tak seindah mimpi

something's wrong with my blog but i cant be bothered about it.

anyway.

name 10 person to do this survey.
answer this survey honestly.

i will, *cross fingers*

1 ) Are you allowed to have a bf/gf?

- eh.. i guess

2 ) Describe urself in one word

- unappropriately loud oops already 2 words

3 ) Who would you pick, someone who really loves you, or the one you love?

- someone who really loves me!!! for sure

4 ) Have you ever really liked someone BEFORE but never had the courage to tell him/her?

- yeahhh... thought he wud never like me back so i didnt tell him then i gave up on him then later on i found out that he liked me too haha..

5 ) Does it feel good to love?~

- yeah (:

6 ) God is giving u just 5 more minutes to live, IF you love someone special what will you say to that person?

- dont you dare to go find anyone else!!! i love you so much u have no idea how much!! ok then goodbye

7 ) What will you say to someone who doesn't want to believe you??

- say nothing at all, why waste my energy talking?

8 ) Was ever a time that you tried to learn to love someone?

- yeah. failed for the first time tho

9 ) What's your opinion about someone who's jealous?

- hehe. normal (terasaaaa)

10 ) What can you say about playboys/playgirls?

- what goes around comes around la


THE - Part 2


1 ) Best place to cry?

- his shoulder, or on my bantal busuk

2 ) Who do you love the most?

-family and friends

3 ) Tell us ur dream las night?

-i was kidnapped. got lots of nitemares lately

4) Ever hated someone so bad?

-yes. tried not to, cant be helped tho

5 ) The biggest & most hurtful lie you heard?

-hm, pa oh. dunno.


THE - last person


1) had a beer with?
-

2)went to the movies with?
-nora n sepul

3)talked on the cell phone with?
-sayang

4) u hugged?
-sayang

5) u yelled at?
-a friend


in the last week have YOU


1) Kissed sumone?
-

2)Sing/sung/song?
-yes

3)Danced crazy?
-no


1)think of the last time u were angry, why were u angry?
-i waited for sayang to have dinner together, but after i waited for 3 hours, he said he's gonna have dinner with his friends and have a meeting after that, at that point i was very hungry and sleepy and tired and i said to him why didnt he tell me earlier then i dont have to wait for him for so long just so that we can have dinner together, then before i know it, he's already waiting for me to have dinner together, and he bought secret recipe's walnut brownies for me and came to his meeting late just so that he can be with me... sigh. felt guilty for being mad at him after that


2)You will die in 3 mins. Last call?
-semayang. a lot.

3)If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
-to have my parents free from any worries, senang hati, bahagia and all

4)Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
-yeah, kinda silly come to think of it

5)Are you old fashioned?
-no

6) What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
-the latter

7)What things would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
-so many lol. (food, bantal busuk, family n friends, sayang, my studies, pills)

updated :
im tagging everyone on my link panel there. d:

pretty much the same

In my 19 years of living, ive learnt that there are many types of people. We cant exactly categorize them coz each individual are different. But this is what i came up with (only roughly) :

1. Blissful, ignorant people who can lie to themselves and everyone that everything is perfect in every way and there's nothing to worry about. This people are kinda selfish, with their empty head they can cause trouble for other people too and still think that it doesnt matter. But not many can be like these type of people coz it took guts to ignore important things in ur life that may decide ur future.

2. People who are devoted to their work or their studies and think of nothing else. Some decided to join this category because they think it is easy to deal with the tasks they were given rather than dealing with the problems of life. These people too; tend to lie to themselves that everything is fine as long as they dont think about it. The chances that if pushing themselves to the limit do not work, they'll find some other way to numb the pain out; take medications for instance. Everything is solved with pills. Which probably will have dysfucntional kidneys or have some kind of disease by the time they're 30 because of the overdosed meds. Enough said.

3. People who think and worry too much about everything that they practically start their day with lots of worries about who, when, why, what, everything and end the day the same way. They live throughout the day worrying about how other people think of them, are they dressed perfectly, or have they done their work according to deadline, or what they should eat, how much calories they burn off by jogging (insert number) miles today, how much money left in their bank account, whether their boyfriends/girlfriends are cheating on them, whether their friends still remember about them. From big matters to small matters. Practically everything.

