im only sleepinggg

its been like what. a month since i havent update anything? dont blame me ok, blame the nonexistence of utp's internet connection which is a disappointment and i do wonder where do all the internet charges go if they dont bother to upgrade? :(

ehm. updates. heh. i went back to kuching for a week ONLY.... xlamak, kjp jak, but i tell u, holidays are not the same when my friends are not there too :( so what i did is only help bapak at the cafe, eat, sleep, swim, oh mostly spent my time with family.

and and... when i came back to this hellhole, yes this is a hellhole it has been one lately; all the assignments, projects, revisions that i have been blissfully forgotten about during the holiday came back to haunt me with a swirling tornado!! gila busy i tell u ish33333 rasa nak mati pun ada. i knowwww i can never get away with spending even a day without thinking about them. urgh. boring da jak.

hehe and i not only accomplished to stack all of the works into stacks of somewhat resembles the pisa tower :P, but i also managed to widen my waistline wuwuwuwuwu.... 

oh and last week i spent the weekend at boyf's hometown, hihihi.. go see my inlaws :P ehm. jk. its a last minute thing actually, bcoz boyf had an emergency and he had to go back home and no one can teman him, so being a worried fart i am, dont want him to drive alone for 8 hours, me and enoi tagged along. its quite fun actually, spending time with his family even get to know his uncles, aunties, cousins altho the mood is not really appropriate for the occasion... (boyf's gramps passed away)

suddenly i feel like having sleepover at dena's or nora's and talking nonstop huhu ish3 mayb im missing them too much already.

and what the hell is Scheduled outage at 2:00AM PDT on Thursday (4/16) anyway? this is so random. k lah bye

*happy* ngeengee

oh for the record ive been reading breaking dawn trillion times already and dont get me started on the movie itself and other sequels too, i know, gla o?

byebye/

reasons why you need a gf :)

this is a reply to syara's. haha

1) if ure broke, u can ask money from her :P ("its ok u can pay me later when we're married k sayang... i love you muah muah")

2) if ure down or if u have a bad hair day, u can always count on her to cheer u up. (i blanje u steamboat mlm ni, nk x? jgn sedih2 lg k~~~ shian dieee..)

3) u can skip classes often for she can help u take notes and assignment questions from the lectures

4) u can stare at her openly, compared to the time when u had a crush on her earlier and can only stare at her secretly and the best part is that u guys can exchange that lovey dovey look anytime u want

5) having a gf is hot, it is an indicator that u are wanted and desirable and having a gf makes u harder to get (we like challenges, dont we? *wink*)

6) love itself can make u feel alive, it changes ur perspective on almost everything, it makes u feel more optimistic

7) eventho it is hurtful, u need the emotional wear n tear sometime or another otherwise ur life will be boring and for me, i like the make up part the best :P

8) u will not be lost anymore, bcause she defines ur life, she creates a purpose for u to live hahahaha what am i crapping

9) u can have presents, even better if ur gf has many of those ching2s.. u can get expensive ones everytime :P

10) u dont have to keep ur feelings to urself, u can tell her everything u can tell her that ure sad u can cry u can tell her that ure mad at this polan bin polan, but i doubt u want to cry in front of her, no? ;)

11) u can fill in the emptiness that u have been feeling before she came 

12) u can have a massage service for free

13) u can eat for free (this is applicable for when she is cooking)

14) bangga! if ure gf is pretty or beautiful or popular, can show off :P

15) can boost ur self esteem, especially if u get a loving gf and she can give u all the attention u need

16) u are certain with what u want to do with ur future, at least, with her

17) u wont have to keep all the metaphoric love phrases to urself, u can tell it to ur gf and express how much u love her

18) u can have dreams about her all night long, happy dreams of course

19) u dont have to wait for ur folks to find ur soulmate, u already found her

20) u can be the hero u always wanted to be, at least, to her, protect her and stuff.

21) u dont have to wait anymore :)

22)

haha penat dah.. malas2

ngeeee

jom balit kch!!!

72% noty

[] Gotten detention.
[] Gotten your phone taken away in class.
[ ] Gotten suspended.
[X] Gotten caught chewing gum.
[ ] Gotten caught cheating on a test.

Total: 1

[X] Arrived late to class more than 5 times.
[X] Didn’t do homework over 5 times
[X] Turned at least 3 projects in late.
[X] Missed school cause you felt like it.
[x] Laughed so loud you got kicked out of class.

Total : 5

[] Got your mum / dad etc. to get you out of school.
[X] Texted people during class.
[X] Passed notes.
[X] Threw stuff across the room.
[X] Laughed at the teacher.

Total : 4

[] Pulled down the Fire Alarm.
[X] Went on Myspace , Facebook , Xanga , etc. on the computer at school. (yes, fully using uni's facility! XD)
[X] Took Pictures during school hours.
[X] Called someone during School hours.
[X] Listened to an iPod , CD , etc... During class.

Total : 4

[x] Threw something at the teacher.
[X] Went outside the classroom without permission.
[X] Broke the dress code.
[] Failed a class.
[X] Ate food during class.

Total : 4

[] Gotten a call from school.
[] Couldn’t go on a field trip cause you behaved badly.
[X] Didn’t take your stuff to school.
[] Gotten a detention and didn't go.
[] Stuck up your middle finger at a teacher when they were not looking.
[x] Cursed during class loud enough so the teacher could hear

Total : 3

[X] Faked your parents signature.
[X] Slept in class.
[ ] Cursed at a teacher to their face.
[X] Copied homework.

Total: 3

MULTIPLY BY THREE : 24X3=72%

im just bored..

one year.. and counting

Him;

who's always there for me thru thick and thin.

who's only presence can take away my pain.

who's face that i always miss (even when im with you :P, that explains the staring most of the time).

who's willing to do almost anything for me.

who's fond of teasing me most of the time.

who's smell is my favourite smell of all time (no need perfume, hehe)

who's embrace is my favourite place in the world.

whom i call bucuk but actually smells nice.

who's goofy smile always brings a smile of my own.

who still loves me even when im being a bitch.

who knows how im feeling without me even telling.

who's willing to bear listening to all the gossips (coz im a busybody).

who i cant help but not feel angry or mad anymore when i look at him.

to be my bestfriend, lover, protector, and everything else at once, must be a hard job to do. i know coz im a difficult person, but still you stayed with me (tho at certain times, i expected u to run or give up on me). thank you for everything. we've gone this far, and yes, i still love you and will always be insyaAllah.

Happy Anniversary Sayang! :)

gamba blur :( but still cute hehe

babai....

cool la kau tek!

i am still head over heels for my new computer. i love it more when people gawk at it. how nice.. kui33333. im allowed to have my own moment of  smugness ok even if i seem to be modest at times.

anyhu, since i dont have much mindless tittle tattle to write i wud like to share this pic;

credit to Check Lah Pok for this pic

aku sik tauk pahal mak nya potong rambut anak nya gya. kipas susah mati nike kali >_<

I who have nothing

can i give up? can i give up trying now? im tired.

take me away

when things go wrong, u'll start to wish for the impossible.

hello valentine's day

to say that so much had happened is an understatement.

with the staggering number of deaths of students from utp (mayb im exaggerating abit, but still..) for the last few months, i cant help but feel weird that life goes on, as if nothing had happened. another one died last monday; drowned in the waterfall in the nearby area. well, i dont really know how the story goes but u can know more from here and here.

and what with the chaos of the politics in Perak.. brrrr.. we are very fortunate that nothing else happened other than the usual demonstration against the resignation of the former MB.

