its not what i said, its what i didnt say

i think im getting crazy

incident 1 :
i laughed at a cat. i yelled at it until it scampered away and i laughed at it. its not that funny but how i laughed and laughed and laughed. a few seconds later i stopped abruptly bcoz i realized that laughing at a cat is a crazy thing that only crazy people do.

incident 2 :
i put on my headphone but actually the songs are blaring from my computer's speakers. but i still thought im hearing the sounds from my headphone until i realize the headphone is not even plugged in.


incident 3 :
i cried bcoz i had a fight with my boyfriend but a few minutes later i remembered something that made me smile (i was still crying). then sambung nangis balik.


a pic taken back home. im missing homeeee!!! :((((((

its worth a try

saving jane - what i didnt say.

im digging this song!!

once upon a happy time almost all of the love songs used to be OUR love songs. now they're just simply love songs that mean shit to me.

whatever.

ACTUALLY IM FREAKING OUT BECAUSE WE ARE HAVING 3 TESTS TOMORROW BUT I HAVENT STUDIED A SINGLE SHIT AND I CANT SLEEP EITHER BECAUSE IM SO WORRIED ABOUT IT BUT NOT WORRIED ENOUGH TO MAKE ME STUDY, I PLAY TEKKEN AND GOD OF WAR INSTEAD!!!

getting clever, no?

one bright, sunny but boring day....

two girls (cute1 and cute2) were doing their own assignments, revision or whatever fuck they're doing when someone(cute3) barges in, with a maniac grin but the two girls just stares at her indifferently.

until cute 3 said.. ive something to show u guys!

this sparks the interest of the two girls, everyone held their breath and cute3 showed... a purple psp!!

cute1 seriously thought it was a really clever hologram or something bcoz for a moment she didnt believe what she was seeing. the air is still for a moment, until cute1 and cute2 screaming like mad and saying omg u really bought it!! and i dont believe this. are u crazeeeyyyhh?? at the same time.

but the noise resides soon after cute1 and cute2 had done their fair share of excitement. (and cute3 was still smiling maniacally, i guess she's very very happy to buy the psp). haha... being more interested in gadgets and all, cute2 played the psp after cute1 had explored the psp briefly and went to what interests her more.. sleeping.

and so the boring day became an exciting day for the three girls. i know. i know.. its just a psp but its brand new bahh and its shining!! haha...

---
anyway other than cute3 being happy about her psp, there are others who were unlucky. two of my classmates were involved in car accidents and another two of my friends' cars were stolen not so long ago. huhu, kesian!! but i can do nothing to help them, all i can do is give them the peanut butter sandwiches that i make everyday for me to eat while i walk, study, in the lecture, bila bila masa lah!

speaking of food, do u kno that my weight have increased 3kgs for only 3 weeks?!!! i was like *insert cuss word here* what happened to sticking to my ideal weight?! i realized that all i do here is eat eat eat especially now that im addicted to chunky peanut butter (the one that got bits of peanuts in it.. makan dgn gardenia bread. nyam nyam!)

in fact i remembered one of my classmates said to me that i always eat every single friggin time she sees me. but i was not worried about that, i eat some more after that.. i eat like there's no tomorrow. i just love foods, i cant do anything about it. lol.

i really dont give a damn about being fat until.... one night i moved my right thigh a bit. just an inch, when i realized it wobbles!! it wobbles like a water balloon it scares me i nearly freaked! okla mayb only a bit but still... i dont want my thighs to look like this (and neither do u!)


and neither do i want to look like this


i want to be a normal person with a normal body (optional : bigger chest). haha..! who am i kidding..

i think im missing xanga already. teehe.

stuck it up your arse and go to hell

i tell you, nothing is nice about this post.

it all started this morning when i woke up late; 0745 hours while the class starts at 8, i was pissed bcoz ive to rush and ive vowed to myself not to skip morning classes and so i managed to get ready in 10 minutes (pecah rekod). the 15 minutes walk to the lecture hall become a 5 minutes walk only and u can imagine how fast i walked. yes, i walked.

then in the evening ive to replace a lab session that ive missed yesterday (bcoz i slept, expecting that my labmates will call me on my cell) and the BEST thing was that i have to join this one group which im not so fond of. i came to the lab just to find out that i have to put up with my labmates taunting about me sleeping and not attending the lab session yesterday and blaming my boyfriend for it. and what the fish i felt bad already for missing the lab yesterday and having to join the other group so why do they have to make it worse?! they told me to go away and i dont belong to the group which make it worse than ever tho they didnt friggin realise it they're just happy in their own world with their own circle of friends.

how i wish i can just yell SHUT THE FUCK UP but i cant bcoz im not that kind of a person i just fume on the inside tho i wanted to do it very much.

then i went thru the lab (luckily nothing happened that will make my blood boil anymore). after the lab, i was left all alone to throw away the remainings of the cement paste and wash the container used..... i was like what the fuck man im not ur guys' kuli!!!!!!!!

but i just screamed on the inside, while begrudgingly cleaned all the mess after the experiment. when ive finished they have all went back or went home or wherever fuck they went.

and to imagine ive been having this massive headache since the beginning of the lab, i feel a shot of pain in my head everytime i sneeze or cough. tho ive taken a couple of painkillers i dont think the ache will reside soon.

im still fuming with anger, lucky im not the kind of person who throws things when she's angry so my roommate and stuffs are safe from my wrath.

i think i'll just sleep it off.

go away you friggin............... ugly thoughts

to azmi; bcoz ure not the only one who finds it hard to let go

frankly, up to this point i still cant figure out what am i doing here still living and breathing. im like a heartless robot who is trying so hard to be as humane as she can be, but it is so difficult to even feel the surge of love for someone, anyone in her anymore. and ironically people thinks that im a fickle.

ugh, and i think im getting fat here in UTP; bcoz foods can distract me from any kind of situation that i dont want to deal. (read : i dont and wont deal with the things that i find difficult to even think about). i dont know what is happening to my exercise regime bcoz it seems to be effective for only the first few weeks. hah! mayb if there are some hot guys to look at during those evenings then i'll definitely be one of the frequent visitors of the UTP lake. uhm, of course i'll go jogging and whatsoever fitness thingy, what do u think i'll be doing?? (other than watching the wonders of their hot body in their hot exercise gear). ngiahaha.

aargh my thigh is killing me. i feel like an old woman already what with these aches all over my body.

*double sigh* im thinking of throwing away all the meds but then again, what if i need them in case of emergency? just in case i need to put my mind off of things. you know.... oh well. if it is that difficult to decide, i'll let it be.

without you here by my side

to remember who you are