4. Happy positive people that everything in their life is in place except for small matters that; oh i can solve this no problem! or small matter only it doesnt matter sure there's a way to get thru this! These people are very lucky, oh yes they do.

I guess im the 2nd type and a little bit of the 3rd. Ngee.

So which one are u?

counting the days

lesson learnt for today (or not):

1. jpj people is much nicer than policemen and u can almost ignore the fact that they gave u a rm300 compound ticket for not having a driving licence because of their niceness.

2. i will drive again no matter what jpj people say. my parents got no objections to it d:

3. never do your packing until last minute haha

4. thats all i guess.

byebye kuching.

ooh really

a few things to catch up;

-im not over the fact that im not as thin as before.

-i can barely fit into a size 4 jeans but bought a pair yesterday nonetheless.

-i want to be a size 4!!!

-going back to utp next week, cant wait!! excited gla!! seriously, i hope i dont hyperventilate in the flight because of excessive happiness.

-not that im happy to leave my family and friends in kch, but im getting bored already.

-i had dinner at a pizza parlour last night; alone, which felt quite pathetic and im never going to do that again.

-oh, and after dinner i went to parkson and its not even friggin 15 mins since i came that i purchased something.

-which makes me wonder, what's up with women and clothes? (and shoes... bags... perfumes... make ups... jewelleries...)

-mom and dad is out of town so it leaves us siblings alone in the house, which means partayyyyy! ok, im kidding, asking my 8 years old brother to strip off and belly dance would be enough. he's good at that trust me.

-tried to cal atul, but i cant reach her number, whats up with that?

-cant wait to see him! (:

.

shitty day. shitty kuching drivers. fuck them all

its not over yet

i usually dont like my own pictures but this one is kinda nice. credits to the photographer, pyah :D

had fun at Damai last weekend tho i only joined my friends the second day, been so long since i hang out with any of them that i realized that none of us had actually changed (except, maybe physically coz some of the boys had grown a tad cuter). more pictures here.

nothing much going on lately. i think last week is the most eventful week of my holidays. gosh, how boring. bila aku nak shopping tok.

im thinking of taking a holiday from my life. is that even possible? what if i want to have a holiday from my life forever. or sleep forever and never wake up. fuh, crazy thoughts are surfacing again. sometimes i wonder if i really am crazy. but crazy people dont admit themselves crazy. but i talk to myself sometimes, crazy people did it a lot. but crazy people dont drive. talk about driving, slow drivers driving on the right lane always piss me off. they make me feel like ramming into the butt of their car bcoz of their slowness, heck, some even drive 20kmh only!

i think driving alone is enough for me to swear more than a hundred times. byk dosa dah.

u know, when im alone at night and need someone to talk to, i scrolled thru the phonebook several times ending up in disappointment bcoz i cant find anyone to call. its funny that people are always saying, u're lucky u are so friendly and have many friends, but they didnt know the truth.

sometimes i need a cig badly and i only feel that when im really stressed but i know once i start again i wont be able to stop.

and i need my buddies badly.

and i know i need to stop when i intended to write a happy post but came out with a post full of whines.

if only you could see

"i feel so lonely sometimes"

"i want to make you feel better if i can, but i cant do anything while im away"

"i know"

she didnt tell him that she feels the loneliest when he is there but she feels like he is not all the same

as difficult as it sounds

funny how nowadays you get to eat ice cream for your breakfast when you're not allowed to when you're a kid. i used to be one where i kinda liked the idea of being a grown up and have control of almost everything in your life; sheesh how wrong i was.

now, being a grown up means you have to wake up knowing that you have these responsibilities that you just cant shirk off and having to decide for yourself and sometimes for other people too which may lead to disasters and having to worry about your body figure or how big are your chests or how much excess fat you have or how much money you have left in the bank account and wondering what exactly do you live for.

when i was a kid, i wanted to be a doctor or an engineer, or even enter a beauty peagent where i can sure win and be miss world 201(insert number here). now, i dont have the idea of what i want to be let alone to figure out who i really am......miss world indeed...... hahahah.

people always say that being a kid or a teenager always get you wound up in some kind of trouble and its because of their immaturity or that they can't think for themselves yet. but i dont think that grown ups have less troubles than those kids, its just that sometimes they solve it the easy way -running away from the reality.

yala, dont deny la you know it is true.

anyway, i guess i wont be complaining much about being a grown up as long as i can have ice creams every morning....