as if its not enough, a group of people decided to complicate things more.. hehe

credit to Shira for the pic

maybe the message of this picture here is to warn people about how Valentine's (not valentine) Day is supposed to be haram for celebration, i mean we geddit, but the concept of the sentence is so wrong. "no valentine day, no fornication"? dont get me wrong, but if these people opened their eyes wider, they can see that fornication can happen almost everywhere, Valentine's Day or no Valentine's Day. come to think of it, it was pretty funny, the picture i mean. :P the girl malu2 plak nak ajak boyfriend dia to fornicate (?) haha...

and im not finished about the people complicating things more -apparently the citizens of the nearby housing estates had the nerve to write to our beloved bapak (the Rector la, haha) about how it is supposedly haram (again!) to organize an event on this Valentine's Day. they even threatened to have a demonstration and to complain about this matter to the Mufti Perak if the event is not cancelled, which is totally nonsense btw coz the organizing committee have worked so hard for this coming event. come on la, it makes a little bit of sense if they have protested on this event earlier, way earlier, before the organizing committees started their work on this event. to suddenly cancel the event, after months of hard work, is totally unfair. and to me, the date that the organizing committess chosen have nothing related to celebrate the V-Day, it just happens that it is the suitable date for their event.

in Sarawak, celebrating V-Day has never been an issue. tau2 sendiri la kan which is haram and which is not.

funny la how absurd Malaysians can be especially in East Malaysia. no offense tho :)

oh btw, the event is about Cultural Performance (FESCO) dunno what is the real name tho, will be going there with friends tonite (to show our support for the event, totally! and to enjoy ourselves of course) and i can assure you that there will be no fornication at the UTP Chancellor Hall later on during the event. haha :P

nyhoo... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MY BELOVED MAMI AND PAPI~~~~~~

mandik lok. bye folks.

look alikes

cayak x mun aku madah style rambut tomok sama ngn style rambut rihanna??







pegi saloon yang sama kali ho... >_<

:(

dunno how to put feedjit in my blog. sob sob. sedih2

vampire

dedicated to twilight fans all over the world. haha...

Antsy Pants - Vampire

I am a vampire
I am a vampire
I am a vampire
I am a vampire
I am a vampire
Vampire

I am a vampire
I have lost my fangs
I am a vampire
I am a vampire
I am a vampire
I have lost my fangs

So I'm sad and I feel lonely
So I cry and I'm very angry
And I hate some garlic
So I'm so no more sad and
Ache yeah yeah

I am a vampire and
I am looking in the city
Pretty girls don't look at me
Don't look at me
Cause I don't have my fangs
But I have lost my fangs

I am a vampire
I am a vampire
I have lost my mouth again
I am a vampireI am a vampire
I have lost my mouth again

So I get bone and I shred
So I eat popcorn and I lose the weight
And I sing with my best looking
And I want to play the guitar
But my guitar is out of tuneI am a vampire
I am looking in the cd
And the musical don't play with me
Don't play with me

Because I don't play with my mouse again
And I have lost my mouse again

cant be bothered to actually post the song itself. u can search for it tho. its one of juno's soundtrack :P

let's go get lost

i cant get enough of;

- cloud 9s
-sayang
-sleep
-twilight the movie (i watched it 3 times already ok)
-twilight saga (i finished reading the twilight sequeals in barely a week, and im reading the last one for the second time)
-twilight websites
-twilight
-hidup twilight, makan twilight, mandi twilight, minum twilight, tido twilight.

:P

crazy

you found me

go away, pain. i can't take it anymore.

I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All along
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything".
Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all my world
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait?
To find me, to find me

i love the fray's. its so much easier to love music.

what goes around comes around

the title is so cliche i know.

all this while, i know that i have low tolerance for pain, and u wud say that i wud be the person to avoid pain at all costs but on second thought i act the total opposite. like, i know i have sensitive tonsils, there was even this one time when my tonsils were swollen so much that when i drink or even speak it hurts so much. doctor, bf have advised to cut down on the consumption of cold drinks but i was stubborn and now the tonsils feel painful if not uncomfortable.

and another thing that i know i will get hurt at some point when i love someone this much, (dont get me wrong, i get hurt because of my high expectations, its not because of sayang), but i still cant help falling in love with bf, so u see even if i am the person who whines too much about a cut on the finger or get restless when my mouth have ulcers and other little things that are supposed to make me at least can ignore those little things but no.. i still whine. a lot.

so everytime i feel the littlest sorethroat ever i freak out already fearing that my tonsils would get swollen again and this time my nitemare came true. wuhuhu, and of course im not telling bf! he will scold me for not heeding his warning all this time. and mother too, and father too. lol

so, i have to endure this alone (with the meds) and i'll try not to whine, not even a single word of pain! yes! i will be strong! i deserve it anyway :(

talking about deserving things, u know, i really believe in karma (are muslims allowed to believe in karma?) well, for example if people talk this... that... behind you, the same thing will happen to them, and to the people dissing them and to the people dissing them them :P come to think of it, it actually is some sort of a cycle. so folks, if u have had ur fair share of gossiping do expect that people will gossip about u too, doesnt matter it is about bad or good things. and as for me, i dont really care what people are talking behind my back as long as i dont know about it and if i do know about it, its not hurtful enough to make me feel bitter about them.

ah, its quite nice talking about my swollen tonsils and karma rather than dissing people in my blog kan, it is much much nicer :)

bye kawan2 yang aku sayang and ingat selalu. (yes, i get mushy2 these days, i dont care, it feels nice)

and goodbye to u too, my brother from another mother (okay, im not referring to anyone i just want to use the phrase :P )

totally sex and the city

i love my girl friends both here and back home because;

- we can share inside jokes that no other people can understand

- they bought me a bday cake after a few years not having a bday cake

- we can bitch about the people we want even if its mean and they dont deserve it, and we still will enjoy it and the people who bitch about us? oh yes, we will bitch about them back 100x greater :)

- we can talk non-stop for a few hours about anything, everything

- they always cheer me up when im down even if they dont intend it

- they rock my world

:)

byebye.....

xpa sepul aku msh xlupak kau juak, i still love you too :)

bye...

ive packed a change of clothes and its time to move on

2006;

read through my xanga blog and do u know that i punched a classmate somewhere in 2006? i was suprised but it was kind of a pleasant surprise, as mellow as i am, i had my fair share of beating people up tho its just a punch :)

and i used to want to go to japan, but what happened now? i dont even care which country i want to visit anymore.

i had and english tutor, dr mahalinggam appawu :) he was very amusing hehehehe quote 'the unbelievable thing is he tried to switch on the cassette player but the player wont work and guess what? he was still holding the cabel that he was supposed to plug in to an electric supply. ok now i feel like i wanna burst with laughter. hahhahaha......' unquote hehehe funneyhhh

i watched legally blonde 2 and here i thought i havent watched it and downloaded it and watched it for the second time.

i used to have interest in football.. i was the brazil team fan. yes i was

i was paranoid and i still am...

i have had things i want to achieve when i grow up, dreams, goals.. and now i dont know if i have one

i felt like crying almost always.. lol

i had a kitten named momoe, and i dont even remember it! huhu.. i wont forget about memek. never!

i liked a boy name gaddafi.

i wanted to open a bakery shop :P :P

i had a teddy bear named baby.

i wrote a hate post for some people.

i was a lazy bum big time!

i loved text messaging. haha

i took this quiz called what's your love style and i took it again a few minutes ago and i still have the same love style.. whatever that means

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrifice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

it is amusing to read back the old posts and how my life had been in 2006 and 2007 (and i have nothing else better to do)

k bye

happy (late) new year

i was listening to James Blunt - Same Mistake when i remembered it was around the middle of January last year that i listened to the same song too and cried a few times over it :) and it reminds me of this post and i was reminded of how depressed and sad i felt at that time. (and not to mention, lame)

ive been putting off on posting this new year post but i guess right now is better than never.

recalling my last year's resolution;

