packing

1400 - just came back from lunch. gotta start packing like it or not urgh

1430 - dump laundry in the washing machine

1500 - cleaning out the closet and i found a bit too many clothes that are long forgotten or that i havent even wear yet. oh those are the days. :P

1515 - took my taekwondo uniform from the hanger. its when i realized i miss taekwondo so much

1530 - found sayang's handkerchief. its a garfield's handkerchief! so cute. i wish i can keep it.

1617 - tried an old pair of jeans and it fits! hahah... i kept this jeans away bcoz it was to loose for me back then but now it fits. good thing that i have bigger bum than years before

1639 - went out for a while to do some errand

1742 - my parents are too overprotective!!!!!!

1824 - pounding and sitting on the luggage to cram everything in

1911 - took a shower

1930 - leaving. bye utp

the reason..

that i dont support and pretty much hate infidelity is that ive seen how the people that are involved suffered especially the one who got left. ive seen how grandmother suffered living as a single mother raising 6 kids on her own just because grandfather is smart enough to elope with some other woman. ive seen how it had impacted my mother living without a father just because her father decided to leave. i know how it felt like to be betrayed by someone who supposedly care about you.

so when one of my friend got into this kind of thing i feel bugged, i feel disturbed, i feel the need to tell him that he is making a mistake to start something with another girl, a mistake to break his girlfriend's heart, a mistake to let infatuation win.

but how to tell him that? i can pretty much figure out what he's going to say, go to hell and mind your own business. oh i know im going to hell anyway, i just hope there's something about his relationship with his girlfriend that i do not know of, maybe his girlfriend doesnt love him anymore, maybe his girlfriend doesnt care anymore, mayb they have already decided that they dont love each other anymore which results to this. i hope so. i hope no one gets hurt.

the more i think about it the more i feel uneasy but i think i should drop it and let it clutter in my mind until my mind cant take anymore clutters and emotions that ive hid and until my head explodes. yeah, i think i'll do that.

k bye n good riddance!!!!!!! :( i know. im not fine. i dont feel fine. i dont know why ok? dont ask. i just need him.

discouraged.

lately i cant help but to want for more.

i want an ice cream vending machine in my room i want to have at least one day when i dont get sick i want to go back home i want to spend every minute and every second here in peninsular with boyfriend until i get back to kuching knowing that it probably would be the last time that we can see each other every day every fucking minute we can i want boyfriend to understand me without me having to tell him i want to change myself into someone less complicated less emo less everything i want to please boyfriend all the time i want to be the perfect girlfriend, daughter, friend i want my mother and father to be happy i want to see my friends i want to cry i want to scream i want to vent this frustration i want to watch csi i want things to go my way i want boyfriend to know how much i love him i want to tell my friend that he is making a big mistake by breaking a girl's heart i want to hug boyfriend i want to cuddle with him i want to be in his arms as long as i live i want to be boyfriend's everything just like how he is my everything i want to be his number one i want boyfriend to share everything with me just like how i share everything with him i want more money to spend i want a free-worry life i want to see my mother now i want to go as far away as possible i want to be alone i want to be with friends i want to eat i want to download more songs i want my friends to remember me always i want my friends to be happy i want my friends to share their happiness and their sadness i want A for every subject that i take i want people to understand i want mother to understand i want him to understand i want to shop i want to get out from this place i want to have lots and lots of presents i want to have the Madagascar headband that they sell at McD (but too stingy to buy one myself) i want to be someone else i want to be a boy i want to know what it feels like to be a boy i want to know what is going on in boys' heads i want to watch Kami The Movie i want to drink water i want everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to sleep

k bye.

thoughts

yes, i admit that truths are important and lying is a sinful thing to do. ehm. does that includes white lies? dont get me wrong here, I, Nor Azwani Binti Adenan, seldom lies. i just.. hide the truth sometimes, and most of the time its for the betterment of everyone. honest! for instance;

some guy : i dont know if u realize this, but u are a babe.... (his voice oozing with confidence or machoness or slickness or whatever it is)
wani : uh-huh.. *smiles sweetly*

the truth - uh-huh, sure. like im gonna trust a sweet talker like you.

some guy : i am never gonna hurt you...
wani : i know.

the truth - hm... i think so. or i dont. argh. let's just wait n see.

some guy or girl : (after ive done a favor for him/her) thanks a lot!! i'll buy you lunch later ok!
wani : yeah.

the truth - yeah right. u will buy me lunch in an altered universe.

some guy : you take care yea. i still care about you, you know.
wani : yea, you take care too.

the truth - i dont care about you and i dont think you do either, coz if u really have cared about me then why do you hurt me in the first place damnit! *fuh. getting emo*

friend : i think you are prettier than her.
wani : really? no la, she's much prettier, and more fashionable of course. *acting humble because humble is my middle name :P*

the truth - hah! i am prettier than her! it does wonders for my self esteem, thank you friend... kikiki

so u see, im not really a trusting kind of person, but there are also some people that i take their words for. it really depends on how are my perception towards some people whether they have lied to me, or said empty promises and such. and there are times when i hide what i really feel coz i certainly dont want people to think im shallow or crazy or anything else that is just as bad. kan22222 :)

thats all. its just a random thing that ive think about. :P :P

k byebyebyebye...

