if only you could see

"i feel so lonely sometimes"

"i want to make you feel better if i can, but i cant do anything while im away"

"i know"

she didnt tell him that she feels the loneliest when he is there but she feels like he is not all the same

as difficult as it sounds

funny how nowadays you get to eat ice cream for your breakfast when you're not allowed to when you're a kid. i used to be one where i kinda liked the idea of being a grown up and have control of almost everything in your life; sheesh how wrong i was.

now, being a grown up means you have to wake up knowing that you have these responsibilities that you just cant shirk off and having to decide for yourself and sometimes for other people too which may lead to disasters and having to worry about your body figure or how big are your chests or how much excess fat you have or how much money you have left in the bank account and wondering what exactly do you live for.

when i was a kid, i wanted to be a doctor or an engineer, or even enter a beauty peagent where i can sure win and be miss world 201(insert number here). now, i dont have the idea of what i want to be let alone to figure out who i really am......miss world indeed...... hahahah.

people always say that being a kid or a teenager always get you wound up in some kind of trouble and its because of their immaturity or that they can't think for themselves yet. but i dont think that grown ups have less troubles than those kids, its just that sometimes they solve it the easy way -running away from the reality.

yala, dont deny la you know it is true.

anyway, i guess i wont be complaining much about being a grown up as long as i can have ice creams every morning....

--

1.You're really upset; who is the first boy you went to?

- Kamal

2.If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?

- No. I wont want any awkwardness surfacing.

3.Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?

- Yeah.

4.Can you do a split?

- Hahah.... Dont ask.

5.Last person you texted?

- Sherip.

6.Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?

- Night

7.Have you been to New York City?

- No

8.Who is the last person you added to your contacts list in your phone?

- One of my father's employees

9.Do you have any expensive jewelry?

- No

10.Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

- Father

11.Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

- Yeah

12.Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?

- I guess, teehee

13.Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?

- Tadika Sedidik or is it Tadika Pedas? hahah

14.Have you ever tattooed anyone's name on you?

- Haha no.

15.Why is your number one on Friendster number one?

- Dont have a fs account

16.How many piercings do you have?

- Three

17.Which year has been the best so far?

- 2005, 2008 :)

18.Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?

- Yes.

19.Has anyone ever been more important to you than a family member?

- Em, no i guess

20.Last time you laughed really hard?

- Last night

21.Last text message in your inbox?

- Twitter

22.When is your next road trip?

- Em dunno yet

23.Do you know anyone addicted to any type of drugs?

- Yeah

25.Where is your phone?

- On this table

26.Do you know anyone by the name of Dennis?

- No

27.Where is your pet(s) right now?

- Dont have any pets

28.What type, colour phone do you have?

- White? Yg buruk mpun haha

29.What kind of phone do you have?

- Nokia

30.How many kids do you want to have?

- Ask Kamal

31.What color are your eyes?

- Dark dark brown.

32.What is the natural color of your hair?

- Black.

33.What are you doing tomorrow?

- Jogging.

34.Does a heartbreak feel as bad as it sounds?

- I guess so

35.What color is your hair?

- Black

36.Have you eaten popcorn in the past 48 hours?

- No.

37.What movie did you watch last time?

- Eh, dont remember hahah short term memory sorry lorr

38.Have you ever been in handcuffs?

- No.

39.Have you ever been to a strip club?

- No.

40.Have you ever been so drunk you couldn't remember the night?

- No.

41.If you could say anything to any one person, what would it be?

- Rindu..

42.Describe your life in one word

- Busy!!!!

remind me why i need to breathe

mayb if i pretend everything is fine, everything will be fine for real. or mayb if i dont think about it much, i can pretend it never happened and i was never hurt so bad. mayb if i just keep it to myself, things wont get worse.

despite all of that, comments from my friends really made my day! and made me miss them more! even atul is not here! get ur asses back here already ok! i'll be waiting
:)

truth or dare?

i saw my father asleep in the ward just now. ive never seen him looking so fragile... i hope everything is going to be fine

the definition of life

simpang mangayau, kudat

last two nights i dreamt about my boyfriend leaving me and last night i dreamt about my friends back in my high school had forgotten about me.. i woke up with such horror that i cant stop thinking about everyone is really forgetting me and not remembering who is wani anymore.

i realized that one of the things that i scared the most is to be forgotten. being wani (duhh); i always push the thoughts aside and never failed to do that until i had those dreams. urgh. call it whatever u want, nightmares or anything i dont want to think about it anymore.

there's also one thing that i realized (a long time ago but managed not to think about it most of the times) is that im being pretty selfish right from the beginning. i only reply friends' messages or answer calls whenever i feel like it which is seldom to start with. and i deleted my friendster or whatever-ter account 2 years ago and ive lost contact with almost everyone. there's no one else to point fingers to but myself.

i guess i owe a few people some apologies (especially to you, faiz)

wew. thats weird. i dont usually admit my mistakes this easily. i guess the dreams really freaked me out.

one thing i dont like when i got back to kuching is i'll miss everyone more not to mention not seeing sayang. especially when my friends are not here in kuching.

and oh, ive figured out how to use facebook already. hahah

BOOHOO

just came back from sabah. will update more later. muah