--

1.You're really upset; who is the first boy you went to?

- Kamal

2.If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?

- No. I wont want any awkwardness surfacing.

3.Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?

- Yeah.

4.Can you do a split?

- Hahah.... Dont ask.

5.Last person you texted?

- Sherip.

6.Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?

- Night

7.Have you been to New York City?

- No

8.Who is the last person you added to your contacts list in your phone?

- One of my father's employees

9.Do you have any expensive jewelry?

- No

10.Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

- Father

11.Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

- Yeah

12.Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?

- I guess, teehee

13.Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?

- Tadika Sedidik or is it Tadika Pedas? hahah

14.Have you ever tattooed anyone's name on you?

- Haha no.

15.Why is your number one on Friendster number one?

- Dont have a fs account

16.How many piercings do you have?

- Three

17.Which year has been the best so far?

- 2005, 2008 :)

18.Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?

- Yes.

19.Has anyone ever been more important to you than a family member?

- Em, no i guess

20.Last time you laughed really hard?

- Last night

21.Last text message in your inbox?

- Twitter

22.When is your next road trip?

- Em dunno yet

23.Do you know anyone addicted to any type of drugs?

- Yeah

25.Where is your phone?

- On this table

26.Do you know anyone by the name of Dennis?

- No

27.Where is your pet(s) right now?

- Dont have any pets

28.What type, colour phone do you have?

- White? Yg buruk mpun haha

29.What kind of phone do you have?

- Nokia

30.How many kids do you want to have?

- Ask Kamal

31.What color are your eyes?

- Dark dark brown.

32.What is the natural color of your hair?

- Black.

33.What are you doing tomorrow?

- Jogging.

34.Does a heartbreak feel as bad as it sounds?

- I guess so

35.What color is your hair?

- Black

36.Have you eaten popcorn in the past 48 hours?

- No.

37.What movie did you watch last time?

- Eh, dont remember hahah short term memory sorry lorr

38.Have you ever been in handcuffs?

- No.

39.Have you ever been to a strip club?

- No.

40.Have you ever been so drunk you couldn't remember the night?

- No.

41.If you could say anything to any one person, what would it be?

- Rindu..

42.Describe your life in one word

- Busy!!!!

remind me why i need to breathe

mayb if i pretend everything is fine, everything will be fine for real. or mayb if i dont think about it much, i can pretend it never happened and i was never hurt so bad. mayb if i just keep it to myself, things wont get worse.

despite all of that, comments from my friends really made my day! and made me miss them more! even atul is not here! get ur asses back here already ok! i'll be waiting
:)

truth or dare?

i saw my father asleep in the ward just now. ive never seen him looking so fragile... i hope everything is going to be fine

the definition of life

simpang mangayau, kudat

last two nights i dreamt about my boyfriend leaving me and last night i dreamt about my friends back in my high school had forgotten about me.. i woke up with such horror that i cant stop thinking about everyone is really forgetting me and not remembering who is wani anymore.

i realized that one of the things that i scared the most is to be forgotten. being wani (duhh); i always push the thoughts aside and never failed to do that until i had those dreams. urgh. call it whatever u want, nightmares or anything i dont want to think about it anymore.

there's also one thing that i realized (a long time ago but managed not to think about it most of the times) is that im being pretty selfish right from the beginning. i only reply friends' messages or answer calls whenever i feel like it which is seldom to start with. and i deleted my friendster or whatever-ter account 2 years ago and ive lost contact with almost everyone. there's no one else to point fingers to but myself.

i guess i owe a few people some apologies (especially to you, faiz)

wew. thats weird. i dont usually admit my mistakes this easily. i guess the dreams really freaked me out.

one thing i dont like when i got back to kuching is i'll miss everyone more not to mention not seeing sayang. especially when my friends are not here in kuching.