-to be a better person. CHECK~
-to stop taking meds just to make myself sleep every night. hell yeah CHECK~~~
-to stop, literally, and this time i really really mean it, having the need to have one or a couple of cigs everytime i feel like my head is going to burst with pressure CHECK!!~~
-to have a flat tummy not check...
-to be really happy by the end of the year CHECK :)
-to get over aziz. CHECK CHECK CHECK~~~~

gawddd.. i never imagined i wud achieve almost all of my last year's resolution as i thought resolutions are so overrated. honestly i dont really know what overrated means but whatever :)

so, these years resolutions;

-to complete my prayers five times a day
-to be in a dean's list

-to be a less agressive driver

-to stop stereotyping, or judge people easily

dah, thats all, i dont want to have so many resolutions. dont want to get too confident with myself. and (second) last but not least, i love my boyfriend so much.. (yes people, lets all puke.... hehe)

the pictures summarizes the second half of my 2008 :)

raya 2008

memek kissing my cheek

ah, 2008 was a blast. :) happy new year people.

blogspot is being wacky!! kimaa...k... tok aku mok emo tok

you make it real

u know the feeling when one thing goes wrong and upsets u and then all of the other things that have been making u feel terrible begin surfacing. this has got to be one of the worst times in my life;

tonight is the first night in this week that im free of group studies, or meetings, or other engagemants and thought it wud be nice to spend the time with boyfriend but got stood up by him over his friends instead (apparently because of some important brotherhood stuffs).

i miss my cat, terribly, not to mention my family.

the internet connection here is almost useless, it took me more than 50 attempts just to view my blog.

i dunno and i cant imagine how i wud survive in utp without boyfriend with me

i ran out of how i met your mother episodes to watch. and i dont want to watch other series! its not the same.

i received an email saying that i havent returned the books that ive borrowed from kuching library, asked mother's help to return them back but she sounds like she couldnt care less, she even scold me for not taking care of it before i got back to utp

i cant go back to kuching this cny holiday or even to shah alam where thats the second place in the world that i wud feel at home despite the fact that ive been staying in utp for more than 2 years. utp sucks

and that leads to the fact that i cant see dena in kl later.

i am hungry.

i really dont have anything to do. i dont know what to do, i think i wud die of boredom.

i think shopping can solve all the problems at least for a short while, but u see, i often feel like shopping when i have no money and that sucksss

thats about it. the things that makes me feel terrible
k bye..

anyway lagu yang terlewatkan by sheila on 7 is nice.. one of the depressing songs that i can listen to when im depressed :)

k k byebye..

lesson learnt

never diss about anyone on your blog, which obviously will lead to people hating you or talking behind your back.

thats all. haha :) bye

those were the days

:). *credit for zafira zaid for these photos.

k byeeee

i hate everything about you

Instructions:
a. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
b. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
c. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN, NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
d. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
e. Put this on your blog.

1. If someone says, "Is this okay?"
= diriku tapak sulaiman.. kikiki, this is so wrong

2. How would you describe yourself?
= falling.. :P

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
= wont go home without you (yes i depend on my man that much)

4. How do you feel today?
= topless.. hahah.. actually, thats a bit accurate. and no, its not like that.

5. What is your life's purpose?
= breaking my heart.. yes, breaking my own heart.

6. What is your motto?
= stand by me!

7. What do your friends think of you?
= i have loved you

8. What do you think of your parents?
= find my way back. :)

9. What do you think about very often?
= catalysts. haha no im not a nerd... maybe other catalysts of some sort

10. What is 2+2?
= breath (??)

11. What do you think of your best friends?
= any other world (yeah, cannot be found in any other world) :)

12. What do you think of the person you like?
= into the fire

13. What is your life?
= dont look back in anger. hey, i like this song

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
= (i wanna be) zoe jane.. haha.

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
= when the smoke is going down.. haha this is hilarious. smoke n fire sure got the connections.

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
= i can see it now by oasis. sure, will do.

17. What will they play at your funeral?
= sesuatu yang indah >_<

18. What is your hobby/interest?
= bad girl :) nawww, not really. mayb with bf only :)

19. What is your biggest fear?
= this i promise you.

20. What is your biggest secret?
= aku pasti datang

21. What do you think of your friends?
= strawberry swing :)

22. What will you post this as?
= i hate everything about you. no, i dont :)

got this from faiz's. actually, i was in the middle of making my class timetable when i feel like doing this questionnaire. ish2, im so easily distracted.

k bye.

light on

i get disappointed by people so often already, that i dont know what to feel or say anymore.

save your apologies for someone else.

far away

okay so im continuing the tag (took me so long) :)

11. like i said i always forget about things, like this one time when i was buying egg tarts, i paid and then went off.. forgetting the eggtarts on the counter until bf reminded me. huhu.. these things happen to me at least once a day. bf did ask "what were you thinking??" i dont know what i were thinking most of the time huhu
12. i hate milk. i used to have this taboo against drinking milk believing that i will puke whenever i drink milk but i tried drinking milk once (after more than 10 years of not drinking milk) and miraculously i didnt puke hehe but i still hate milk, coz milk always leaves a disturbing sense in my mouth
13. sometimes i have this feeling of wanting everyone to like me, or to be fofular... sometimes.
14. when im upset, or angry my temperature will shoot up hyperbolically until max 100 degrees, (and i get upset easily), sometimes i will also get dizzy that i have to lie down for a while
15. i havent gone shopping for almost a month :) bangga, but i broke the record last week >_< 16. i secretly fear on hearing what others may get for last semester's result coz i know everytime they mention about their results i get more n more disappointed with mine (tho actually its kinda ok, huh)

hehe since ive lots of time i'll continue with the second tag;

The Rules: Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions.Post the first definition it gives you. Tag 5 people.

1. Your name?
azwani
azwani isn't defined yet.

2. Your age?
20
the number before 21 and after 19. generally used when counting.

3. One of your friends?
Diyana
diyana isn't defined yet.

4. What should you be doing?
sing
To use one's vocal chords to make musical tones.

5. Favourite colour?
blue
The hue of the portion of the visible spectrum lying between green and indigo, evoked in a human observer by radiant energy with wavelengths of approximately 420 to 490 nanometers.

6. Birthplace?
Malaysia
"The country where education is very highly politicised.Also a country where Malays are literaly spoonfed from their moment of their birth up to their deaths.Even if you are the no.1 student in Malaysia,you won't get a place in a public university of your choice if you are not a Malay.A Malay can beat you to the seat even if he's a freakin' retard.That is guaranteed. Friendly?Yes.Non-racist?Not always so."

7. Month of your birth?
December
The month in which the hottest women are born. (haha)

8. Last person you talked to?
Boyfriend
a great guy who make you feel good bout urself... a protector, and ur best friend

9. One of your nicknames?
Wani
Urban Alligator; a human form gator that lives in a city, or is transient. (ish3... hahah)

10. I tag
dena, dira, jason, nola, jae

okay another; haha.. this is the last one i promise (at least for today) :)
good thing this tag has no rules hehe

1. If your lover betrayed you, how will you react?
i'll get very upset, get very depressed, lost appetite and such. at least for a few years :) haha.. dunno, mayb i'll put a spell on him so that he will suffer. yes im a very bitter person

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
right now? i wud wish for boyfriend to have higher grades.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
myself. possible? :)

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
give them all to my parents. i owe them more than that.

5. Would you fall in love with your best friend?
i did. :)

6. Which do you think is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Loved by someone more than my love for him. (huh, sama ngn syara la! hehe)

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
i wud just go with the flow..

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
dont put any hope for him even if i still like him.

