

to As, Siti, Nema and Pika (not in the picture) for the few last moments spent in West Malaysia (cey) as students. Had great times with you guys!! Nnt buat lg ye trip jalan2

to Rafi and Rose, for the double dates, couple things, hehe wont forget the times we spent together be it as couples or not, kawen nnt jgn lupe jemput :) dah2, jgn sdeh ye.. aku pun rindu korg gak nnt.. hahaha

to Aida, Edy, Husna, Dayah, Ada, Dya, Nad, Nana, Anis, Farha, Syara, Ami and Daa (not in the pictures) for the memorable times for the past 5 years us being classmates, and thank you too for the assignments you guys let me copy (haha), thank you so much!!


to Bali, my loyal chatting mate from 3rd year up until now. Tahan gak ko ye ngn perangai aku. haha.. Thanks bro. And also thanks for the free meals haha

and to others, whose name I havent mentioned yet, being in the same class with you guys was really the best :)


to Mr. Mubarak, my fyp daddy and Farha and Azim, my fyp brother and sister, thank you for your guidance for me to make it until the end. I cant thank you enough.


to Abg Johan and Abg Hafiz, thanks for your help and assistance for my final year project in the lab. You guys rock!


to Petronas (mana boleh lupa nie), my sponsor, thank you for the financial support, hehe


to my parents, two of the most important people in my life, thank you for the support you have given me all my life, you guys are the best and I will always make you proud of me, cant wait to see you!


and last but not least, to my dearie, cant thank you enough for all the things u have done for me, for saving me, for putting up with me, for loving me and byk lagi. I will miss you so much. Huhu....

You may see that I am a bit reluctant and haste in saying goodbye to you guys but it's not because I dont care, it's because I hate goodbyes esp when we will not see each other for a long time. Take care and keep in touch ya.

p/s : some of the pics I took from facebook profiles hope you dont mind :)

Big Deal?

Disclamation : This post contains a lot of whines

You know, being a final year is distressing;

Initial thought "Ooh, I will be a final year student soon, I can bully the juniors, I can be and look superior because I am the senior, people will have to respect me, I will have more free time because there will be less classes and only final year project to focus on"

Yeah right. So much of the free time. Have to spend your free times in the lab doing labour works, and if you're lucky got someone to help you (in my case, boyfriend and housemates). Ok fine, not all those final year projects require you to go to lab and do heavy stuffs, there also those topics where you can develop software, things blablabla. But frankly, I dont regret in choosing my FYP topic because I prefer working with something substantial rather than working on software, but then, both categories are difficult.

That is only the beginning, being a final year student you have to think about your plans for the future, what you are going to do as soon as you step out of the uni and if you want to continue with your education, take MSc.

People would be thinking us Petronas scholars would be guaranteed with jobs at the Petronas but no, we actually have to attend some sort of tests, interviews and stuffs. And being a final year student means you would be worrying about who will employ you (if Petronas decides not to hire you) and how you would survive in the scary world out of the uni since you have been comfortable inside the compounds of uni, everything provided to you, given to you.

And oh, not to mention your parents expectation on you. Especially for the first childrens.

So you see how distressing it is being a final year student?? *hyperventilate* I bet my classmates will say the same thing too.

Ok, so I should stop worrying about the future and first decide if I would want to continue and take MSc instead of going straight into the industry.

Pros of taking MSc;
-Higher education
-Higher pay
-Higher standards (wow)

Cons;
-Studying, dunno if I can take more of that
-Stuck in uni for at least a couple of years in addition
-You have to do extensive research and be hardworking

Talked to mom about this, she said "You dont have to worry about working life yet, what you should consider is if you still want to study"

She got a point there, but I still worry about the future, I am usually the go-with-the-flow type, but I cant help worrying about this. Thinking about talking to the sponsorship officers about the sponsorship options and also some lecturers about this. But the thing is, am I even qualified for this kind of thing? Hm.

On an irrelevant note, I dont dare look at baby's pictures anymore, in case if it would make me miss him too much.

At least, I am sure of this future, will graduate from uni in less than a year.

Ha, been a long time since I have ideas to write. Ok, byebye.

p/s : Would appreciate some advice from friends too :)

See You No More

It was a few times that I have been dreaming about baby.

In this one dream, I dreamt that baby came back to me. Not alone, bringing together a female cat (his wife) and two cute kittens. In that dream I was so happy for the reunion and also for the addition. The kittens were so cute.

But then a number of mad dogs came to us, growling, and obviously wanting to eat baby and his family. Seeing as baby is oblivious of the danger I tried very hard to keep baby and his family away from the dogs. But my priority is baby because there is no way that I'm gonna lose him again.

Then it ends abruptly.