and oh, ive figured out how to use facebook already. hahah

BOOHOO

just came back from sabah. will update more later. muah

trust issues

i dont get it why my father wont allow me to drive his car. its an mpv so u can guess the size of the car and i understand his worries about me driving a big car. i was a bit disappointed this morning as there was some emergency and i volunteered myself to drive the car but he asked my uncle instead. i mean, ive proven that im responsible enough, being his eldest daughter but i still cant get it. but honestly ive driven the car for more than a couple of times already and i handled it well, on top of that i never did anything to gain his mistrust or anything ive never even been in an accident some more, so why does he have to practically ban me from the steering wheel? ...apart from the fact that i dont have my licence yet. urgh, does it matter? driving licence is just a piece of laminated paper, it wont guarantee ur driving skills. you hv to agree me on this, because it seems like im the only one who doesnt have a driving licence yet. grrr....

one more thing that bugs me is these images of my boyfriend going out with another girl and kissing her and touching her and.... dont get me started. this images keep popping in my head i cant stop it and i have the feeling that sayang doesnt want to reply my sms, tho he replied it most of the times but reluctantly i guess. i just might as well tell him and get this worries over with but i dont dare to ask him for fear that he might think that im doubting him which is true, right? i mean whats up with that, he never did anything wrong that makes me doubt him but the little insecure feeling grew to a paranoia since i arrived at kuching. and his reluctance of replying my sms and answering my cal makes me feel like my theory is true than ever T_T

and since sayang has so many girl friends... T_T

and he's lonely, now that im not there.. T_T

surely he needs female companion..

and go out with one of his girl friend...

and the innocent hanging out becomes something more... T_T

what if he leaves me for the girl... T_T

im getting far already..

now, u see what i mean by being paranoid???

and to think that im going to be farther away than him tomorrow because i going to sabah to attend my cousin's wedding. its ironic, bcoz her ex is going to get married in kedah on the exact same day. i wonder if they did it on purpose. hah.

im tired. like literally tired. its not even the 5th day in kuching and yet im off to sabah.

*double sigh*

truth hurts

i ran out of pictures to post.

a few things bfore i jump on the plane to go back to my hometown :

• ive got less than 12 hours to clean up all the mess at my place and pack -make it, less than 6 hours.
• ive finally did the unthinkable thing that i thought i wud never do; made an account at facebook, they say its the 'in' thing now so i wanna see how 'in' is the thing to me, so far i still havent figured out how to use it, oh i know eventually i'll get bored with it and delete my account.
• i feel like half of my wardrobe is not mine anymore or i accidentally exchanged them with someone with a smaller size or mayb its bcoz my body is getting wider or larger. ok la FAT laaaaa. seriously bah, mcm xcayak but it is happening
  
• oh, the reason that i havent done any packing yet -went for a midnite movie with classmates
• actually, i am heading home... reluctantly. every step
• bcoz u know, im gonna be far away from sayang for max 2 months and i know im gonna miss him so much waaa!!! freaking out dy.
• oh and u know what, my english is terrible lately, dunno what has happened
• a part of me dont wanna leave but the other part is urging me to go back coz i miss home too
• the excruciating, painful, full with anxiety, uncertainty, tiredness (exam week) week is over.. thank god
• yeah, balit kch klk mok ngabas the spring (lom pg gk, tedah x)
  
• well, i still havent done any packing but i have the time to blog. ah, bliss

bye everyone, bye tronoh, bye perak (oh yes, goodbye and good riddance)

better never than late

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:

1. Already done this

7 THINGS THAT SCARE ME:

1. Cockroaches
   
2. Losing my loved ones
3. Having to repeat any subjects or fail any subject its the same
   
4. Not getting what i want so much
5. Death
   
6. Police, their very existence scares me -dont ask me why
   
7. Hantu tetek. hahahahahahaahahah
   

7 RANDOM MUSIC AT THE MOMENT:

1. Rihanna - Take A Bow
   
2. Radiohead - Creep
   
3. Sheila On 7 - Buat Aku Tersenyum
   
4. Avenged Sevenfold - A Little Piece Of Heaven
   
5. Duffy - Mercy
   
6. Paramore - My Heart
   
7. The Rain - Dengar Bisikku
   

7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST:

1. Manede
   
2. Cibai
   
3. ahahaha...........
   