Dan

Dan...
Bila esok datang kembali
Seperti sedia kala dimana kau bisa bercanda
Dan...
Perlahan kaupun, lupakan aku
Mimpi burukmu
Dimana t'lah kutancapkan duri tajam
Kaupun menangis, menangis sedih
Maafkan aku...

Dan...
Bukan maksudku, bukan inginku
Melukaimu sadarkah kau di sini 'kupun terluka
Melupakanmu, menepikanmu
Maafkan aku

Lupakanlah saja diriku
Bila itu bisa membuatmu kembali bersinar
Dan berpijar seperti dulu kala

Caci maki saja diriku
Bila itu bisa membuatmu kembali bersinar
Dan berpijar seperti dulu kala

beach, melody, n... pee?

went to the beach the other day. so here are some picciessssss

the stinged-by-jellyfish incident. unfortunately, i was too stunned at that time to take pictures of the doctoring process. hahah



sayang after changing into clean clothes. penat bermandi manda

apparently, u can cure the jellyfish sting by peeing on it! no kidding. u can figure out what they did to help our poor friend in the 2nd picture. i didnt take a bath at the sea, and so do my other two girl friends while the others enjoyed themselves thoroughly playing in the waves.

seeing sayang with his friends made me realize that the kind of happiness that he had is totally different than the times when we're together, and it was when i understand why he enjoyed spending time with his friends as much as him with me.

this was one of the time that we get to see the boys half naked tho. :P ok, i am not a pervert if that's what u think! ..went to mcd after, and slept through the rest of the day.

haha thats it for our picnic trip last sunday!

k byeeeeeeee

hah!

well, waddya know, im done with my second paper already. its only been one third of the exam weeks but i already feel like its been for ages. i feel like having some ranting but gotta do some revisions nonetheless so im cutting it short :

• the next paper is on monday, and this time i feel totally unprepared. remember the sinking and drowning feeling that i got for a test some time ago? yes, that is exactly how i feel now too except that its much worse bcoz i feel like my feet is tied to something heavy and im going down2 and i cant do anything about it except to struggle which; i know, will be pointless. this subject is killing all of us, im not kidding, its more horrible than the epidemic only one did not fail a particular subject last 2 sem (in other words, almost everyone in the class failed the subject. but luckily the distribution thing is changed or something so that not many got an F on their result slip compared to before) but that was the lecturer's fault, this time it is the REAL DEAL. this is not only the core subject for civil engineering but it is HARDCORE. okay, i know im exaggerating but what the hell
• bfriend is sick for a few days now and it makes me sad to see him in pain (physically), because usually he is the stronger one and he always take care of me but this time it wud be my turn to take care of him. get well soon sayang!
  
• i feel sick too, coz i dont have my nasal spray with me, this flu im having is really bugging me, u see, i still cant live without meds. not that im addicted to flu pills anymore. but if i have flu it means that i have to take flu pills and it really affects my mood most of the time. flu pills make me feel cranky.

so better start on the revision byebye

why why why

im done!!!!!!!!!!..... with my first paper only. haha. lek lok. lom abis gk.

managed to answer only 70% and i figured out that if it took me 4 days to study one subject and only can answer 70% of the questions so i have to study one or two days more which will take me 6 days maximum so one week of study leave is certainly not enough kan :P

and to explain my abscence for these few days... is the lack of internet connection. uh, busy studying? i was never a person who gets busy by studying, and i will never be. even if my life a depends on it. unless, of course, if someone else's life depends on it, say someone i love, i would.. ok im starting to talk nonsense again.

back to the main point. how does utp be one of the top unis in Msia (having first class facilities and all) when they dont even have a decent internet connection? tell me how! i (am intending to) demand an explanation here please. i can still live with no internet for a few days, but it started to bug me when i need to update blog but i cant.

anyway, the things that kept me amused for these few days;

..were talking something about paying through the internet
alin : paypal.. blablabla.. pay this.. pay that.. such a waste of money!
wani : what's paypal? is it a pal that pays everything for you? hehe...
alin : no.. its how u make the payment thru the internet... cis!! stop taking the meaning of words literally!!
wani : :P

(Godddd i just love to act all innocent and to annoy her :D )

.. of course la i know what paypal is! haha.

.. and bitch about life, of course.

alin : blablabla... yeah, life's fuck.
wani : life fucks who?
alin : well, us obviously. there's no one else.
wani : this fucking is certainly not making me feel any good.