9. If you were to act with someone, who would it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
mestilah edward cullen :)

10. Would you invite your Ex bf/gf to your wedding?
yes, i wud. we're still friends bah.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years' time?
i cant see myself in the future. dh mati kali

12. What’s your greatest fear?
losing my loved ones.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is
hardworking! i envy her for that :)

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
i wud get rich first then i'll want to marry :)

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
look at the handphone to see what time is it already.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
yes. i wish bf wud too.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
i never fall in love with two people simultaneously. its impossible. at least for me it is.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
no.

dah. thats it for today hehe. i dont know answering tags can be so tiring

bye folks.

hell yeah

this is my new baby! so happy about it :D
anyway. tagged by syara;

Bertajuk 16 perkara rawak.

Syarat dan peraturan:

1. Apabila telah terpilih dengan malangnya, silalah menulis 16 perkara rawak sama ada tentang fakta, perangai tak senonoh, ataupun hala tuju hidup anda.

2. Silalah hasut 16 orang lain untuk melakukan perkara ini.

3. Sila tanda manusia yang telah menanda anda diperingkat awal. (Gila ke ni? Haha)

4. Ketahuilah, jika anda terpilih ia adalah kerana anda juga manusia biasa yang perlukan perhatian dan kasih sayang yang secukupnya ketika bayi.

so here goes..

1. i am myself when im with boyfriend, i fart, i burp i can do anything i want in front of him without feeling embarassed kikiki...

2. i am a paranoid person. i always think of the worst. i can be extra careful sometimes, i always feel that locking my room door in the hostel is not enough i have to double lock it with a padlock so that my baby wont get stolen, or i would bring more than a couple of safety pins in my handbag just in case i need them or when the safety pins that im using broke or something and i bring more than one extra hairband just in case hehe.

3. i use safety pins on the waist of my jeans btw (kurus gilak)

4. and do u know that even if im extra careful, i still forget things, sometimes lock the door just in time to remember that i forget to bring the keys. bagusss!!!

5. i would get emotional once ive read depressing novels, so beware!

6. i have a bantal busuk that i cant live without

7. i would smile to myself with no reason everytime i see boyfriend :)

8. i still would have civilization with the people that i dislike, but i make sure to keep a distance :)

9. i have a few people on my hate list, tho i tried so hard not to have any

10. im a sucker for romantic stuffs

11. ...

i'll continue later. haha penat dah. bye

so be it

in loving memory


they were super duper cute but were lost a few months ago. this post is so outdated.

anyway, i dont know whats wrong with me lately, feeling like everything is not enough, him loving me is not enough, being with family is not enough, just being around friends is not enough, then what is? i cant tell bf how im feeling, not without making him hurt. huhu

to a friend; i didnt chicken out! :D

dahbye

getting old

when i turned 20, i expected some changes in me, maybe to feel more mature, or to have bigger chests, or to miraculously have lots and lots of money in the account.. or. hehe i dont know what else exactly that i expected. but then i still stammer when im in an awkward situation, and i still keep my old bolster (already yellowing), i still watch spongebob squarepants and im still my old self. hehe

my birthday was a blast nonetheless. had dinner with family the night before at the garden steamboat restaurant and tonight had dinner with friends at the pizza hut, which i dont forget to mention, we got free dessert at the pizza hut because they happen to have free treat for birthdays. hehe

okay i dont know what else to write so here are my wishlist for my birthday :

1. a brand new sony camera
2. brand new purse
3. brand new laptop

generally thats it. hehe so u know what to get me and its not too late to buy me the pressies! :D thank you so much! xoxoxo

packing

1400 - just came back from lunch. gotta start packing like it or not urgh

1430 - dump laundry in the washing machine

1500 - cleaning out the closet and i found a bit too many clothes that are long forgotten or that i havent even wear yet. oh those are the days. :P

1515 - took my taekwondo uniform from the hanger. its when i realized i miss taekwondo so much

1530 - found sayang's handkerchief. its a garfield's handkerchief! so cute. i wish i can keep it.

1617 - tried an old pair of jeans and it fits! hahah... i kept this jeans away bcoz it was to loose for me back then but now it fits. good thing that i have bigger bum than years before

1639 - went out for a while to do some errand

1742 - my parents are too overprotective!!!!!!

1824 - pounding and sitting on the luggage to cram everything in

1911 - took a shower

1930 - leaving. bye utp

the reason..

that i dont support and pretty much hate infidelity is that ive seen how the people that are involved suffered especially the one who got left. ive seen how grandmother suffered living as a single mother raising 6 kids on her own just because grandfather is smart enough to elope with some other woman. ive seen how it had impacted my mother living without a father just because her father decided to leave. i know how it felt like to be betrayed by someone who supposedly care about you.

so when one of my friend got into this kind of thing i feel bugged, i feel disturbed, i feel the need to tell him that he is making a mistake to start something with another girl, a mistake to break his girlfriend's heart, a mistake to let infatuation win.

but how to tell him that? i can pretty much figure out what he's going to say, go to hell and mind your own business. oh i know im going to hell anyway, i just hope there's something about his relationship with his girlfriend that i do not know of, maybe his girlfriend doesnt love him anymore, maybe his girlfriend doesnt care anymore, mayb they have already decided that they dont love each other anymore which results to this. i hope so. i hope no one gets hurt.

the more i think about it the more i feel uneasy but i think i should drop it and let it clutter in my mind until my mind cant take anymore clutters and emotions that ive hid and until my head explodes. yeah, i think i'll do that.

k bye n good riddance!!!!!!! :( i know. im not fine. i dont feel fine. i dont know why ok? dont ask. i just need him.

discouraged.

lately i cant help but to want for more.

i want an ice cream vending machine in my room i want to have at least one day when i dont get sick i want to go back home i want to spend every minute and every second here in peninsular with boyfriend until i get back to kuching knowing that it probably would be the last time that we can see each other every day every fucking minute we can i want boyfriend to understand me without me having to tell him i want to change myself into someone less complicated less emo less everything i want to please boyfriend all the time i want to be the perfect girlfriend, daughter, friend i want my mother and father to be happy i want to see my friends i want to cry i want to scream i want to vent this frustration i want to watch csi i want things to go my way i want boyfriend to know how much i love him i want to tell my friend that he is making a big mistake by breaking a girl's heart i want to hug boyfriend i want to cuddle with him i want to be in his arms as long as i live i want to be boyfriend's everything just like how he is my everything i want to be his number one i want boyfriend to share everything with me just like how i share everything with him i want more money to spend i want a free-worry life i want to see my mother now i want to go as far away as possible i want to be alone i want to be with friends i want to eat i want to download more songs i want my friends to remember me always i want my friends to be happy i want my friends to share their happiness and their sadness i want A for every subject that i take i want people to understand i want mother to understand i want him to understand i want to shop i want to get out from this place i want to have lots and lots of presents i want to have the Madagascar headband that they sell at McD (but too stingy to buy one myself) i want to be someone else i want to be a boy i want to know what it feels like to be a boy i want to know what is going on in boys' heads i want to watch Kami The Movie i want to drink water i want everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to sleep

k bye.

thoughts

yes, i admit that truths are important and lying is a sinful thing to do. ehm. does that includes white lies? dont get me wrong here, I, Nor Azwani Binti Adenan, seldom lies. i just.. hide the truth sometimes, and most of the time its for the betterment of everyone. honest! for instance;

some guy : i dont know if u realize this, but u are a babe.... (his voice oozing with confidence or machoness or slickness or whatever it is)
wani : uh-huh.. *smiles sweetly*

the truth - uh-huh, sure. like im gonna trust a sweet talker like you.

some guy : i am never gonna hurt you...
wani : i know.

the truth - hm... i think so. or i dont. argh. let's just wait n see.

some guy or girl : (after ive done a favor for him/her) thanks a lot!! i'll buy you lunch later ok!
wani : yeah.

the truth - yeah right. u will buy me lunch in an altered universe.

some guy : you take care yea. i still care about you, you know.
wani : yea, you take care too.

the truth - i dont care about you and i dont think you do either, coz if u really have cared about me then why do you hurt me in the first place damnit! *fuh. getting emo*

friend : i think you are prettier than her.
wani : really? no la, she's much prettier, and more fashionable of course. *acting humble because humble is my middle name :P*

the truth - hah! i am prettier than her! it does wonders for my self esteem, thank you friend... kikiki

so u see, im not really a trusting kind of person, but there are also some people that i take their words for. it really depends on how are my perception towards some people whether they have lied to me, or said empty promises and such. and there are times when i hide what i really feel coz i certainly dont want people to think im shallow or crazy or anything else that is just as bad. kan22222 :)

thats all. its just a random thing that ive think about. :P :P

k byebyebyebye...