4. U decide.
   
5. Oooo...
   
6. I love you
   
7. I miss you
   

7 THINGS I TREASURE THE MOST:

1. My glasses - now that i realized im getting blind!!
2. My bantal busuk
   
3. My towel busuk
   
4. Er... My sayang bucuk? hahah..
   
5. My Scientific Calculator - cannot sit for exam doe if i dont have my calculator
   
6. My family and friends
   
7. My health since i got so little of it right now
   

7 “FIRST TIME” THINGS I EVER DID:

1. Changed my perception towards people here in east malaysia
   
2. eh ntah lah.
   
3. 
   
4. 
   
5. 
   

ada paper esok and i think im gonna flunk it. tell me that im wrong... :((((

<3 <3 <3

jiwang alert.

whats up with the title? (sukati aku lah aku mpun blog)


kadang aku berfikir
dapatkah kita terus cuba
mendayung perahu kita
menyatukan ingin kita

sedang selalu saja
khilaf yang kecil mengusik
bagai angin berhembus kencang
goyangkan kaki kita

genggam tanganku jangan bimbang
tak usah lah lagi dikenang
naif diri yg pernah datang
jadikan pelajaran sayang

dengar bisikkan ku oh dinda
cuba lapangkan dada kita
terima aku apa ada nya
jujur hati yang kita jaga

mengapa selalu saja
khilaf yg kecil mengusik
bagai ombak yang besar
goyangkan kaki kita

genggam tanganku jangan bimbang
tak usahlah lagi dkenang
naif diri yang pernah datang
jadikan pelajaran sayang
dengar bisikkan ku oh dinda
cuba lapangkan dada kita
terima aku apa ada nya
jujur hati yang kita jaga

bila gundah mu tak menghilang
hentikan dulu dayung kita
bila kau ingin lupakan aku
ku tak tahu apalah daya

taken from; The Rain - Dengar Bisikku

p/s : tok lagu feveret denaaa and i even got this song from dena's cd. "stole" the cd for a while hahaha..

Happy Eventful Day

Happy Mother's Day to my beloved mother! I love you, umi.. (cant find her picture in the laptop.. how come??)


Happy 20th Birthday to Senah and Happy Belated 20th Birthday to Sepul! (cant find Senah's picture too, aiyo how comeeee??).

I love you senah, i love you sepul.. :)

huhu, tba2 jak rasa rindu eh. gne tok?? makan donut lah. byebye

cant stop

i have been consuming more than a dozen of these for the past few days;

becoming more like a doughnut myself? yeah.

life is daily

the class' trip to the temenggor dam and bersia dam



girls' day out




today is the 5th of May.... 0505.... hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!

i gila? u la gila!

since when?

The Rules

• Link to your tagger and post these rules.
• List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
• Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
• Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

So, EIGHT (8) random facts about me..

• im skipping class (which i always do, everyday, every week, every month. who doesnt?)
  

• have been listening to ost one litre of tears - only human for hundreds of time for these few days
  

• am hating some people's attitude : cakap xserupa bikin. they always complain about their life but they do nothing to improve it. rasa mok gila jak dengar cdak ngerepak!! dont complain la wey if u dont want to do anything about it. seriously la
  

• hungry every 2hours.
  

• sleep a lot lately. last sunday, i woke up at 1pm and slept some more at 4pm. i was awake for only 3 hours during the daylight! ah, but sleeping is a bliss, no?
  

• answer calls, reply sms whenever i want to, which is seldom (for some people, for some reasons) -not u, aziz
  

• im totally (for most part) over it. the hicom thing.
  

• im totally (for most part) over it. the hicom thing.

• im totally (for most part) over it. the hicom thing.

• im totally (for most part) over it. the hicom thing.

• im totally (for most part) over it. the hicom thing.

• i can be a heartless person sometimes. no, make it, most of the times.

• yes, im totally over over over over it.

• and im totally losing it.

• oh yea?

• yeah, i think so.

• oh, its more than 8 random facts already

tagging : dena, raula, abg paan, azmi, jae, nora, pyah, helmi, kak jaja, vee, syara, ned, alin, kak deza and anyone else who wants to do this.

anyway..


im watching reruns of one litre no namida (one litre of tears). wuu.. sedih doe. believe me, u'll cry watching every episodes (exception to those who dont watch japan series).

dahla.