It wasnt until a few hours after I woke up, it hit me that I failed saving my baby and I'll never see him again... Nangis nangis nangis nangis and nangis.. Gila sedeh :'[

p/s : I really really really miss you baby

Missing

Posted this all around the neighbourhood. Been missing for 3 days already.

Baby come back please :'(

Sob sob

I dreamt of baby last night :'(



Rinduuuuuuuuuu

When the world fails you,

you'll be missing them the most. :'(

Ku Takkan Di Sini Selamanya

Manukan Island, 2009

Mother : Why dont you bring Kamal along with us for the next vacation?


p/s : I wonder what that means :)

two oh one oh

let us do our yearly routine shall we?

this year's res;

-to complete my prayers five times a day Not Check!! :(
-to be in the dean's list Not check also :((

-to be a less agressive driver Check!! I think so

-to stop stereotyping, or judge people easily Check~

and the long awaited cliche.. the new years res;

-sekda resolutions!! hahahaha.. ive decided to go with the flow LOL see what's in store for me in 2010

and recapping the last ten years that ive been living (got this idea from Ejant (kamek tiru post kitak ejant makseh) and Rose)
2000
Sat the UPSR examination and as everybody expected I got 5As not a big deal anyway. Was in a puppy love with a classmate. Formed a gang called Gengster Mayat. poyossssiallll.. :P

And oh, broke my front tooth a bit because I fell head first onto the tiled canteen floor and lucky me the tooth made contact with the tile first not my nose. (I jumped from one canteen table to another because apparently at that time I thought I'm a monkey)

2001
Entered Kolej D.P.A.H Abdillah, "1 Biru" was my class. The class monitor is Taufiq who at that time is cute (at least to me). First time meeting friends like Dena, Pyah, Preq, Rezal and the others. The store at the back of the class was our favourite place to hang out although it was stuffy and small.

Stayed in the hostel and met my roommates, Eppy, Siti and the others. It was my first time staying in hostel and mother had to come like twice a week to collect my laundry and iron my uniforms. Hehe. But I still felt homesick and cried in the toilet for the first few weeks LOL.

2002
"2 Biru" Sat beside Florida and we had fun because all we did was fool around in the class bullying people. Because we laughed and talked so much, we didnt even pay attention to the teachers, we were told to get out from the class and to stand outside by our Geography teacher but we sneaked junkfoods out and sat on the cement floor and happily demolished the junkfoods while the others have to bear with the boredom in class.

Fell in "love" with Rezal, my friend also my classmate. Didnt last long tho because I was so fickle that I fell in "love" yet again with a senior. Lupak dah namanya LOL

And also the "tragedy" hahaha. Crying on the staircase and all...Kimennn I still feel like swearing everytime I remembered THAT time. Sapa2 tauk diam jak.

2003
Burrrr..THE PMR. Not that bad tho, considering that I still dont take my studies seriously. Got 7As and 1B. Got B for the Agama paper. Yala, Agama paper was easy peasy yada yada yada at least to you guys but for me it was the most difficult subject to score even for B. Mayb its my punishment for bullying people too much.

And not forgetting I was the class monitor weeeweee weeee hahahaha.. And it's the first time that I'm in the same class with Nora.

Oh I changed my boyfriend already, my boyfriend at that time was K-Jeman. Thought he was handsome at that time (urgh he's actually not that handsome) but by the end of the year he cheated on me! Padan muka aku for being so fickle the previous year. I literally bawled when I knew he cheated on me but then I got over it pretty quickly.

2004
Selected as the Operations Manager for the PUM school club (PUM stands for Persatuan Usahawan Muda), so was busy doing extra curricular activities and not forgetting busy bullying the English teacher, Miss Nadiah (I will remember her until the day I die because Nora and I skipped her class more than we attend them)

And this year also I felt like having lots of extra curricular certs is very important to get into the university (besides good grades) so I joined not only the PUM club, but also the Kelab Pelancongan, the Choir Club, Taekwondo activities..

This year was when I first got to know Aziz "the boy next door" coz he's from the class next to ours. LOL had a crush on him for the rest of the year.

2005
Aziz and I declared officially this year. Was soooo happy not only because I was in the same class with my besties (excluding one) but also I had the best boyfriend ever, at least, at that time.

Entered the state's competition for PUM clubs all over the state. Our team won and was automatically selected to represent the state for the national's. When we arrived at UPM for the competition I was like "we are shit compared to the others from the other states!" but still we did our best tho. And it was fun. Spend the rest of the trip at KL. Spend most of the time with Fareez and Afreeda, and got close with Fareez even after we got back to Kuching. Until now (kinda).

