bila rasaku ini rasamu

cute aint it? i think this picture represents me. haha. :) unfortunately, from what i heard, boys find it suffocating to be loved unconditionally :(

i heard that a friend of a friend had recently died because of lung cancer. i didnt know her but i feel sad all the same knowing that the girl died at a young age (she's 20). she was a student from mrsm langkawi and from what i read in her blog (im not stalking her) she had so much ahead of her and she was so brave to handle her sickness and believed that she will get well, but Allah loves her more..all of this makes me feel silly because seeing a person like her didnt immediately crawl under her blanket and spend her last living moment under the blanket crying (if it wouldve been me i would do that :P) while here i am getting depressed over nothing. sigh. and she just suffered for a short period of time because she was only diagnosed for the cancer earlier this year.

...it makes me wonder, how are her parents feeling right now, losing their only child (again, no, im not stalking her, just call me curious, there's just something about reading a dead person's blog) and her besties, imagine how they are feeling right now.. so sad wawawa.. i cant even imagine the possibilities of losing my loved ones, it hurts you know.

and it made me realize that i have to treasure my life more, appreciate the surroundings more, and remember Allah always. and also appreciate my loved ones more. teehee :)

btw, i found this from a friend's blog and tried the quiz and it turned out that im a hulk! fuh. no wonder i turned into quite a monster when im angry. maybe bcoz i answered yes for the question "do you get angry easily?".

Your results:
You are Hulk

Hulk 60% Superman 55% Spider-Man 55% Supergirl 50% Robin 50% The Flash 50% Green Lantern 45% Wonder Woman 40% Catwoman 40% Iron Man 40% Batman 30%

You are a wanderer with amazing strength.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

okay.. ive a confession to make;

to be honest, ive started wearing tudung full time during the fasting month. its something that i didnt mention to people or in blog up until now. all of my friends in utp were glad of the good change but i dont know why, i feel ashamed to show up in front of my friends in Kuching after i wear tudung, its not like before this i was not wearing tudung its just that i dont wear tudung consistently. i was afraid that they would mock me for wearing tudung... (which explains why i have not uploaded any of my raya piccies) and my assumptions are true, u see, a friend posted a comment in my facebook and obviously by the tone of it he was mocking me. there's even a srwkian friend in utp said "since when u wear tudung huh?" hu :( (this is what i was trying to tell you dena, but i dont know how)

and and and by wearing tudung i feel like i dont fit with the others (friends in Kuching) and i feel less pretty because i dont know how to dress stylishly, see, and when i wear tudung my clothes are restricted to jeans and shirts only and sometimes blouses if i have the effort to be in uncomfortable blouses for hours and hours :( i know it has nothing to do with me wearing tudung... but but.. its been quite a while that ive been feeling like this, im such a bum, am i? :P not to mention that i dont feel comfortable wearing tudung bcoz i feel less carefree cannot be much of a tomboy, have to act like a lady etc etc. but when i wear tudung, it makes my loved ones happy and also about the religion thing, teehee and thats what really matters :)

but im still afraid to meet my friends later on..... huk2

you must be thinking, silly girl to think of such things, or she thinks too much la. huhuhuhu but how am i supposed to do? aaaa......

and takut bah when i remembered the girl with the lung cancer coz it reminds me that we can die anytime. i just dont wanna die yet.... i havent done enough deeds and i have so many sins that im sure i'll be placed in the 7th ring of hell if i die now. huhuhu~~~

omg, its 235 am already (blogspot clock is set wrongly), enough with the craps and i need to get some sleep. so; nite peeps!