Dan

Dan...
Bila esok datang kembali
Seperti sedia kala dimana kau bisa bercanda
Dan...
Perlahan kaupun, lupakan aku
Mimpi burukmu
Dimana t'lah kutancapkan duri tajam
Kaupun menangis, menangis sedih
Maafkan aku...

Dan...
Bukan maksudku, bukan inginku
Melukaimu sadarkah kau di sini 'kupun terluka
Melupakanmu, menepikanmu
Maafkan aku

Lupakanlah saja diriku
Bila itu bisa membuatmu kembali bersinar
Dan berpijar seperti dulu kala

Caci maki saja diriku
Bila itu bisa membuatmu kembali bersinar
Dan berpijar seperti dulu kala

beach, melody, n... pee?

went to the beach the other day. so here are some picciessssss

the stinged-by-jellyfish incident. unfortunately, i was too stunned at that time to take pictures of the doctoring process. hahah



sayang after changing into clean clothes. penat bermandi manda

apparently, u can cure the jellyfish sting by peeing on it! no kidding. u can figure out what they did to help our poor friend in the 2nd picture. i didnt take a bath at the sea, and so do my other two girl friends while the others enjoyed themselves thoroughly playing in the waves.

seeing sayang with his friends made me realize that the kind of happiness that he had is totally different than the times when we're together, and it was when i understand why he enjoyed spending time with his friends as much as him with me.

this was one of the time that we get to see the boys half naked tho. :P ok, i am not a pervert if that's what u think! ..went to mcd after, and slept through the rest of the day.

haha thats it for our picnic trip last sunday!

k byeeeeeeee

hah!

well, waddya know, im done with my second paper already. its only been one third of the exam weeks but i already feel like its been for ages. i feel like having some ranting but gotta do some revisions nonetheless so im cutting it short :

• the next paper is on monday, and this time i feel totally unprepared. remember the sinking and drowning feeling that i got for a test some time ago? yes, that is exactly how i feel now too except that its much worse bcoz i feel like my feet is tied to something heavy and im going down2 and i cant do anything about it except to struggle which; i know, will be pointless. this subject is killing all of us, im not kidding, its more horrible than the epidemic only one did not fail a particular subject last 2 sem (in other words, almost everyone in the class failed the subject. but luckily the distribution thing is changed or something so that not many got an F on their result slip compared to before) but that was the lecturer's fault, this time it is the REAL DEAL. this is not only the core subject for civil engineering but it is HARDCORE. okay, i know im exaggerating but what the hell
• bfriend is sick for a few days now and it makes me sad to see him in pain (physically), because usually he is the stronger one and he always take care of me but this time it wud be my turn to take care of him. get well soon sayang!
  
• i feel sick too, coz i dont have my nasal spray with me, this flu im having is really bugging me, u see, i still cant live without meds. not that im addicted to flu pills anymore. but if i have flu it means that i have to take flu pills and it really affects my mood most of the time. flu pills make me feel cranky.

so better start on the revision byebye

why why why

im done!!!!!!!!!!..... with my first paper only. haha. lek lok. lom abis gk.

managed to answer only 70% and i figured out that if it took me 4 days to study one subject and only can answer 70% of the questions so i have to study one or two days more which will take me 6 days maximum so one week of study leave is certainly not enough kan :P

and to explain my abscence for these few days... is the lack of internet connection. uh, busy studying? i was never a person who gets busy by studying, and i will never be. even if my life a depends on it. unless, of course, if someone else's life depends on it, say someone i love, i would.. ok im starting to talk nonsense again.

back to the main point. how does utp be one of the top unis in Msia (having first class facilities and all) when they dont even have a decent internet connection? tell me how! i (am intending to) demand an explanation here please. i can still live with no internet for a few days, but it started to bug me when i need to update blog but i cant.

anyway, the things that kept me amused for these few days;

..were talking something about paying through the internet
alin : paypal.. blablabla.. pay this.. pay that.. such a waste of money!
wani : what's paypal? is it a pal that pays everything for you? hehe...
alin : no.. its how u make the payment thru the internet... cis!! stop taking the meaning of words literally!!
wani : :P

(Godddd i just love to act all innocent and to annoy her :D )

.. of course la i know what paypal is! haha.

.. and bitch about life, of course.

alin : blablabla... yeah, life's fuck.
wani : life fucks who?
alin : well, us obviously. there's no one else.
wani : this fucking is certainly not making me feel any good.

..and friends' comments in this blog that surely make my day every single time~

ive watched the coffin and james bond; and i gave 1 star for the coffin (boohoo! xbest gilak) and 3 stars mayb? ..for james bond. since i never watched any other james bond movies before. oh, who am i to judge. :P

tired already. toodles!

all you wanted

i woke up in the morning expecting to have to endure some pain in my bad foot but surprisingly there was.... none. oh good, it seems like my healing system is really fast then i happily unwrap the bandage and went to toilet (i can almost walk normally, i tell u)

then a few minutes later, the pain slowly creeps in.. i knewwwww it was too good to be true!! huhu. come to think of it, its pretty much how reality sounds; you wake up in the morning, not remembering anything then reality hits you in the head announcing its arrival just a few minutes late. huh!!!

i suddenly miss home. i bet mother can just kiss the pain away. thats how great mother is. :P ok im lying but it will feel pretty much the same bcoz.. well, bcoz she's my mother la.

k bye.

tak kisah

mereka kata ku gile,
lagilah aku suke,
otak ku geliga,
fikiran luar biase,
mereka kata ku samseng,
tapi ku xambil pusing,
pedulikan semua,
fikir ape yg penting!

mcm penah je aku letak lirik ni.

oh semalam aku sangatlah malang. knape? sbb nye pagi semalam (5 nov, 0730) kaki aku terseliuh masa turun tangga. bukan main sakit lagi, sakitnye aku ngn Tuhan je tau. aku mampu nangis je. sekarang aku dah jadi mcm org cacat, jadi tempang. bukanla aku nak mengutuk org2 cacat. no offense tho. kita semua cacat in a way kan. at least, itu ape yg aku percaya. kalau korg nak deny, aku xkisah. xde kaitan dgn aku.

gambar? ye, aku mmg dah ambik gamba kaki aku sbenanye. tapi bila aku fikir2 balik, xpayah je aku post gamba kaki aku yg bengkak dan masih bdarah lagi bwh kulit dia, nanti ade yang muntah. bila aku fikir lagi utk kali ke3, mungkin aku xkisah org nak muntah ke ape bila tengok gamba tu tapi perasaan malas tu dah ade, pandai2 la korg fikir sendiri. dah penat pulak aku fikir.

kalau boleh mmg aku xnak gerak langsung dari katil, satu hari baring aje biar org belikan mknn kalau aku lapa n sume. tapi seumur hidup aku, aku dah blaja utk jarang begantung dgn org sgt especially kwn2 aku, skt mcm mana skali pon, aku kene gak bdiri sendiri (like, literally). sbb tu bila dgn boyfriend aku jadi manja, semua benda nak bgantung dgn dia. tapi dia xphm tu. xape. aku xkisah, wpun ade kaitan ngn aku.