SPM!! I think it was one of my most depressing times. Lost of weight and the haggard look are no strangers during the exam. I remembered that I studied Add Maths non-stop for a few hours. Started to take flu pills just to make myself sleep and to avoid the anxiety for the coming exam.

2006
Got SPM result this year; 6A1s, 2A2s, and 3B3s.. And who can guess what paper I got B3.......

Thought when I got over the SPM exam I am free but how wrong I was and I have no idea that I was binding myself when I signed the contract with Petronas. Tho I SHOULD be thankful that at least I get steady allowance and all that.

First time set foot in UTP I was like, "where the hell was the beautiful buildings that they bragged about?" (our educamp was in MRSM Kuching) :P

Grabbed every opportunity to enjoy myself, who cares about the tests, quizzes, exams, assingments? :P Did lots and lots of shopping.

Was in a long-distance relationship with Aziz and it got hard when he was in the National Service because I could only contact him on the weekends. I remembered the huge row about how I was being so selfish and not caring about him at all. It was a hard time.

And we broke up at the end of the year. What a tragic way to end the year. Huh

2007
Started the first year for Civil Engineering. The studies got harder but I still havent realized that I need to be more serious about my studies. Still got time to go to Ipoh, watch movies and shopping.

Havent got over Aziz yet and was still depressed especially during holidays or when I was not surrounded by friends. Still depending on flu pills and at times, on sleeping pills.

Got myself into trouble by associating with some seniors. At that time, I thought my roomate hated me, my bestfriend hated me.. Felt really down but the senior was like an out for my situation at that time. Therefore it was pretty hard when I had to let him go.

My hero came and made me see sense so that I dont get into trouble anymore. Yeay!~~ :P

This year was a complete mess up.

2008
Boyfriend and me officially declared in February. Finally found my happiness back. :)

Started my second year of study, study got harder and I got more serious in study but still slacking in terms of results :(

Got closer with classmates, I think because of the study trips and the group work for assignments :)

Went lots and lots of outings with classmates; celebrate Eid's at Rafi's house went bowling and karaoke after. and yes we were in our baju kurungs (for the ladies). who the hell cares? hehe

2009
Already in my third year of study. Started the Engineering Team Project. We took the easy way by doing the project that our seniors have already done. Got only B for it :(

Prepared for industrial training. And with father's help got placement at Zecon Berhad. Placed at the Matang Site office for the Matang Highway Project. before i joined Zecon I had no idea that I am going to join a highway project not construction.

First time have to be independent, do things without boyfriend :( Felt so lonely at first but got used to it after a few months.

Hehe but happy all the same :)

Sekian terima kasih. Thats all, xie xie ni, arigatou, kotohuadan!

Happy New Year!

p/s : have to perah all my brain juice to remember back.

Congratulations and Celebrations

Kid sister got straight As for her PMR (the first in the family LOL). So proud of her :') and she wanted a piano as her PMR presie. recommended her the breast enhancement ringtone but she said she'd settle with her own originals for now. so,

*dig into the soil to find some gold to buy the piano*

Anyways, congratulations Irah! <3

p/s : I got straight As for PMR too... straight As and one B.

Satellite Heart

So pretty, so smart
Such a waste of a young heart
Don't you see what's wrong, can't you get it right?
Out of mind, and out of sight

"nenek kakeh, how did you meet nenek kebayan?"

"nenek kakeh, do you love us?"

"nenek kakeh, what is your fav food?"

"nenek kakeh, what do you like to do during ur free time?"

"nenek kakeh, tell me some stories about your police days."

"nenek kakeh, lets go have a walk at the beach."

"nenek kakeh, when is your birthday?"

"nenek kakeh, i love you."

there are so many things to ask you or tell you nenek, and we dont even get the chance to know you better.

you see, since nenek kebayan and nenek kakeh lived separately, the times that we visited nenek kakeh can be counted. sometimes when we went back during the holidays we seldom visited him since he lived with his other children from the second wife. but still, he's our gramps and i regretted for not making the effort to visit him more often. i am not blaming anyone for this, but this is how the situation was. and what saddens me most is that i cant recite even the Al-Fatihah for him because he was a non-muslim.

the last time we visited nenek kakeh in the hospital he said, "i am just waiting for the darkness to come"

i never realized it really was the last time i see him.

so. never ever take the people u love for granted, bcoz if u do, u'll realize one day it is already too late for anything.

p/s : nenek kakeh is in kadazan dusun means grandfather.

Untuk renungan,

a conversation between me and my supervisor the other day;

SV : it will be a few more years before i want to settle down and start a family.

me : why? ure old enough to start a family. i mean ure already 24 and have a job. if i were you i will be thinking of settling down already. in fact i am already thinking of marrying early (haha abes la ko kamal). why do i feel differently?