..and friends' comments in this blog that surely make my day every single time~

ive watched the coffin and james bond; and i gave 1 star for the coffin (boohoo! xbest gilak) and 3 stars mayb? ..for james bond. since i never watched any other james bond movies before. oh, who am i to judge. :P

tired already. toodles!

all you wanted

i woke up in the morning expecting to have to endure some pain in my bad foot but surprisingly there was.... none. oh good, it seems like my healing system is really fast then i happily unwrap the bandage and went to toilet (i can almost walk normally, i tell u)

then a few minutes later, the pain slowly creeps in.. i knewwwww it was too good to be true!! huhu. come to think of it, its pretty much how reality sounds; you wake up in the morning, not remembering anything then reality hits you in the head announcing its arrival just a few minutes late. huh!!!

i suddenly miss home. i bet mother can just kiss the pain away. thats how great mother is. :P ok im lying but it will feel pretty much the same bcoz.. well, bcoz she's my mother la.

k bye.

tak kisah

mereka kata ku gile,
lagilah aku suke,
otak ku geliga,
fikiran luar biase,
mereka kata ku samseng,
tapi ku xambil pusing,
pedulikan semua,
fikir ape yg penting!

mcm penah je aku letak lirik ni.

oh semalam aku sangatlah malang. knape? sbb nye pagi semalam (5 nov, 0730) kaki aku terseliuh masa turun tangga. bukan main sakit lagi, sakitnye aku ngn Tuhan je tau. aku mampu nangis je. sekarang aku dah jadi mcm org cacat, jadi tempang. bukanla aku nak mengutuk org2 cacat. no offense tho. kita semua cacat in a way kan. at least, itu ape yg aku percaya. kalau korg nak deny, aku xkisah. xde kaitan dgn aku.

gambar? ye, aku mmg dah ambik gamba kaki aku sbenanye. tapi bila aku fikir2 balik, xpayah je aku post gamba kaki aku yg bengkak dan masih bdarah lagi bwh kulit dia, nanti ade yang muntah. bila aku fikir lagi utk kali ke3, mungkin aku xkisah org nak muntah ke ape bila tengok gamba tu tapi perasaan malas tu dah ade, pandai2 la korg fikir sendiri. dah penat pulak aku fikir.

kalau boleh mmg aku xnak gerak langsung dari katil, satu hari baring aje biar org belikan mknn kalau aku lapa n sume. tapi seumur hidup aku, aku dah blaja utk jarang begantung dgn org sgt especially kwn2 aku, skt mcm mana skali pon, aku kene gak bdiri sendiri (like, literally). sbb tu bila dgn boyfriend aku jadi manja, semua benda nak bgantung dgn dia. tapi dia xphm tu. xape. aku xkisah, wpun ade kaitan ngn aku.

kaki aku dah ok sikit (6 nov, 0254) wpun masih dlm bandage. tapi skrg hati pulak sakit. kalau kaki terseliuh kita boleh letak ais utk redakan sakit, agaknye boleh x kalau letak ais kat dada bila hati kita sakit? rasanya xkot. dan aku xkan cuba teori tu, sbb aku bkn bodoh. tapi ade je org kata aku bodoh ke gile ke ape ke, blkg aku. xpe. aku xkisah. dosa dorg sendiri tanggung, xde kaitan dgn aku.

aku sdr, setiap kali aku post entry dalam bahasa melayu mesti ade org akan ejek punya. sbbnye selama tiga tahun aku menulis blog xpernah aku tulis entry dlm bm. mungkin aku xnak mengaku english aku makin teruk, setiap kali nak tulis something dlm english utk express something rase mcm makin byk sel neuron dalam otak kene kerje berbanding time aku foundation dulu. speaking english pun xbtol dah. tapi skrg xde bende yg memerlukan aku ckp english sgt so buat masa skrg aku xkisah, wpun satu masa nanti aku kene improve balik english aku ni.

and korg sedar tak, lelaki selalu kata benda mcm i wont ever leave you alone, aku rela mati dari buat kau nangis, u are my everything, and mcm2 lagi. tapi selama aku hidup ni (ok, aku tipu mayb after aziz) aku xpernah percaya 100% ape yg dckpkan tu. sbbnye, aku dah pnh lalui dan aku percaya mesti kwn2 perempuan aku pun byk jugak yg pnh lalui situasi mcm ni. so aku hrp pasni mana2 lelaki yg rase korg akan ckp mcm tu kat mana2 prmp, fikir dua tiga kali lagi sbb kalau prmp dah percaya ckp korg tu tapi last2 xjd mcm tu dia mayb xkan bgtau tapi dia akan ingat sampai bila2. aku? aku xkisah dah sbb dah lali sgt dgn perkara mcm ni.

oh dan disini aku nak bgtau kat sape2 yg mungkin xfaham lagi; ini blog aku dan aku boleh tulis ape2 je dlm blog ni asalkan aku xmelibatkan ape2 yg bkaitan dgn politik (xnak ade kaitan pun dgn politik) or ape2 isu sensitif negara skrg. so sapa2 yg baca ni, nak komen buruk2 baik simpan je pastu xyah dtg blog aku lagi sbb membuang masa korg je kan better korg pg garu bontot sendiri or something. and aku sepatutnya xkisah org nak fikir ape setiap kali aku post entry dlm blog ni. ye, aku akan buat mcm tu mulai dari saat ini.

!!!!!

exam is... only one week away!!!

exam is one of the things that makes my heart beats faster and aches, not able to sleep peacefully, and sometimes short of breath just thinking about it. lets hope i dont hyperventilate in the exam hall later eh? :P