kaki aku dah ok sikit (6 nov, 0254) wpun masih dlm bandage. tapi skrg hati pulak sakit. kalau kaki terseliuh kita boleh letak ais utk redakan sakit, agaknye boleh x kalau letak ais kat dada bila hati kita sakit? rasanya xkot. dan aku xkan cuba teori tu, sbb aku bkn bodoh. tapi ade je org kata aku bodoh ke gile ke ape ke, blkg aku. xpe. aku xkisah. dosa dorg sendiri tanggung, xde kaitan dgn aku.

aku sdr, setiap kali aku post entry dalam bahasa melayu mesti ade org akan ejek punya. sbbnye selama tiga tahun aku menulis blog xpernah aku tulis entry dlm bm. mungkin aku xnak mengaku english aku makin teruk, setiap kali nak tulis something dlm english utk express something rase mcm makin byk sel neuron dalam otak kene kerje berbanding time aku foundation dulu. speaking english pun xbtol dah. tapi skrg xde bende yg memerlukan aku ckp english sgt so buat masa skrg aku xkisah, wpun satu masa nanti aku kene improve balik english aku ni.

and korg sedar tak, lelaki selalu kata benda mcm i wont ever leave you alone, aku rela mati dari buat kau nangis, u are my everything, and mcm2 lagi. tapi selama aku hidup ni (ok, aku tipu mayb after aziz) aku xpernah percaya 100% ape yg dckpkan tu. sbbnye, aku dah pnh lalui dan aku percaya mesti kwn2 perempuan aku pun byk jugak yg pnh lalui situasi mcm ni. so aku hrp pasni mana2 lelaki yg rase korg akan ckp mcm tu kat mana2 prmp, fikir dua tiga kali lagi sbb kalau prmp dah percaya ckp korg tu tapi last2 xjd mcm tu dia mayb xkan bgtau tapi dia akan ingat sampai bila2. aku? aku xkisah dah sbb dah lali sgt dgn perkara mcm ni.

oh dan disini aku nak bgtau kat sape2 yg mungkin xfaham lagi; ini blog aku dan aku boleh tulis ape2 je dlm blog ni asalkan aku xmelibatkan ape2 yg bkaitan dgn politik (xnak ade kaitan pun dgn politik) or ape2 isu sensitif negara skrg. so sapa2 yg baca ni, nak komen buruk2 baik simpan je pastu xyah dtg blog aku lagi sbb membuang masa korg je kan better korg pg garu bontot sendiri or something. and aku sepatutnya xkisah org nak fikir ape setiap kali aku post entry dlm blog ni. ye, aku akan buat mcm tu mulai dari saat ini.

!!!!!

exam is... only one week away!!!

exam is one of the things that makes my heart beats faster and aches, not able to sleep peacefully, and sometimes short of breath just thinking about it. lets hope i dont hyperventilate in the exam hall later eh? :P

pretense

just came back from shah alam last night.

no one warned about how i will feel emotionally drained and battered a few hours later. the thing that is not supposed to happen, happened, again, for the 2nd time. it hurts so much and i dont even know how to express it in the first place :( this is so not me

GAHHH!! get me out of here please!

bila rasaku ini rasamu

cute aint it? i think this picture represents me. haha. :) unfortunately, from what i heard, boys find it suffocating to be loved unconditionally :(

i heard that a friend of a friend had recently died because of lung cancer. i didnt know her but i feel sad all the same knowing that the girl died at a young age (she's 20). she was a student from mrsm langkawi and from what i read in her blog (im not stalking her) she had so much ahead of her and she was so brave to handle her sickness and believed that she will get well, but Allah loves her more..all of this makes me feel silly because seeing a person like her didnt immediately crawl under her blanket and spend her last living moment under the blanket crying (if it wouldve been me i would do that :P) while here i am getting depressed over nothing. sigh. and she just suffered for a short period of time because she was only diagnosed for the cancer earlier this year.

...it makes me wonder, how are her parents feeling right now, losing their only child (again, no, im not stalking her, just call me curious, there's just something about reading a dead person's blog) and her besties, imagine how they are feeling right now.. so sad wawawa.. i cant even imagine the possibilities of losing my loved ones, it hurts you know.

and it made me realize that i have to treasure my life more, appreciate the surroundings more, and remember Allah always. and also appreciate my loved ones more. teehee :)

btw, i found this from a friend's blog and tried the quiz and it turned out that im a hulk! fuh. no wonder i turned into quite a monster when im angry. maybe bcoz i answered yes for the question "do you get angry easily?".

Your results:
You are Hulk

Hulk 60% Superman 55% Spider-Man 55% Supergirl 50% Robin 50% The Flash 50% Green Lantern 45% Wonder Woman 40% Catwoman 40% Iron Man 40% Batman 30%

You are a wanderer with amazing strength.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

okay.. ive a confession to make;

to be honest, ive started wearing tudung full time during the fasting month. its something that i didnt mention to people or in blog up until now. all of my friends in utp were glad of the good change but i dont know why, i feel ashamed to show up in front of my friends in Kuching after i wear tudung, its not like before this i was not wearing tudung its just that i dont wear tudung consistently. i was afraid that they would mock me for wearing tudung... (which explains why i have not uploaded any of my raya piccies) and my assumptions are true, u see, a friend posted a comment in my facebook and obviously by the tone of it he was mocking me. there's even a srwkian friend in utp said "since when u wear tudung huh?" hu :( (this is what i was trying to tell you dena, but i dont know how)

and and and by wearing tudung i feel like i dont fit with the others (friends in Kuching) and i feel less pretty because i dont know how to dress stylishly, see, and when i wear tudung my clothes are restricted to jeans and shirts only and sometimes blouses if i have the effort to be in uncomfortable blouses for hours and hours :( i know it has nothing to do with me wearing tudung... but but.. its been quite a while that ive been feeling like this, im such a bum, am i? :P not to mention that i dont feel comfortable wearing tudung bcoz i feel less carefree cannot be much of a tomboy, have to act like a lady etc etc. but when i wear tudung, it makes my loved ones happy and also about the religion thing, teehee and thats what really matters :)

but im still afraid to meet my friends later on..... huk2

you must be thinking, silly girl to think of such things, or she thinks too much la. huhuhuhu but how am i supposed to do? aaaa......

and takut bah when i remembered the girl with the lung cancer coz it reminds me that we can die anytime. i just dont wanna die yet.... i havent done enough deeds and i have so many sins that im sure i'll be placed in the 7th ring of hell if i die now. huhuhu~~~

omg, its 235 am already (blogspot clock is set wrongly), enough with the craps and i need to get some sleep. so; nite peeps!

dont let it burn, dont let it fade

you know im such a fool for you
you got me wrapped around your fingers
do you have to let it linger?

his smell is so addictive and everytime i smell a whiff of his shirt or his hair i melt like like like.. i dunno...... but thats not the point. the point is, we often had a fight and the same thing happened over and over again and when he said he's sorry i realized that i deep in my heart i know it wont be the last time. SIGH!!!!!!

life is so hectic right now i can barely take a break and stop to look around at what really matters.

and our Transportation lecturer is certainly out of his mind because he gave us 4 assignments and a lab report (all in one day) to be submitted within these 2 weeks.

sometimes i feel like i dont have enough air to breathe and i have to inhale deeper just so that i wont feel suffocated (literally). mayb all those feelings that ive kept by myself has moved to my nostrils blocking my nose (what the hell? haha)

honestly, im not fine and i dont think i will be for these few days. an apology or just seeing him or touching his face or sleep for the whole day or eat as much as i want just dont cut it anymore.

okla bye.