SV : u're still studying that's why. wait until u join the working world one day, u will understand. i want something more than settling down and starting a family. i want to focus on my job first, gain more experience in the civil engineering works, collect some money, buy a house, car... thennnn i will think of settling down.

me : owwww.... (speechless - she got a point)

u know, although she is just a few years older than me i have to admit that sometimes she is wiser than most people her age or even the older people. what she said had made me think. hehe. well, honestly to my opinion, if u have found the one, why wait? (other than the money factor) :PP i am sooo old-fashioned i knowww. nowadays who wants to marry early? only edward cullen and bella swan. huh. i had too much of twilight.

....but then come to think of it, there are so many things that i want to do before settling down. LOL

anyways, lets wait a few years, then we will see how i still feel about settling down early eh?

p/s : ending new moon tergantung! and nur kasih dah habis!

it's just rocket science

i love holidays!!! ...but the part when the holiday ends just sucks. i still cant get enough of sleep, food, and reruns of the nanny.

some pics from kampong.


yes, i stalked this cow (?) sapi in english apa? haha


i stalked this cat too. i named her miumiu
and we went to Manukan Island last week.

"Taman Tunku Abdul Rahman, Pulau Manukan"


culik slipper Rose!. haha. sis's

'sunbathing'



and when we arrived home last night, my baby looked like he has gained some weight.

the before picture

the after picture, bobo showing his booty

for the first time ever in my life last night, i felt like i dont want to go back to kuching coz i like it better in kk and kota marudu! huhu!

and Selamat Hari Raya Haji everyone.

p/s : wish boyf was there to share the fun.

Kotak hati

i had to let them go. i had no choice. father insisted on sending them away because he said keeping them was too much of a hassle. i dont think they burden me. not at all. not when i love them so much. the mother had been living with us for more than a year already. she's practically family. but we have to part. my father wont keep her any longer. i vowed to myself that if by next year no one wants to adopt her yet i'll take her back. yes, i'll do that. even if i have to pay hundred of bucks for her. ive been missing her so much and been dreaming about her. sob3. u guys take care of yourselves now k. i'll be visiting and bring ur favourite food..fresh fishes. no more running around chasing each other for them. no more yummy food. only cat's biscuits. hu.

on a happier note, we'll be going back to Kota Marudu this wednesday to visit our nenek kebayan. cant wait. will be taking 2 weeks off from practical training.

it is 9.51am and i already browse through the net for pizza hut's delivery service. blergh. when will i stop eating like a pig i myself dont know.

Huuuu i miss Rio.



i dedicate this song to her.



i think i'll be depressed for at least a few days before i can get over this.

dah bye.

p/s: oh yea, 2012 is the bomb. like literally the bomb. totally movie of the year.

Rest In Peace

tho u have been gone for almost a year. u are always in my heart and u will always be the best pet i have ever had (sleep with me at night, never poops in the house, always.. always use the toilet where she's supposed to, the prettiest cat ever). i miss you so much memek... i hope u are happy wherever you are now... and i dont have any pictures of her...because her pictures were in the stolen laptop... just this one... huhu

ive packed a change of clothes and its time to move on

for the first time in so long, this morning, i read the newspaper. and oh my there are some terrible horrible news that made me grimace just reading about it (and i remembered why i dont read papers or watch the news often)

what irked me most is about the Malaysians-stole-Indonesians-cultures issue. i mean, i dont really understand why it is said to be stolen when Malaysians and Indonesians are generally Malays. come on la, we're in the same race no matter where we come from. of courseee the culture is the same. and to think that we let this petty issue become a controversy. *emo2*

anyhoos.

holiday was fine. spent most of it being sick and sleeping. for people who know me well they wont be surprise. i can sleep even when i cook. XD
nahhh thats an exaggeration. all in all, it was great spending time with friends and some of them i only get to see only once or twice a year. wont post any pictures here tho, posted some on facebook already. and the getting sick part is to be expected since the week before Eid i was so busy it was exhausting.

i was online this morning and saw the status messages of friends at utp on gtalk saying that the internet connection is slow and i thought that how lucky i am to have a decent connection here in the office but i found out internet ctok pun slow juak today!

this is pointless.

bah. kerja gk

for those who know me, im not really into cooking but i tried to bake cookies yesterday hahaha lets see how is the result;

first attempt. kah3

sudah cantek. all golden-ish in colour. keh3. not bad eh

anyway, itu biskut kacang. so easy to do, senang kacang potet. mother said it tastes nice. :8)

and oh here are pictures of baby;

she thought the kittens are her babies. :( the mami of the kittens pun xmarah sharing her babies with tam2. so kesian but the most important thing is she is getting better. :)

bah. work22222