**updated : apparentlyyyy ALL of our lecturers are out of their mind because they seem to have the idea that there are 30 days next week so they gave us assignments, tests, and projects all to be submitted or done by next week. HOW FUN IS IT EH?!!!

nyee

cheating in test? kids nowadays.... tsk tsk tsk :P

tell me its not true

when i applied for utp no one warned me about how i will be having lack of sleep (ok, mayb this is not really true), how 24 hours a day is not enough, and how i will have no life at all.

it doesnt matter

things had been fine lately, except when there were times when i feel like someone else is making me happy more than boyfriend but thats not the point i was just being selfish and unfair thats all. teehee

i realized that ive been thinking too much. about anything, everything. thats why ive been kinda dramatic sometimes.... okla... emo la however u put it. the problem is i cant stop it. the thinking, i mean. i think of stuffs before i went to sleep, when im in the toilet, in class when i cant concentrate or when i walk alone, or whenever there is time to think. its good when you think about how to concentrate on your studies, or how to make your parents happy, or your boyfriend happy, but mine is the opposite. i think about why cant i be cleverer than i am now that im more hardworking than i was (i guess), why is a computer game so important to my boyfriend sometimes more important than me, how to save more money and eat less and about the scandals in the class (haha) and etc etc...

i think of mundane stuffs, the things that u shud not worry about coz there are bigger stuffs that i should be worried about but still that doesnt stop me from thinking. i had been thinking of taking lobotomy too, haha which is so ridiculous i know, but what else is there to stop this... disease? is this normal? or is it just me? or im just a paranoid girl with issues? more like mental issues i guess. hah.

whatever it is i feel like im on a rollercoaster ride, you know? i dont know how to elaborate it much further u figure out yourself.

oh about the test that i wrote about the other day? that night, i ended up closing the book with the same page that i opened earlier and went to sleep. the next day i went to the test totally unprepared, its like you are about to plunge into the deep sea with no safety jackets or whatsoever to save you but you cant do anything anymore now that you're about to jump already and you know you're about to die.........

well, the good thing is i didnt die in fact i was quite happy after the test despite the fact that im going to flunk it eventho the test was an open book test, the text book were not much of a help at all i felt like throwing the book to the floor and scream cibai!!!!!! but i know thats not going to help me get good grades so i just shut up and dealt with it anyhow.

and the reason i was not able to study for the test? i was thinking too much. (yeah, no wonder, i knowwww~~~~) i was like "work... too many workkkkk... which one should i start on first... so tired.. workkk... work..... so many work to doooo...." which made me do nothing at all.

so if anyone of you know how not to think too much for example, drink ginger ale ka, eat kfc ka, tell me. if ever it works i'll be so grateful :D

sepi

currently playing : yuni shara - sepi
current mood : full stomach, lazy

no, the title has nothing to do with what im feeling right now.

and i miss my friends, i miss dena and i miss nora, and i miss atul, and come to think of it, i want to hate atul too because she changed her mobile number and didnt even tell me and i cant contact her in any way because i guess the whole family changed their goddamn mobile numbers too (i know, because i tried to call her father too)

i know i should study my ass off (ha haaa.. what kind of phrase is that??) bcause of the incoming test tomorrow but here i am updating with the revision book under my ankles with the same page opened for the last 30 minutes, how fun is it eh?

i watched the latest love movie by this Bahtia guy; Sepi and it was super sad (for Tony Eusoff and Baizura Kahar parts) and super cute (for Afdlin Shauki part)!! i cried a few times actually, while watching the movie, i was so touched..... *coughs* forgive me for being an emo person i cant help it bah. anyway, i suggest that u guys watch it too its a great movie, even better than Cinta.

talking about love, last two days i dreamt about boyfriend being dead and when i woke up it took me a while to digest what ive been dreaming then i burst into tears and i called him immediately just to make sure he's really okay and it's just a dream, it turns out that he is just watching cartoons and still breathing and alive (thank god) and it makes me quite paranoid for the whole day wanting to know what he was doing every minute every hour and whether he is safe. eventually by the end of the day the paranoia comes to an end when he tell me not to imagine horrid stuffs anymore and convinced me that he's fine. teehee, cant help it tho because i love him so much and oh, ignore the previous posts thats just me being emo because we had fights blablabla.

today i was very annoyed at some people because they were acting like i was still not over aziz. u see, aziz and a friend of ours are officially together for a few days already, and people have been asking me things like "goddd arent you jealous, wani?" "if i were you i would be jealous, seriouslyyyyyyy" "poor you..." or maybe some people dont say it that way but i know what they are thinking. they are thinking that im this pitiful ex who is not over her ex, and yet her ex has found someone new while leaving me to bite my fingers and cry a river..... yeah im so pitiful that here i am eating like a pig while watching heroes and looking fwd for the date with boyfriend tonight... god, i feel like screaming to their faces "fyi suckers, i have a boyfriend who i really love and oh what a surprise!! the boyfriend is not aziz!!" in a sarcastic tone of course. how i just love sarcasm :D

its been so long that ive post something about aziz and the last time is when i was still a fan of him. gla. but anyway, cheers to aziz and his girlfriend and may you guys live happily ever after!

blah, and now im exhausted with no mood to study still :|

:) :)

Selamat Hari Raya to all of my friends!!!! (if u can consider me your friend)

its pretty late for an Eid wish but people say its better late than never kan.

Maaf zahir and batin :)

there is something wrong...

when the one that often makes you happy and smile everyday is not your own boyfriend.

all i can do is try

to be frank, ive opened the editor to update the blog quite a number of times already, but ended up closing the browser everytime without updating anything. is this what they called the writer's block?

eid is near, (almost) everyone is excited to go back home, some even had gone home before the holiday starts. to me, its the same every year, same gathering (not that i mind), same food, same people.. ive been getting more and more messed up lately i dont even know what had been making me sad anymore. the hectic weeks are over for now, now that the holiday is starting, but the lecturers also dont miss the chance to give us as many assignments and homeworks as they can. i wonder if they know what's the meaning of holidays, or mayb these utp lecturers never really had holidays so no wonder la they give us piling assignments kan, tension jak!!!!!!!!!!! huh

i only drank a mug of cereal drink and glasses of warm water for sahur. getting lazier to prepare food for sahur by day. i remember when i was at home, i used to complain that i have no appetite to have sahur meals even if at that time mother had prepared fried chicken, some veggies, and a little bit more but i still didnt have the appetite to eat. but now that im here, i realized how i really miss mother's food and how i really should appreciate it when it was there right in front of me huhuhuhuhu :( whats that saying again? about people taking granted of what they have blablabla.... oh, you dont even know what you got until its gone. thats right

my flight to kuching is not until tomorrow, i have more than 24-hours to settle everything in utp before i go back home, and why am i not excited to go back home this time..? -_-"" eid this year is going to be a lot less fun, what with some friends not going back and the short holiday.

seriously..... i have no idea what else to write. bye

what we shouldnt be

please dont give me any reason to fall out of love with you

please dont let anyone else win over my heart

please

:)

He's a Keeper!

Your guy is a rare find: sweet, kind, and loyal. And as long as he doesn't have three nipples, You should seriously consider keeping him a long time Sometimes a girl can't see a good thing when she's got one So let me tell you: your guy is a gold medal boyfriend Just make sure you treat him right in return!

Is He a Keeper?

thats why i love my boyfriend so much lalalalala

taggity tag

tagged by syara.

Dream wedding.This is a survey about your dream wedding, whether it be in the next year or after ten years. So, please answer after you read, the person who answered this before you took a great deal of effort.

1. How old are you?
19

2. Are you single?
nonononono

3. In what age do you think you'll get married?
ask kamal.

4. Do you think you'll be marrying the person you are with now?
yea. i hope so.

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
James McAvoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. Do you want a garden/beach or a traditional wedding?
Traditional ya gne? hehe

7. Your ideal motive?
dunno la

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
em dunno.

9. How many guests do you think you'll invite?
relatives and friends of family? thats all lah. dunno how many. if my father's friends are taken into consideration it will be more than 100000000 hahahaha jk

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
simple. use terompah n all, baju kurung made of leaves. lol. no la, simple but dunno how simple

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you'd make up on your own?
traditional vows?

12. How many layers of cake do you want?
hm. 10? possible?

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or a simple place?
a big hall with air conditionings

14. When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
night can ka?

15. You'd rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Indoors.

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom?
no need la

17. Name the song/tune you'd like to play at your wedding.
selamat pengantin baru - by dunno-what-her-name

18. Are you a morning person or a night person?
neither. always sleepy. what does this got to do with my wedding?

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
dunno

20. What age do you want to get married?
ask kamal

21. Describe your ideal husband/wife.
kamal

22. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
sukati

23. Champagne or red wine?
neither

24. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
days after wedding

25. Money or household items?
either, or both is better kan :P

26. Who will pay for the bills?
share

27. Are you ready for married life?
no

28. Do you think you will still be a virgin until you get married?


29. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
insyaAllah

30. How many kids would you like to have?
i wud like to have 3, kamal wud like to have 5, so take the average, we shud have 4 mayb?

31. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
depends

32. Will you celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding or diamond wedding?
mayb? insyaAllah if i live long enough

33. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
chinese and malay

34. Will you record your honeymoon in a CD or DVD?
haha...... dunno

35. Whose wedding plans would you like to know next?

Anyone who wants to do ths

persoalannya kini,

sampai ble ku mampu bertahan
Mampukah ku bertahan?

Nampak ketara kah dilema diwajahku
Diluarnya tenang tapi tuhan saja tahu
Nampak ketara kah dilema diwajahku
Diluarnya tenang tapi tuhan saja tahu

Beginikah selalunya cinta
Diakhiri sengsara
Setelah dicurahkan semua
Cuba ku dalami
Sampai termimpi2
Namun apa yg ku jumpa
Semua nya sama

Nampak ketara kah dilema diwajahku
Diluarnya tenang tapi tuhan saja tahu
Ini semua dugaanNya

Hujan - DugaanNya

if i were to choose between loving someone unconditionally and not being able to love anyone else other than my family and friends, i would choose the latter.

so kawan2 yang single out there, why do you want to love if you know love will hurt you so much? u guys are better off being single, trust me, no need to find true love.... coz there aint no true love.

once u fell in love you better be prepared for the pain ok!! dont tell me i dont warn you!!

anyway, i finally get to drink iced lychee!!!!!!!!!! (thought of eating ABC too, and ice creams... but probably thats too much) sedap, but i have to get ready for my tonsils to be swollen again this time (and no whining) teeheeeeee

p/s : good luck to my chubby little sister for her UPSR examination tomoro.

untuk dia (dan untuk aku)

masa mengejar kita... atau kita mengejar masa?

hari ni lab start pukul 8 pagi, bila bangun pagi tengok jam dah 847 pagi. wtffffFFF!! detik ku dalam hati, nak xnak terpaksa turun ke lab sebab lab structural analysis ni xdpt dganti dgn lab lain. aku ambik masa 5 minit je utk bekemas (xmandi pun), angkat bag yang sedia terisi dgn brg (tapi kebanyakan brg yg xbekenaan; coklat tofiluk, bekas tisu, kepingan pembaris yang dah patah).

oh ye, sebab aku lambat bangun? tido pukul 5.... ohhhh thats whyyy..... gara2 test transportation engineering pukul 10 pagi aku gagah kan diri menahan ngantuk satu malam, study study study sampai nak gle. ble dah rasa hampir nak gle tu, aku stop sekejap beli makanan utk besahur. ade niat nak sambung study after tu tapi telinga aku dah mendengar bunyi2 pelik (org laki tgh borak) padahal dlm bilik tu ade aku dan roommate aku je. so, aku baring tutup telinga dgn bantal busuk, xtau macam mane boleh tetdo.

pagi tu kelam kabut sebab lambat sejam ke lab dan test tu pun (agak) senang.... senang nak goreng. tapi aku sebenanya dah bersedia untuk bedepan dengan worst case scenario yang mungkin akan terjadi (dimane aku xdpt jwb langsung test tu, boleh tulis nama dan salin soalan je), tapi Alhamdulillah maybe sebab aku (agak) betungkus lumus belajar semalam, dapat la juge jawab sikit2. at least, dpt la 50% daripada full mark (masih berdoa untuk full mark sebenanya).

kadang2 terdetik juga rasa bosan dengan keadaan mcm ni (kene belajar, risau pasal carry marks, risau pasal duit, risau pasal segalanya). kadang2 rasa nak tido je sepanjang hari, biar aku xdapat fikir or risau. mcm mane nak hidup happy ni; ble bangun pagi je, takut lambat pegi kls; nak tdo awal sebab ade kelas pukul 8 esoknya, rasa bersalah (sebab assignment masih banyak xsiap ni!); ble xtido awal, takut xcukup tido sebab kene bangun awal esoknye; ble blanje banyak sikit dah kene kire secara kasar berapa lagi duit tinggal dalam akaun; dan mcm2 lagi la! mungkin aku yang terlalu banyak pikir psl semua ni. mungking juga, tapi kalau xdipikir benda2 ni alamatnya, dunia (aku je) akan kiamat. kan

dan kadang2 terdetik juga rasa bosan sebab asyik sakit je, sakit datang satu2 lepas sakit ni, sakit tu, lepas sakit tu, sakit ni, pendek kata banyak lah sakit yang datang menyerang aku! hidup aku penuh dengan ubat-ubatan sampai kencing pun dah bau ubat (kalau xpercaya meh cni datang sendiri tengok or cium; yaks). rindu nak minum air ais, air sejuk, or makan aiskrim (sebab tonsil dalam tekak aku ni xkasi aku minum and makan bende sejuk!!)

dan kadang2 terdetik juga rasa bosan dengan keadaan kami mcm ni (aku dan boyfriend). salah sapa sebenanya? salah dia, salah aku? aku pun xtau, yang pasti nya sebab dah terlalu banyak pikir psl benda lain, aku xnak pikir sangat pasal kami. tapi bila pikir2 balik (pikir lagi) susah nak sembunyikan rasa sepi ni dari dia. aku xtau nak jwb ape. ape2 je lah.

esok ada test lagi. kene belajar sampai hampir nak gle lagi. kene stay up lagi mlm ni.

aku penat tau tak!!!!!!!!!!!!

(first time tulis post dalam bhs melayu)

happy to be here nonetheless

its the 4th day of ramadhan.

anyway, Happy Fasting everyone~

so far, fasting is fine for me despite for the gastric that i have and despite the fact that i have this principle (principal? heck) of eating every 2 hours else my stomach will grumble like mad, and people will think im farting or something which had happened twice this semester and is really embarassing. >_<

but for the past few days, my stomach didnt bother me much at all. ah, the blessings of the month of Ramadhan :)

today's sahur is really niceeeee!! i boiled broccoli, heated tinned beef curry and cooked some rice... (rajin buat sahur). i have to have my sahur every morning lor else, i cant take my meds (not sleeping pills aaa, mind u) and i will be very hungry and moody for the rest of the 13 hours fasting. grrr

i have been awake for more than 12 hours already, stayed up until its time for sahur just to finish the piling asgments (which i failed to do so). and i have an 8am class tomoro which im sure have to skip else i'll be having only 2 hours of sleep :(

its kinda hard to manage my time here, since all i do is worrying about asgments, tests (and sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep and more sleep), but i didnt actually do the asgments until it was until last minute. ah, typical student, ey?

oh lookie, its me in my graduation suit!! i like this picture. hik3~~
yeah, well its not my graduation yet, borrowed the suit from nizam, but probably this is how i look like in 2-3 years time (probably better if wear tudung kan) hehe

(anyway the labels for the posts are random)